Stern Show AGT won't rest until they see someone die on stage: Cracked

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by the G-man, Aug 31, 2016.

  1. the G-man

    the G-man Well-Known Member

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    'Got Talent' Won't Rest Until They See Someone Die On Stage

    I don't religiously watch America's Got Talent or Britain's Got Talent or These Fucking Fuckers Are Talented As Fuck ... but I will admit that when my insomnia kicks in and I need to fill my brain with stupidity at 3 a.m. on some random Tuesday, I'll pull up YouTube and get lost in individual clips until sunrise. I've watched hundreds of acts over the years, and one frightening thing I've noticed is that no matter what country has talent, all of these shows desperately want to film someone's death on stage.

    I first noticed it when an engaged couple were performing a basic circus sideshow act. The man swallowed a sword and then put a small target in his mouth. The woman then accidentally shot him right in the goddamn throat with a flaming goddamn arrow. While the sword was still crammed down his stupid suckhole.

    Now, obviously she didn't do it on purpose. Though now that I think about it, it would have been the most awesome rejection response in the history of proposals. There was a malfunction with the crossbow, and fortunately the guy was fine. He at least had the presence of mind to not allow his gag reflex to clench shut around that sword, or shit could have gone downhill really fast. Still, the accident happened, and still, they showed it. They could have easily cut it out of the program, but they knew that flaming arrows to the throat always means great ratings. That's just TV 101.

    If that had been the only case of almost-manslaughter I've seen on the show, I would have just left it at that. But in true "what the fuck is wrong with the world" fashion, it's not even close to the only example

    The shows all across the world revel in these accidents. No, not all of them are life-threatening, but any injury is a good injury, and they hold that shit in higher regard than the actual winning acts. Every time a dance crew takes the floor, you can hear the sound of pants stretching from their growing boners. Even from the women. You can almost smell the extra wax they put on the stage, just to fuck them up.

    Don't think for a second that they don't eat this shit up. In one episode of America's Got Talent, a couple performed a stunt in which she held an apple in her mouth while a guy cut an H into it with a chainsaw. Luckily, I don't have to write about a horrific chainsaw fuck-up, ending with her having a permanent H cut into her skull. But while holding the apple in her mouth, her jaw popped out of place. Instead of rushing her backstage to get medical attention, the judges and audience laughed their asses off and forced her to answer questions. Howard Stern even went as far as mocking her new injury-induced accent. Classy.

    They're not going to rest until there's a corpse on camera, are they?
    Stern related because: (a) see above; (b) much like Howard, Cracked has evolved. It's not funny anymore, just whiny.
     
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  2. DiamondGoddess

    DiamondGoddess Born Ready for My Close-Up! Gold

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    Some of the stunts are fukkin stoopid on AGT, imo.
     
  3. yaddc

    yaddc Well-Known Member

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    Try the trowing some one off the building stunt
     
  4. Sloppyjoe

    Sloppyjoe VIP Extreme Gold

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  5. killallposers

    killallposers VIP Extreme Gold

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    We basically saw Howard Stern die on the AGT stage.
     
  6. EvolvedMarbles

    EvolvedMarbles Well-Known Member

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    Stern's tenure and the ratings died on the stage over and over again.
     
  7. Humph

    Humph Well-Known Member

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    That's not even close to being a "basic sideshow circus act", I fucking despise the douches who write for Cracked.
     
  8. ChimneySweep

    ChimneySweep Well-Known Member

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    I remember the guy who's "talent" was getting hit in his nuts with shit. Pretty awesome stuff there. What a gift. :rolleyes:
     
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  9. Gretsch Man

    Gretsch Man Well-Known Member

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    Wasn't that on "Idiocracy?"
     
  10. ChimneySweep

    ChimneySweep Well-Known Member

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  11. Gretsch Man

    Gretsch Man Well-Known Member

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    Wow.
     
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  12. ChimneySweep

    ChimneySweep Well-Known Member

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    That's some talent, huh?
     
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  13. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    Well remember, Howard went on the show to straighten them out. He stated over and over he was tired of watching them put thru ridiculous stunts that weren't talent.

    Oh wait. He also said he took the job as a goof.
    Oh wait. He also said he never said he took the job as a goof, and that he took it super seriously to show how it should be done.
     
  14. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    2011

    "I'm going to be Piers [Morgan] on steroids," Stern promised, in reference to the former lead judge. "It's going to be a no-nonsense judge ... I'm going to go there as a serious judge ... It's gonna be something else ... I am very excited."

    "This nonsense of Howie and Sharon putting through less-than-talented people has got to stop," Stern thundered. "Under my administration there will be no Frank Sinatra impersonators winning for the year. If people think I'm the crazy man, I am not. I am the voice of reason," he said, railing against some of the acts that have gotten through in the past that he would not abide by. "Goofy acts are not going through."
     
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  15. boomer1976

    boomer1976 Well-Known Member VIP

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    Ryan Stock is a Canadian-based TV stunt man from Edmonton, Alberta who has a show on the Discovery Channel called "Guinea Pig". Stock and his fiancée Amber Lynn Walker travel around Canada and the United States and perform stunts involving electrical shocks, automobile crashes, and intentional poisoning. The Guinea pig show is no longer in production but may still air in some countries.[1] Stock became fascinated with magic at an early age and quickly developed his skills as a magician. He soon moved on from simple tricks to performing feats such as fire-eating and fire-breathing. Ryan Stock is also the creator and originator of several sideshow stunts performed around the world. Notably, his signature piece created in the year 2000 entitled "The Human MeatHead". This stunt involves forcing a large meat hook into his nose and out his mouth, from which he then hangs weight (up to 70 lbs) from the hook.


    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Stock





     
  16. boomer1976

    boomer1976 Well-Known Member VIP

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  17. the G-man

    the G-man Well-Known Member

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    That's technically true if one is referring to failing on American network television
     
  18. yaddc

    yaddc Well-Known Member

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  19. Gretsch Man

    Gretsch Man Well-Known Member

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    Personally, I hope someone does die in an upcoming episode. I'd actually watch that one.