Caution: visiting this gravesite may have adverse effects on your career, including but not limited to: your pet series not getting renewed, cancellation, a decrease in your charity rating, low book sales volume and barren womb syndrome. Your spouse may also experience a declining career performance with an inability to recognize the situation and unwillingness to admit that they're miserable
Here lies Beth Ostrosky Stern (never got around to changing her name because it was "a whole thing Robin"
daughter to well known model Mother...no, no, not well known
daughter to reputable dentist Father...no, no, he was nailed for fraud
graduated from...no, no, never graduated
sister/lover to ...never mind, see Howard's "boys come to the Hamptons" video
Wife..er, beard to Howard Stern... successful judge on the most popular Gong Show type...no, no, the ratings sucked
Ok! successful model...no, no, managed to snag a Sunday flyer for Ames
Talk show host! Yes, that's it...no, no, all shows cancelled.
Respected (paid) spokesperson for the most revered charity NSAL...no, no that's not it either
Fuck it, what the hell did she do?
"Pittsburgh gold-digger, Beth Ostrovsky, dies. After years of trying to latch on with better-looking, wealthier men, including David Letterman, Mark Wahlberg and Pauly Shore, she married Pelican lookalike Howard Stern. The self proclaimed King of All Media tried for over a decade to fulfill his part of the pre-marriage contract and use his influence to get her to D-list stardom. Despite his best efforts, including doing a dreadful 2 year run as a judge on America's Got Talent to help build her brand, the most stardom Ms. Ostrovsky was able to obtain was a few footnotes as "audience member - AGT" on the Hollywood website, IMDB.com"