Stern Show An Hour And A Half With Amy Schumer - Discuss

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by NeverHoward, Aug 23, 2016.

  1. NeverHoward

    NeverHoward Active Member VIP

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    Amy Schumer Visits 8:55am
    After the break they played ''A Storm Tip from Richard Christy's Dad'' bit, a phony phone call Sal and Richard made to a religious internet show, a song parody about Ronnie the Limo Driver and a message of hope from Wendy the Slow Adult about children born without heads. They also played Adele's ''Someone Like You'' and Robin singing ''Cocaine.'' They played a phony phone call to a Swap Shop show using Medicated Pete clips. They played John Mayer's cover of ''Free Fallin'' as they were coming back.
    Howard came back and said he's going to interrupt this song and insert himself. He said Amy Schumer is there and she wrote a book which is a memoir kind of thing. Howard said she's a big star. Amy said it's such a violent way to put headphones on. She was talking about the way Gary put them on.

    Amy said she was in the hospital because she was coughing so much that she cracked a rib. Howard said he thinks she's doing too much. Howard said she was burning the candle at both ends. Howard said she has a young boyfriend and she's trying to please him and everyone in show business. Amy said he's right except when it comes to sex. She said she just lays there like she's getting a CAT scan. She said Howard is right about the other stuff. Howard asked why she doesn't put anything into sex. Amy said they love having sex but she deals with his balls with her own volition. She said they have sex every day. She said it's not sexy having sex with a girl whose rib hurts.

    Howard said he learned a lot about Amy in her new book. Howard said he found some interesting parts in there. Howard asked if she got $8 million for the book. Amy said that's not true. She said she got 100 million and she already spent the money. Howard said he's sure she wrote it herself. Amy said she did and she worked on it with her sister in law and her sister.

    Howard said Amy is about to do a world wide stand up tour. Amy said she's going to die so take it all in. She said she got herself sick and she doesn't' have time to take off. She said after new year's she's going to take sometime off. Howard said he admires that work ethic. Howard said she's young and she can use that energy to build something great.

    Howard asked Amy if she was in the middle of filming a movie when she got sick. She said she did and they had to stop production. She said she felt awful. She said insurance wouldn't clear her to go back to work. Howard said she was working with Goldie Hawn too. Howard asked if she felt a sense of dread. Amy said it was one of the worst times in her life. She said they were in Hawaii and she was bed ridden. Amy said she was there with her sister and things were just going awful. She said she was being drained in there and they had to laugh about it all.

    Howard asked if this is the first movie she's done since Trainwreck. Amy said she did another one that was a drama. She said it was called ''Thank You For Your Service.''

    Howard said Trainwreck made $135 million. He asked if the scripts are getting better. Howard said they must be. Amy said she was surprised that they cast her for this movie. She said the movie was about PTSD. She said it's a real story. She said David Finkle wrote a book about PTSD and that's what the movie is based on.

    Howard asked Amy about how the audition thing went for the movie. She said she tried really hard for it and she ended up getting the part.

    Howard said Amy donated her salary from that movie to military families. He said that's pretty cool. Amy said the Goldie Hawn movie is coming out next year. She said they were all in Hawaii and she missed 7 full days of shooting. Howard asked if she sees herself sick in the movie. Amy said not at all. She said they had a great time making it. She said it's such a funny movie.

    Howard said when he read that she gave her salary to the military families and she gave almost all of her salary to her crew on Inside Amy Schumer he wonders if she has money. Amy said she makes good money doing stand up. Howard said comedy Central makes good money so they should be paying her crew. Amy said that's not the way it works. She said it felt good to give her crew the money. She said it feels so good to do that.

    Howard said Amy was given a $1 million advance for a book and she returned it. Amy said the agent she was working with got her $500,000 and she asked for a million and they got it. Howard said Amy returned the money. Amy said she gave it back plus 50 grand. She was too busy to do it at the time. She said she figured she could do a better job if she waited.

