10 Worst Movies of 2012

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Kamie, Dec 20, 2012.

  1. Kamie

    Kamie Active Member

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    I didn't hate the Devil Inside or Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. They weren't great, but I didn't hate them. So there. List from NextMovie.com

    10. 'Dark Shadows'
    Warner Bros.
    "Dark Shadows" lost at its own game. It seems like Tim Burton meant to harness the power of kitsch in his big screen adaptation of camptastic '70s soap opera "Dark Shadows," flirting with the border of "so bad it's good" territory... and overshot his mark by a mile. Great actors go horribly wasted in this wandering mess of a movie, and the fact that it looks pretty cool only serves to highlight how badly this vampire story bites: Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Chloe Moretz and some great-looking sets almost have to try to make me hate them. If I didn't know better, I'd assume they tried pretty hard. — Brooke Tarnoff


    9. 'One for the Money'
    Lionsgate
    This movie stars Katherine Heigl – what more do you need to know? OK, well, just in case, you should know that her character Stephanie Plum gets into the bail bonds business and her first assignment puts her on the trail of her ex. Delightful, right? Something tells us Heigl, who notoriously departed from "Grey's Anatomy" amidst much drama despite earning an Emmy award for her performance, did this film the exact reasons the title says. — Breanne L. Heldman


    8. 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'
    20th Century Fox
    Who thought this was a good idea? Does the Great Emancipator really need to add demon slaying to his resume? This movie is 105 minutes of cringe-worthy cheese that takes itself too seriously while portraying the secretly rockin' nightlife of Honest Abe while he pursues a lifelong vendetta against the forces of evil. Oh, and the Confederate Army. Who are also vampires. Maybe the producers heard about Spielberg's "Lincoln" in pre-production and figured they had to find a way to top it. Maybe they just thought it was a funny joke to make audiences sit through nearly two hours of that slop. Maybe they're really just self-loathing vampires themselves. The world may never know. (And, spoiler alert, the ending implication that Abe may have been a vampire himself and thus survived assassination? Rude.) — Kase Wickman


    7. 'Playing for Keeps'
    FilmDistrict
    Ah, the story of a morally tarnished athlete who finds his heart of gold on the soccer field, amidst his young son's teammates and a bunch of MILFs. What could be finer... other than EVERYTHING? Gerard Butler isn't inherently terrible — he was kind of good in "300," if memory serves — but he keeps returning to reductive rom-com drivel. Whatever this says about his acting ability pales in comparison to the message it sends about his taste. (That message, if it wasn't clear: bad.) — BT


    6. 'John Carter'
    Disney
    You gotta feel a little bad for the nice, talented folks behind this turkey: writer/director Andrew Stanton, the Pixar pro who shepherded this through development as a passion project; Taylor Kitsch, the "Friday Night Lights" alum making some bum movies; Willem Dafoe, who's awesome because he's Willem Dafoe. But anytime you spend 250 precious million dollars on a movie, you'd better hope it works. And "JC" doesn't one bit. From its risky usage of a hero Confederate to its "Phantom Menace"-like ETs to its overall utter convolutedness, "Carter" is an incoherent, disjointed mess that left movie fans of all stripes scratching their heads. — KP


    5. 'Snow White and the Huntsman'
    Universal
    More like "Snow White and the Hunts-mehhh." Kristen Stewart is great at posing and making tough faces while wearing just-for-ladies armor on a red carpet, but a master thespian she's not. K.Stew has only a handful of lines in this two-hour drudge of a film, and Chris Hemsworth, while great at grunting and looking handsome, is not so great at enunciating. The best part of this movie was watching Charlize Theron as the evil queen Ravenna, melting in and out of various shapes while screaming like a banshee. She's a crow! She's a lady again! She's a puddle! This is great! Oh, now we're back in the woods with Bella and Thor. Zzzzzz. Pass. — KW


