Highlights from Howard's Ghostwritten Bits and Monologues

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Benjamen, Dec 3, 2012.

  1. Benjamen

    Benjamen Active Member VIP

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    Now that Howard's reading monologues of scripted jokes when he's not either reading scripted commercials, retelling the same few stories about his parents, redoing his math routine, reviewing all movies by saying they'd be better with superheroes in them, or re-asking the same few guests about cock size, anal and income, he's actually becoming funny again. Unintentionally funny, but we'll take what laughs we can get these days.

    The monologues are heavy with show-related callbacks that Howard himself doesn't always get. And the jokes are sometimes ruined by Howard's bad read, or by Robin stepping on the punchline. Not that these jokes would've been funny if the delivery hadn't been ruined; they're funny only when you step back and go, "Oh my god, they actually think they're being funny right now."

    Here are a couple from today's "Howard's Christmas Wish List" bit, complete with prerecorded intro, background music, and Fred's all-too-eager use of sound effects:

    • Howard opens this bit by reading, "I wish JD would stop mumbling." Fred pounces with a clip of JD mumbling. If you think there's a punchline coming next, you're wrong. That was the entirety of the joke. Howard moves on to the next one, about wishing Tim Sabien could control his bowels.

    • Howard reads, "I wish Shuli would get himself on more Howard 101 shows." This is obviously a back office staff complaint. Howard has no idea what this means, or why it's supposed to be funny.

    • Howard reads, "I wish Ronnie could get a personality for Christmas." The full joke must not have been typed out, or Howard skipped over something, because it fell totally flat. He even muttered, "That went well," when he finished reading it.

    From today's "Newspaper Monologue":

    • Howard reads, "Things have gotten so bad for Lindsay Lohan that they've booked her to be Jackie's co-host on Jackie's Joke Hunt."

    • Howard reads about Wendy Williams posing naked for PETA. He says she's proud of that. Then he reads, "Benjy contacted PETA and they told him to keep wearing fur or something like that."

    Let's not let these ghostwritten gems go unnoticed. Let's track these bombs ...
  2. Brokenbad

    Brokenbad Well-Known Member

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    I like your synopses better. More funny.
  3. TheWakening

    TheWakening Member

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    Robin or somebody was talking about an upcoming event coming, this was Howards joke -
    "What time is it?....No that's a serious question Robin, I'm getting old and don't know what time it is"

    This happened a few weeks ago. At that moment I finally realized how bad the show has gotten. I called and cancelled my sub after 6 friggin years. Amazing how fast that show has declined.
  4. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Moderator Staff Member

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    I tuned in in the middle of that "let me read some of the news" shit and I swear I thought he was doing a bit by making fun of late night monologues.:facepalm:

    That was brutally unfunny and BADLY executed.
  5. Bye You!

    Bye You! Extreme VIP Gold

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    I noted the time so Roland Schwinn could hear today's fiasco. it was 7:45 or thereabouts, Roland. I was driving and cringing.
  6. Bye You!

    Bye You! Extreme VIP Gold

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    he's been doing it every day for at least a week. it's the WORST thing he has ever done.

    and that's really saying something.
  7. JaredWD

    JaredWD New Member

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    True. It is very stale and repetitive... but what can you expect from a bunch of 3rd rate "writers" trying to fill 4 hours of content. The show desperately needs fresh input/perspective. (awesome AV by the way)
  8. jake206

    jake206 Well-Known Member

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    At least you didn't crash your car.
  9. Roland Schwinn

    Roland Schwinn On tacos. Gold

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    THanks Bye! But with this highlight rundown i am not sure i even need to actually hear this shit! :jj:
  10. MarvelComics85

    MarvelComics85 Active Member

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    Ugh, try telling this to all of YouTube. I just uploaded a great segment from a classic Howard Stern segment, and I upset quite a few people in my rant over Howard resigning to AGT. I called Howard "a spoiled bitch of a millionaire." Check the comments out. And watch the video as well!

    [video=youtube;FaSQqasYSNo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaSQqasYSNo[/video]

    Looking back, it wasn't as rough, but some people just get upset when you call out the Golden Boy.

    But I hope O&A discuss his resigning for another season of AGT. I'll break out the mimosas if that happens!
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2012
  11. Bye You!

    Bye You! Extreme VIP Gold

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    THAT is a truly excellent point.

    just imagine it being the worst delivery imaginable. haaaaarrrrrrible.
  12. RevHortonHeat

    RevHortonHeat Member VIP

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    i was listening tonight driving back from a friend's house. howard first talks about how all these people are having kids and it is screwing up the distribution of wealth (who knows what he meant by that) then proceeds to talk about the porn they receive that are just anal and facial shots and says that since most people imitate these acts he wonders how anyone is having kids anymore...
  13. Bye You!

    Bye You! Extreme VIP Gold

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    :rofl: listening to the clip
  14. HooHoo

    HooHoo Well-Known Member

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    You know these segments have been cropping up more and it really is nails on the chalkboard, its the kind of shit they'd historically have goofed on when someone else was doing it. It really is like he's thrown in the towel and he's too lazy to even rant stream of consciousness anymore unless its doing his parents voices or the pretend maths is hard schtick for the 1000th time.

    It used to be more subtle, you'd know when he was reading a Benjy note when it was something unfunny and totally out of left field - was pretty easy to detect them but minor bumps in the road, now its like a whole god damn compendium, he should just call it "The world according to Benjy" then at least he can turn around and goof on it when it falls fleat, and it wouldn't come off so awkward.

    Ironic when factoring he's always goofed on Leno's "hey did you hear about this.." style of monologue, and goofed on Bobo and other callers when they were obviously reciting prewritten shit, and yet he's managed to combine the two here. And from the sound of it he does about as much pre-reading of it as Robin does with the printouts from yahoo news.

    Part of me wants this thing to continue just to see how bad it can get.
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2012
  15. Humongous

    Humongous Member

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    Just reading these secondhand accounts of the bits are sufficient to give me douche chills. Sounds like a comedic death spiral.
  16. HaroldJackson

    HaroldJackson Active Member

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    I haven't listened since the spring, and then it was episodes from winter I was trying to catch up on.
    I rarely check out threads up here.
    I don't think I'll try to find the show anytime soon unless its so bad I just need to hear it to believe it. What do you think?
  17. RonniesPaceCar

    RonniesPaceCar New Member

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    Why would Howard infringe on Robin's ever-shortening news time, by bringing up many of the same stories she does, BEFORE she gets a chance? My theory is that he has an agreement with Robin for her impending retirement (due to health reasons), and he is working in what will eventually become the new news segment. That is the main purpose of the comedian that was writing last week sitting next to Benjy; to write that material specifically and fill the void of content that will be left when Robin leaves.
  18. MutteringJohn

    MutteringJohn Well-Known Member VIP

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    And their paying Benjy $250,000 a year for this shit.
  19. Kamie

    Kamie Active Member

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    I was thinking the same thing when I heard him going over the news. First, of course, was "this is some lame shit". And my second thought was that this is part of the plan to phase Robin out entirely. She has done the news for how long now - 30 years?
  20. chuk

    chuk VIP Extreme Gold

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    Kate Middleton/Octomom pre-written joke just now.

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