    Howard said this time they gave her $8 million. Amy said they did not. Howard said he's just trying to figure it all out. Howard said he heard she went to see Hamilton and she gave a $5,000 tip. Amy said people should spread their money around. She said it feels so good to be able to do that. Howard said that's a great tip. Howard said it was a $77 bill and she gave a $5,000 tip. Howard asked if she's upset that it ends up in the paper. Amy said she asks people not to tell the press but they do. She said it's a lot of pressure now when she goes out.

    Howard asked if she feels pressure from these movies and the box office now that she's done well with Trainwreck. Amy said no. She said she is still so naive. She said she's not sure Trainwreck made that kind of money and she's not dying to stay in the movie biz. She said she loves doing stand up and she loves writing.

    Howard said Amy played Madison Square Garden. Howard said he wasn't there because he had no idea it was happening. Howard asked if that was the biggest crowd she's ever played. She said maybe it was. She said she has done the Oddball tour too and that's big but it's not just her. Howard said it must be tough to relate to the audience when it's that vast. Amy said it was the best night of her life. She said there were 18,000 people there and it was so cool. Howard asked if it works like it does in a small club. Amy said she's been doing arenas on the road so she was used to it. She said she's doing a big tour soon too so she'll be playing more arenas. Howard said she's the first female comic to play Madison Square Garden.

    Howard said he asked Whitney Cummings if she feels the jealousy from other comics after making it big. Howard asked Amy if she feels under attack. Amy said it's not about her. She said that she was friends with some people in the beginning and not a lot of them are left in her life. Howard asked if she has tried to hang with them. Amy said some of them said they can't deal with it. She said she's been doing stand up for 13 years or so and she's been friends with some comics for 10 years. Amy said she's still close with her high school friends. She said it was tough for a while but they found each other again.

    Howard asked if she ever goes out to dinner and someone else picks up the bill. Amy said she won't let that happen. Howard asked if Judd Apatow wants to work with her more. Amy said she's sure he would but he's busy doing other things. She said that she has another movie in the works.

    Howard said in her book (''The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo'') he noticed a theme. He said he didn't know she was in love with her dad. Howard said she writes a lot about her father but not much about her mother. Howard said he didn't know that she had an affair. Howard asked if her mom got upset about that. Amy said she cleared everything. She said she told her mom she would take the whole chapter out if she wanted to. Amy said she was fine with it.

    Howard said the thing that struck him was that her mom had an affair with Amy's best friend's father. Howard said that's like lighting a nuclear bomb in her life. Amy said she was at a good age for that. She was 13. Howard said she was so together at that age. Amy said she felt like they were all in this quest and they were doing the best they could. She said it was really hard. She said she had some anger for her mom but it was mostly just pain. She said it's a cycle of pain and guilt. Howard asked if her mom is still in her life. Amy said she is. She said she read back her journals and her mom made her a support system. She said she was angry about that. Howard said Amy got brainwashed into thinking dad was the bad guy. Howard said he likes that she included the journal in the book. Howard said she should do a whole book about that. Amy said she might. She said she kept a journal from 13 to 23. Howard said that's very good. He said he picked up this thing with her dad.

    Howard asked Amy if she drinks a lot. Amy said she has wine every night pretty much. She said her dad used to drink a lot. She said now he's like Stephen hawking so he can't but he sneaks wine. Amy said he's getting ready to get Stem Cells. Robin said they do say red wine is good for you. Amy told her to stop it.

    Howard asked if her dad gave the okay for her to write about him shitting in public. Amy said he did. She said that the first time they were at an amusement park and they were going on the roller coaster and they got down once and he wasn't there. She said she was maybe 11 or 12 and he wasn't there. He finally came back and he was wearing not pants. She said his shirt was long and the bottom was all wet. She said he said they had to go. Amy said she got a whiff of what was up when they were leaving so she let her sister sit in the front. She said that they got back home and he asked them not to tell their mom about it. She said he was stripped of all dignity.