    4. 'Red Dawn'
    Lionsgate
    It's never a good sign when a movie sits on the shelves for a few years (jeez Louise, how many spring/summer/fall previews was this thing included in?). But "Dawn" almost looked like it could benefit from its shelving (due to MGM's financial woes), as stars Chris Hemsworth ("Thor") and Josh Hutcherson ("Hunger Games") blew the hell up amid the delay. But nope. America saw "Dawn" for what it was, another wholly unnecessary remake that not only doesn't improve on the original, but taints our memory of it (not that the '84 Swayze edition was a masterpiece). And don't get us started on the amazingly offensive "ethnicity tweaks" done in post-production. What were you thinking? — KP


    3. 'Man on a Ledge'
    Summit
    Possibly the worst thing about this movie — and trust me, that's saying a lot — is how good Elizabeth Banks is in it. She never appears to be acting; she seems uncannily real in every role, like human tofu picking up the flavor of whatever movie she's in. In this case, it just serves to make everything around her seem even more false, including the implausible plot, the wooden performances, the ridiculous dialogue and Sam Worthington's mullet. Which, by the way, is the second worst thing about this movie. A mullet? For crying out loud. — BT


    2. 'That's My Boy'
    Sony
    This is an Adam Sandler movie: are you shocked to find it on this list? We didn't think so, but just so you have the ammo for properly mocking this clunker, here's what you need to know. As a young teen, Sandler's character knocked up his teacher (Eva Amurri) and became an instant celebrity. Now, after nearly 30 years, he's a broke nobody with a beef with Vanilla Ice and a son (Andy Samberg) who refuses to acknowledge any relation to him. Believe it or not, it all goes downhill from there, with hijinks including infidelity, severe alcoholism and incest. Hilarious, right? — BH


    1. 'The Devil Inside'
    Paramount
    Among our staff, we've been to literally thousands of advance screenings, many of them "promotional," which, as you may know, is when a studio gives out passes to moviegoers as opposed or in addition to movie critics. These audiences tend to be kind to the movies — far more kind than cranky critics, that's for sure — but the promotional screening we attended for this clunker marked the first time EVER we witnessed a crowd boo the film during its end credits. Proof that the mockumentary/found footage approach doesn't always work, "Devil Inside" just feels phony, with shoddy acting, forced scares and an anti-climactic, utterly ridiculous ending that deservedly brought out the boo birds. — KP
  2. DawgShed Ads

    DawgShed Ads

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  3. fletchman71

    fletchman71 Well-Known Member VIP

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    2012 has been one of the worst years in cinema and I don't see it getting any better in the years to come. However, did anyone else see the teaser trailer for Guillermo Del Toro's movie, "Pacific Rim" coming out next summer? It is going to be awesome. Giant robots fighting giant monsters ala Godzilla/Gamera and the Toho Gaijin movies of the 70's but updated.
  4. Kamie

    Kamie Active Member

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    I have not seen the trailer, but if Guillermo Del Toro is involved I'm in.
  5. The Snork

    The Snork Well-Known Member

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    Dark Shadows ... good movie. Maybe you'd have to be familiar with the original material to get it.
    John Carter ... good movie. Maybe you'd have to be familiar with the original material to get it.
  6. shrinkage

    shrinkage Member

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    How the hell is "Rock of Ages" NOT on this list? :dontknow:
  7. Kamie

    Kamie Active Member

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    I didn't see it, but it looks soooooooo shitty.
    [​IMG]
  8. The Snork

    The Snork Well-Known Member

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    Shit bag list by "modern journalist" who didn't do his homework.
  9. king october

    king october PLATINUM SPONSOR VIP

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    I enjoyed Snow White much more than The Avengers. :dontknow:

    And Hawkeye is the gayest film character I saw in 2012.
  10. fletchman71

    fletchman71 Well-Known Member VIP

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    I grew up in the 70's and 80's and I hate to say it but I really liked this movie. Over the top and cheesy but the music was really good. :hide:
  11. Kamie

    Kamie Active Member

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    I will watch it cause it looks cool, and I like Charlize Theron, but I fucking hate Kristen Stewart. She is the most god-awful actress. She sucks. I don't know how she keeps getting movie roles.

