Activist Ignores "No Soliciting" sign in my doorstep, lectures me on etiquette.

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by YinzerMasshole, Dec 2, 2015.

  1. YinzerMasshole

    YinzerMasshole VIP Extreme Gold

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    Long day, during dinner where the kids are finally mercifully eating something we cooked, the doorbell rings. Directly next to the doorbell is a "no soliciting" sign.

    My wife gets up to answer, I have to hold the 70-pound excitable barking black lab back and this fuckhead launches into his pitch, not letting us get a word in edgewise. I bellow from behind the door, "This is not a good time. We're eating dinner."

    "Well, hey man, there are nicer ways of saying that. We're only trying to raise awareness for..."

    "Get the fuck off my stoop. Nice enough for you?"

    "Well, God bless you, and you really should be nicer to people who are just trying to..."

    "Good night, and fuck off!"

    Can't help but think of if this was my old man back in the early 70s who probably would've chased the shithead out into the yard with a baseball bat. Thank goodness I don't drink as much as my ancestors did at dinner.
     
  2. 1Vegasgirl

    1Vegasgirl Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    You were too kind. He was totally in the wrong, and you had no obligation to be nice.
     
  3. pickles3000

    pickles3000 Well-Known Member Banned User

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  4. Pooh bear

    Pooh bear Well-Known Member VIP

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    Bravo!!!!
    I seriously answered the door 2 days after giving birth to my kid and indulging some asshole and giving him a check for his stupid cause!!! With a house full of people..... God I was stupid :banghead:
    Would NEVER happen today :bounce:
     
  5. YinzerMasshole

    YinzerMasshole VIP Extreme Gold

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    I once answered the door to the Mormons and told them they were too late and I'd just signed a two year contract with the Jehovah's Witnesses.

    "However, if you could help buy me out of the deal..." I offered.

    The Mormons have yet to return 6 years later.
     
  6. HowieStearn

    HowieStearn HateClub

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    they can't read dude :dontknow:

    try using cartoons, like in the voting booths
     
  7. YinzerMasshole

    YinzerMasshole VIP Extreme Gold

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    A pictogram of a gun and an empty pill bottle should work, right?
     
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  8. johnfreeman1

    johnfreeman1 Well-Known Member

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    I answered the door to some old Christian ladies and I just said I don't believe in God and slammed the door
     
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  9. Pooh bear

    Pooh bear Well-Known Member VIP

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    I should try that with cable tv :bigthink
     
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  10. Afganistand

    Afganistand Motivationally Deficient VIP

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    [​IMG]
     
  11. captbill

    captbill Well-Known Member

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    If I know it is Jehovah's Witness' at the door, I use a Al Bundy line, "Peg, get the baseball bat, the Jehovah's Witness' are at the door." It usually gets them to leave. But if not I tell them to leave. If it is some other annoying group, and I have time to open the gun safe, I answer the door with a pistol in my hand and tell them to leave. They get the message quickly.

    Once my wife was in the front yard and one of our elected state representatives was going door-to-door. When he came to our house, he said, "Hi, I'm..." My wife interrupted him and said, "I know who you are, get off my property." He left quickly.
     
  12. Shortwave98

    Shortwave98 A-Number 1 Banned User

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    If the religious types come up to my door I tell them I'm a devil worshipper.
     
  13. YinzerMasshole

    YinzerMasshole VIP Extreme Gold

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    I bust balls with the Jehovah's Witnesses.

    I'll ask, "Is it true that, in your faith, you believe only 144,000 people get into heaven?"

    "Yes," they'll say.

    "What if it's full already?"
     
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  14. xgohabsx

    xgohabsx Well-Known Member

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    I'm guessing your kids appreciated the F bombs. Big barking dog, kids listening to parents cursing, sounds like an episode of Cops.
     
  15. YinzerMasshole

    YinzerMasshole VIP Extreme Gold

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    Good night, and fuck off.
     
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  16. FSFN

    FSFN Well-Known Member

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  17. Slickwoody

    Slickwoody Well-Known Member

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    Bubba The Love Sponge goes off on Mormons....

     
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  18. tv910

    tv910 Well-Known Member

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    When I worked 3rd shift I had a large sign on my door that said "SLEEPING - DO NOT DISTURB !!!". One day I was sound asleep when I heard someone knocking, it turned out to be one of the idiot FedEx drivers who can never find anyone's house in my neighborhood (even though UPS never has a problem). I was totally pissed and screamed "CAN YOU FUCKING READ?" at him but he didn't even seem to understand, he just kept asking me for directions. I picked up the baseball bat I keep behind the door and told him I'd smash the windshield on his truck if he didn't leave immediately, that finally got through to him and he ran like hell.
     
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  19. Rescued Owl

    Rescued Owl VIP Extreme Gold

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    He's probably the asshole who was knocking on your door at dinnertime.
     
  20. Calloused Shins

    Calloused Shins Well-Known Member

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    I would never answer my doorbell. Either you text me to inform of your arrival or im never even hearing the doorbell. What's next, you'll call my house phone, missing since 04.....