What is your favorite description for masturbation? Whacking off? Choking the chicken? Spanking the monkey?
Here are some good ones I found across the Web.
Jackin' the Beanstalk
Seeing Palmela Handerson (my favorite)
Seeing Handgelina Jolie
Hit the Sack and then go to bed
Takin' my talents to South Beach
Arguing with Henry Longfellow
Disobeying the Pope
Corraling the Tadpoles
Badgering the Witness
Getting a Dishonorable Discharge
Hand to Gland Combat