Anyone ever live with an elderly(ish) family member?

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by deverrant, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. deverrant

    deverrant VIP Extreme Gold

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    I decided a couple weeks ago that I'm going to move. I can't stand my living arrangement anymore and was looking forward to having my own place. All mine... just me, Steve and my kiddo. No more roommates. ( :cheer: )

    Then, my (great) aunt, who's in her early 70's had a heart attack. Her health/mobility/mental acuity has not been on par for the past year or so, but she's not decrepit. She struggles with laundry and certain household chores; she forgets to take her meds and forgets to pay bills, etc. But she gets around ok, dresses herself, occupies her time and all that.

    Anyway, she had 2 surgeries (artery stents) and is currently in a physical rehab. As of now she can't get up on her own, but she's improving daily. Her living situation post-rehab is up in the air. It all depends on her progress, but it seems she'll likely not be so bad that she needs constant care, but she won't be able to live alone. At the very least she'll struggle with keeping house and remembering meds and bills.

    Neither my cousin (her daughter), nor any other family member has the time/space to take her in. So that would mean assisted-living or frequent visits from in-home care workers... both of which are very expensive as well as fucking depressing (and depression is something she's struggled with a lot these last couple years).

    The only other option is... me.
    I'm home 'til 11:30 every morning and my schedule is flexible. Her half of rent/living expenses would be WAY less than what she'd pay at a retirement facility, or even the house she owns now, so she'd be saving money in stead of spending more. Plus then she'd be with family and it would likely help her spirits. She and I were very close when I was a kid, and still are. She's snarky and a smartass with a foul mouth. :jj: And she looooves my daughter...
     
  2. deverrant

    deverrant VIP Extreme Gold

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    ...Like I said everything depends on her rehab progress. If she'll be a full-time job, no. I couldn't handle that.
    BUT if she's just kinda around, doin' her thing and I do mine; and I just make sure she takes her meds, do her wash, cook if she needs me to, help her with a bath if she needs me to, etc... that I can handle. I'd be cooking, doing wash and keeping house for my daughter and I anyway. Wouldn't be much of an added burden.

    By the time I got home from work, it'd be almost her bed time so my nights would be hassle-free. And if I want to go out or go away, my sister or my mom can check in on her (we were all taking turns doing that anyway this last year or two, as her health and mobility started to decline).

    ...and I'd talk to my cousin and it would be understood that if she REALLY went downhill fast and it got to be too much/my care was not enough, other arrangements would be made. I'd not be caring for her on her deathbed. But my hope is that she'll exit rehab in a state that living with me would be good for her and give her several more quality years; while being nothing more than I can handle, given my lifestyle which is not terribly demanding and is pretty flexible.

    I don't want to see her in an assisted-living facility, with a bunch of strangers (she doesn't make friends easily). And I don't want to see her alone all day except for an hour or two nurse visit. Either of those scenarios would make her miserable. BUT I also don't want to bite off more than I can chew... for her sake as well as mine.

    ...I guess it all depends on her level of need when she's released from the rehab in 6-8 weeks. :dontknow:
     
  3. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    [​IMG]
     
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  4. Mlaw

    Mlaw Quite Contrarian Gold

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    Dev, you can apply for a program that actually pays you to keep her at home, rather than go to a nursing home---it's not in all states, but let me check
     
  5. Gator

    Gator What?

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  6. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Get to learn your smileys, shit mult!

    :pickme:<---------------------------------:rolleye:
     
  7. babybear

    babybear r.i.p 8/3/15, Wherewolf of AZ VIP

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    you would be a good person for doing something like that and i bet her and Steve
    would be good for each other.
     
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  8. crazypreacher

    crazypreacher Hey yo

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    Ya. Grandmother had the parkinson's when I was a teenager. Not the easiest thing even with some home care help.
     
  9. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Typing all of that in 2 posts doesn't make it shorter.:wtf:
     
  10. Mlaw

    Mlaw Quite Contrarian Gold

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    Stew Nod likes this.
  11. Mlaw

    Mlaw Quite Contrarian Gold

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    what would she do with her house?
     
  12. deverrant

    deverrant VIP Extreme Gold

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    :rolleyes:

    Wouldn't that be based on her income?
    I wouldn't ask her for a dime. She had me a lot when I was a kid and has done much for me over the years... but truth be told she can afford almost any kind of arrangement. She's more than comfortable, financially. Just cheap. :jj: And those assisted-living places have a way of draining a person. My mom works at one and some residents pay over $6,000 a month!

    I'd just assume that the state would base it off whether or not she could afford to pay me. (Which she could if I were to ask for it).
     
  13. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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  14. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    [​IMG]
     
  15. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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    Its good karma.
    Do it o_O
     
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  16. deverrant

    deverrant VIP Extreme Gold

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    Sell. My cousin has already consulted realtors. She's pretty certain that she'll not be able to live alone or be willing to pay for/able to afford frequent home-care visits.
     
  17. babybear

    babybear r.i.p 8/3/15, Wherewolf of AZ VIP

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    Steve could be a helper dog and wear a vest,then you could take him anywhere.
     
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  18. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Swifty lives with an old person.
     
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  19. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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    o_O:mad:
     
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  20. I invented that

    I invented that VIP Extreme Gold POTY Politics

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    my 89 year old mother in law moved in with us 2 years ago it's working out pretty good, having an in-law suite really helps. for the most part it's been a positive experience.
     
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