To: Howard Stern, From: Dawgsaloon: An open letter of Peace and Love, Peace and Love
by, 05-19-2013 at 12:54 PM (44359 Views)
We are quite shocked at the allegations you have leveled against us and our members. You have gone not only onto your own airwaves but national airwaves as well, to tell everyone that would listen, (waves to the 25 people), that we have declared war on you. Declared war? Really? Would you care to share with the class where you received this war notification from? For the life of us, we just can't find any threads or posts that fit your criteria.
Sure the members here are not happy with YOU, not your show, not your lack of a sense of humor these days, just YOU in general. If you hadn't forced your wife, who quote, unquote, "Doesn't want to be famous", down our throats every day she would have become another Alison in our eyes. Yes, you have noticed how we all loved Alison, right? There were never page after page of remarks talking about how she couldn't get to a press op fast enough, or how she belittled her staff like Beth did to that poor woman from nsal, (speaking of them, sheesh could you pick a worse rated charity for her?) on national television during the fox and friends Puppy Bowl. You made us hate her. Be sure to point that out the next time you feel the need to complain on her treatment.
Your children, ah yes your children. They really do hate you don't they? I mean come on, two out of three moved half a world away from you. Give poor Ashley time, she'll be joining them. We do feel bad that you drove Alison's kids so far away from her as well, but we are sure she understands why they needed to move to places where most of the people haven't a clue as to who you are so that they may live their lives. Maybe, just maybe, as we have no control over what our posters say. if you had shown us interest instead of "pissing on our heads" and our pleas to make your show funny again, people wouldn't have had to take making us laugh into their own hands. Yes that is the real reason why we make the photoshops,(BTW we'd be glad to help you with that on what we like to call your Fauxtography.) and we point out your hypocrisy. You just aren't the funny person we thought you were we guess.
Yes Howard that is the real reason why you think we have declared war on you. You do not entertain us anymore, so we entertain ourselves in the same fashion that you taught us. We have only been filling in the days you do not make us laugh. We can understand how you could think it was a declaration of war with the amount of tweets and posts that bash you and your Reality Talk Show. (Reality anything only works in the visual market Howard, not the audible one.) What you are producing today is not fun, it is not funny, but the posters here are. Come on, you seemed to once have a sense of humor, (was it really there?) Just look around and tell us honestly that this stuff isn't funny. We just don't get why you didn't ask us what was up with all the hate. We would have been happy to tell you that a comic/writer is a must for your show. I know you disagree, but your show started it's downward spiral when Jackie left. Jackie is who made you funny Howard, just admit that much, PLEASE? It was bad enough when you hurt Billy deeply with the Jon K kamikaze interview attack because he left you, did you need to kill your show over it too? Billy leaves, attack, Jackie leaves, attack, Stuttering John leaves, attack. Why have the years erased your memory of what made the show funny?
If you had just asked what was wrong, why had we turned against you, we would have explained it to you. We would have told you to stop lying on air period. You aren't going to be able to whitewash away your past as you are so desperately trying to do. No Howard, you did not bang models in college. There are too many years of you telling us how no woman would give you the time of day for us to fall for that. No Howard, you did not grow up in an all black neighborhood. You spent maybe two years there. Again you told us all how your father wouldn't move then boom you moved to a school that wanted to demote you a year because of your lacking grades. We have memories like elephants Howard. We don't forget. We would have told you that the times have changed. What was edgy in 1992 is old hat in 2013. You finally had everything you ever dreamed of in radio. A studio all your own to do with as you pleased. No FCC over your shoulder. What do you give us? 1000 tradio calls a year with 100 sybian rides You do know you have a fixed market right? You DO NOT have 1000's of new listeners daily that have never heard these bits before like you must believe with their replay amounts. You need fresh material daily Howard, not the same old rehashed bits over and over. All of these mistakes stem from not having a stand up comic/writer sitting next to you to feed you the funny. No offense to Benji, but he is no Jackie.
Another mistake you have been making over and over is thinking that we care about your new found love of the lifestyles of the rich and famous. You made your name over not wanting to be in the in crowd Howard. Look who you hung with. Dee Snyder, Rob Zombie, John Popper. Very cool, good people but not a-list by any means. Now it's all about the Hamptons and the Kimmel Parties where every A-lister can't wait to rub elbows with you and Beth! I'm amazed Beth ever went back after Don Rickles put her in her place. That made us laugh! Have you ever noticed how you can't hold onto friends Howard? This might be the reason. Your phoniness due to your wife's ambitions,(lets face it, you weren't like this when married to Alison) has driven away anyone that thought they were your friends. Heard from the Ripa's lately, you know Mark married you and all? For God's sake, you had Chevy Chase deliver a speech at your Faux Wedding in which he ripped you apart! All you did was smile and thank him for that? Please sir may I have another?? Bah I give up.
There is no helping you Howard, why is that? Yes you made your name but what are you doing to keep your legacy? Your constant WHINING about life when you have 1/2 a billion banked isn't the answer. We can help you, Just ask!