    The reviews for the Avengers were over-the-top great, so I was looking forward to it. When it was done, we looked at each other and were like "meh?". I decided then that I guess I don't really like super-hero movies. I mean, I liked the Tobey McGuire Spidermans (haven't seen the new one), and I liked Iron Man in spite of that cunt Gwyneth Paltrow, and I love the Christopher Nolan dark Batman movies.....but I am not a huge fan of the genre. And Hawkeye was Jeremy Renner, right? I love him.....
  12. NotMyBro

    NotMyBro Moderator Staff Member

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    Bullshit hipster list. Some of these flicks are actually watchable. There was a lot worse shit to spend money on in 2012. WHERE'S ALL THAT TWILIGHT SHIT???
  13. Kamie

    Kamie Active Member

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    You're right!! How could Twilight not be on that list?
  14. ilovebacon

    ilovebacon Well-Known Member VIP

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    I liked One For the Money. :dontknow:
  15. fletchman71

    fletchman71 Well-Known Member VIP

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    I made a list of my favorite films in 2012. In no particular order

    Argo
    The Avengers
    The Cabin in the Woods
    21 Jump Street
    Chronicle
    Skyfall
    The Dark Knight Rises
    The Dictator
    The Hunger Games
    The Life of Pi
    Rock of Ages
    American Reunion
    The Hobbit(I have to see it again in 2D because the new 3D really really sucks. It was like watching a soap opera and lost that film look.)
  16. NotMyBro

    NotMyBro Moderator Staff Member

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    I don't know man... but here's my take on this list.

    10. 'Dark Shadows' - watched it. It was pretty shitty but Burton made it and Depp and Pfeiffer and Green were in it so it was a no brainer to rent on iTunes.

    9. 'One for the Money' - no idea. don't even remember seeing a trailer.

    8. 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' - watched it. I bet it was more fun that Speielberg's "Lincoln"

    7. 'Playing for Keeps' - no idea. never heard of it.

    6. 'John Carter' - watched it. liked it more than The Avengers.

    5. 'Snow White and the Huntsman' - watched it. Stewart & Theron were great to look at. Both are fucking sexy as hell. movie was so-so but I liked it overall.

    4. 'Red Dawn' - nope. wouldn't watch it. North Koreans invading? Sorry, but you lose me right there.

    3. 'Man on a Ledge' - watched it. it was OK. reminded me of some Spike Lee's movies (Inside man)

    2. 'That's My Boy' - fuck Sandler.

    1. 'The Devil Inside' - no idea. never heard of it.
  17. Kamie

    Kamie Active Member

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    NO YOU DIDN'T! I think Gerard Butler is in that too, along with the cunty Katherine Heigl? You should never admit that you liked that movie. I actually think you could be arrested for liking that movie.
  18. Kamie

    Kamie Active Member

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    How did you see all these movies? Do you go to the theater or do you borrow Howard's screeners? Can't wait to see Argo, see my Avengers review above, The Cabin in the Woods was good - not great, but it was clever. Chronicle was good, but not great. I heard Skyfall is kick-ass awesome. Waiting to see the Dark Knight Rises. The Dictator - are you kidding me???? I kept comparing it to Bruno and Borat. Maybe that was my problem. The Hunger Games was good, didn't see the Life of Pi but the title makes it seem boring, Rock of Ages will never see it, American Reunion will never see it. I'll see the Hobbit but I don't want to, but I'll probably like it.
  19. Kamie

    Kamie Active Member

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    Why are people still giving Adam Sandler money? The last movie of his I liked was Billy Madison, or maybe Happy Gilmore. the Devil Inside is one of those found-footage movies, and I am a sucker for found-footage movies. Like 'rec'. That was awesome.
  20. ilovebacon

    ilovebacon Well-Known Member VIP

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    Come and get me coppers! It thought it was fun. Butler's not in it (thank God, he sucks.) The guy in it is the one that plays Dennis Quaid's brother now on Vegas. Would I pay full price to see it? No, but it was cute, and I liked Heigl's dark hair color in it. So NYAH! :D
  21. gridlockd

    gridlockd Active Member

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    Wasn't there an Atlas Shrugged sequel this year?

    And wasn't The Oogieloves this year? The new lowest-grossing movie OF ALL TIME?

    Yeah, Dark Shadows looked terrible.

    Christ, does every post deserve a neg rep?
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2012

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