Howard Stern, died last night from auto erotica asphyxiation. Friends and family say that although he professed constant sexual activity with his wife, she was, in reality, always out on red carpets and Mom Cave shoots. So he had to resort to auto erotica and baby sitter porn. Stern will be remembered as a cutting edge DJ that faded into obscurity and was ridiculed after Billy, Jackie, and Artie left the show, and after his second marriage, when his wife put his balls in her purse. In the last years of Stern's life he resorted to peeing in cups around his bowling alley, a la Howard Hughes, and was known to have fits of rage after his second wife adopted one too many cats. His psychiatrist could not be reached for comment.