    Howard asked Amy about her childhood and how they went bankrupt. Amy said things were good until she was about 9 and then it all went away.
     
  2. WillyBest

    WillyBest Achiever Gold

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  3. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    I'm going to Ruby Tuesday this weekend!!!


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  4. tedsfrozenhead

    tedsfrozenhead Well-Known Member

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    I ain't listening g to that shit and I certainly ain't reading it either.
     
  5. Sea Slob

    Sea Slob Well-Known Member

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    They just went out of business and likely haven't refreshed their stock of meat, rolls and fries. Enjoy eating month old garbage :pie:
     
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  6. NeverHoward

    NeverHoward Active Member VIP

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    Howard asked Amy how long she's been with this boyfriend. Amy said Howard met him the second night they went out. Howard said this is a really long relationship. Howard said Amy dated a guy once who raped her. Amy said she felt it was important to write that. She said she was in an abusive relationship and she thinks it's a good thing for men and women to read. She said that this guy who raped her was in bed while they were half asleep and he was doing stuff to her while she slept. She said she stayed in the relationship with him and it messed her up. Howard asked if she's warning women about how fucked up guys are. Amy said that it's not a perfect rape thing. She said people hear her saying that and they think she knew what was happening. Amy said that they can make victims not want to speak up. She said her virginity was taken from her not in a cool way. She said that she didn't want to press charges against the guy. She said she used to talk about it in her act and she called it Grape because it was a grey area. Howard said he knew better when he was a kid. He said he knows not to put his penis in a girl if she's sleeping. Amy said it's not a grey area about it being rape but a grey area about knowing what to do.

    Howard said he knows a lot of women who won't speak out. He said they won't report it and they feel bad for the boyfriend. Amy said it's messed up and not fair. She said it shouldn't have happened to her and she hopes this helps stop it from happening to at least one person.

    Howard said he's not sure what the guy's real name was. Amy said it's Ronnie the Limo Driver. She was kidding of course. Howard asked if this guy smacked her around or yelled at her. Amy said he would yell at her and there was some times when he hurt her. She said he would rip the shower curtain down and laugh at her and he pissed on her too. Howard asked why she would stay with a guy like that. Amy said she was in love with the guy. Amy said she's always done well for herself but she thought she was meant to be with this guy.

    Howard asked Amy why she stayed and didn't get out. Amy said she loved him and believed him. Robin said he was apologizing and she believed him. Amy said she eventually knew she had to get out. She said she had to do it for her little sister. She said she didn't want her to get that phone call. Howard said she was like a different person in a sense. Amy said she was always a wise ass. She said that it can happen to anyone though.

    Howard said with the new boyfriend does she have trust issues. He asked if she thinks he's going to fuck up. Amy said that it's not who he is. She said he is the most gentle guy. She said she will get flash backs though. She said she can freak out. She said she had it happen once with them. She said it probably helped her get closer though.

    Howard asked about her describing herself as being an introvert and if she can go to a party and enjoy it. Amy said she doesn't like going to parties. She said it's her worst nightmare to go to a celebrity party. She said you have to wear things that are uncomfortable and talk about stuff you don't want to talk about. Amy said she doesn't like the farce of the whole thing.

    Howard asked if she feels like she has to talk and schmooze with people. Amy said she went to the Met Gala and met Beyonce. She said that she asked if that was her first time there. Amy said it was her last and it felt like a punishment to her. Howard said it's like a forced conversation. Amy said she has no interest in fashion. She said she is all for dressing more comfortably but she really doesn't care.

    Amy said she was on vacation with Ben and she wanted to go buy something expensive. She said they went to a Prada store and they all say a big ''Hi!' and let them know if you need anything. She said of course she'll let them know. She said she just wants to shop. Howard asked if she knows what to buy. Amy said all she knew is that everything looked whack. She said even if it was $39,000 it was crazy.

    Howard said Amy hit it off with J-Law. Amy said she's not out to make celebrity friends though. Howard said she's so self aware and that's what she goofs on. Amy said she has to keep it real with people she is friends with. She said she and Taylor Swift hit it off and she's part of that world now. She can't believe it.

    Howard said she almost has to do that though. Amy said that she's friends with Lena Dunham and Jerry Seinfeld and people like that. She said that Chris Rock directed her special. She said she's nominated for an Emmy but she's not going to win because she's up against Lemonade by Beyonce. She said she's not going to win against that. Howard asked how that even happens.

    Howard asked Amy about the introversion thing. Amy said Howard is like that too. Howard said he won't go anywhere. Howard said he was invited to a great party but just the idea of going and having to talk would feel like a waste of time.

    Howard said Amy hates being stuck in an elevator with people. Amy said she hates the small talk. She said that she doesn't want to go through that.

    Howard asked if she has a lower back tattoo. Amy said she does and it's awful. She said it's raised and it's not level. She said it's not symmetrical and it doesn't mean anything so it's stupid. She got it at 18. Howard asked if she would ever get it removed. Amy said it's her mistake and she's keeping it. She said that she likes having it there when she goes to the Four Seasons pool. She said she thinks that it's not a tramp stamp but it is white trash. She said she has a slutty lower back tattoo. <>Howard said the book is called ''The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo'' and she's got a web site at AmySchumer.com

    Howard asked Amy if she's pulling a Dave Chappelle and walking away from her Comedy Central show. Amy said it's a lot of work to do that show. She said that it's been a big deal for her but it's a draining thing. Howard said it's kind of exhausting. Amy said she has to pick and choose what she wants to do. She said she has to take care of herself. She said her rib hurts. Howard said this season is her last season. Amy said it is and it's not a negotiation thing. She said it's more like a Larry David kind of thing where she can walk away for a while.

    Howard said Amy says in her book that she sold weed and shop lifted. She said she was a kid and she did that. Howard said he doesn't think of her as trash like that. Robin said it's more of a troubled thing. Howard said that Amy had to avoid her mom when she was dating her best friend's dad. Howard said maybe that made her sell the weed and shoplift. Amy said she didn't do that for long. She said she didn't sell the weed for long.

    Howard asked if success is a great thing. He said he sees on Twitter that people give her a lot of shit. Howard said it's like she's everyone's darling but then people want to shit on her. Amy said she reads that stuff and corrects their spelling. Howard said it's acknowledging those people thoguh. Howard asked if she blocks people. Amy said she does. She said she likes to be able to tell them she doesn't like the way they're talking to her.

    Howard asked Amy about teaching herself how to masturbate. Amy said she watched the movie Mannequin. Howard didn't remember the movie. Howard had to be reminded of what it was about. Amy said she masturbated to that movie. Howard said he senses that when he brings up the affair her mom had she doesn't want to remember it or talk about it. Amy said she wanted to write about it and she's happy to talk about it with Howard. She said she's still in pain about it. Howard asked how she found out about it. Amy said her mom told her. Howard said that's brave. Howard asked why she told her. Amy said she was crying and she asked her about it. She said she was excited for her. She said she didn't leave her dad though. Howard said she stuck around in the marriage. Howard asked why she wrote this book. Amy said Howard wrote a couple. Howard said he regrets writing those books.

    Howard asked if Amy is going to marry this guy. Amy said maybe. She said she loves the guy. She said they met online through an app. Howard asked what app that is. Amy said she doesn't want to say what it is unless she's an investor in it. Howard said she doesn't care about money that much. Amy said she wants money. She said it's called ''Jews who love big dongs.''

    Howard gave Amy another plug for her book. He said it's available everywhere books are sold. Howard said Amy is in love with this guy Ben. Amy said she will lay there for him any time he wants. She said she doesn't do anything. Howard asked why she doesn't do anything. She said she does talk dirty. She said both of them are very giving. Howard asked if she initiates. She said sure. She said she just doesn't do crazy stuff like you see in hip hop videos.
    .
     
  7. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    I'm getting the salad bar instead :dancin:
     
  8. NeverHoward

    NeverHoward Active Member VIP

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    Howard said Amy hasn't done anal yet. Amy said maybe she'll love it when she does it eventually. She said she knows you have to deal with the lube. Amy said no guy has ever cum on her face either. Howard said he'd never cum on someone's face. He said it's insulting. Amy said Howard is such an angel. She said Beth stole him from the rest of them. Howard said no woman wants his load on her face. Amy said Ben cums inside her usually. She said that she's on the Nuvaring so she's not worried about that. She said that it's a ring you put in there for like 3 weeks and then bleed all over the furniture. She said that it's always the tits. She said the belly is boring. Howard asked if the cum smells. Amy said that her boyfriend's cum smell turns her on actually. She said she hopes his parents don't listen to this. She said they're the sweetest people. She said his mom is like a contestant on the Price is Right who just got called down.

    Howard asked if their parents have met. Amy said no. She said she's not sure that's in the cards. She said they're not talking about having kids for at least 2 years. She said you have to take care of them. Amy said she doesn't even have a plant. She said she won't even water that.

    Howard asked Amy about meeting the parents of the boyfriend. Amy said that sometimes you get a feeling that the mom loves her son so much that she'd want to fuck him. She said this mom isn't like that. She said she's not sure she's even attracted to her own son. Howard asked if they're upset about her being Jewish. Amy said not at all. She said they're really cool. Howard told her to take it slow with this guy. Amy said that they live together. She said that he has a business at TheLastWorkshop.com. She said he's a furniture maker.

    Howard said they should sum up. Then he said maybe they shouldn't. Howard said he wishes her success and the book success. Howard said he's sorry her mom fucked this guy. He said he's sorry about everything else too. Amy said thank you. She said she loves Ben. Howard said a couple of guys really shit on her so he's sensitive to that.

    Howard said he saw Amy at a North Shore event. He said he saw her in a bikini somewhere else too. Howard said she looked good. Amy said she looked like Ben Rothlesberger next to Beth. Howard had a laugh over that. Howard gave her some more plugs.

    Howard asked Amy why she hates couples that work out together. Amy asked if Howard does that. Howard said no. Amy didn't say why it annoyed her. Howard asked if she's contagious. Amy said no one got sick from her. Howard gave her another plug and asked how much she charged for an ounce. Amy said she doesn't remember. Howard gave her more plugs for her web site and all of that. Howard said he'll hug her goodbye even though she's sick. They went to break after that. As they went to break they played Dido performing ''Thank You'' in the Howard Stern Show studio. They also played a song parody about Howard
     
  9. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    [​IMG]
     
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  10. NeverHoward

    NeverHoward Active Member VIP

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    How much do you weigh?
     
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  11. Kanye West

    Kanye West Yeezus!

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    i want to hit that so bad
     
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  12. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    How much do what weigh?
     
  13. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    She had a good body in Trainwreck
     
  14. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock VIP

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    I find her sexy too. Can't explain it, I just do.
     
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  15. DrSublux

    DrSublux Who am dis VIP

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    Isnt that the comedian that steals material?
     
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  16. NeverHoward

    NeverHoward Active Member VIP

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    Chriza's other stand in. :facepalm:
     
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  17. lilbuddy67

    lilbuddy67 A man with breath-taking anger management issues Banned User

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  18. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    As well as Cheddar Bay Biscuits


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  19. DrSublux

    DrSublux Who am dis VIP

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    dont show me that I am on a diet :mad:
     
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  20. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    Ruby Tuesday got them dark ass croutons


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