WTF before you lay down to sleep tonight, try this and report back

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by MilkyDischarge, Oct 1, 2016.

  1. MilkyDischarge

    MilkyDischarge The "Fuckin' cockroach infestation!" Gold

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    Prayer Before Sleep

    At the end of this day, Lord Satan
    I thank you for each gift that you have bestowed upon me
    For teaching me ancient ways
    For experiences both good and bad that has made me stronger
    For the people you have taught me through
    For the pleasures in which I have partaken
    As I sleep, I ask that I may enter your dark realm
    So that I may be in your unholy presence
    Guide me, Satan, unto yourself
    And may I be forever grasped in your mighty wings.


    And for waking up....


    Prayer Upon Waking

    At the start of this new day, Lord Lucifer
    My thoughts are of you and I know you are with me
    I give this day to you
    Lead me to walk your path without hesitation
    To places where I will gain wisdom
    To sources where I will gain knowledge
    And where I can make a difference for you
    Push me so that no minute will be lost to laziness, inactivity or boredom
    So I will be the best that I can be in all areas of my life
    Watch over me this day
    Protect me from my enemies
    Wherever I am, may people see you in me
    And in everything I do, may you be honoured


    IMG_4355.JPG
     
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  2. DrivenByDemons

    DrivenByDemons Spinoff Jesus Gold

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    So cool
     
  3. larryluncg

    larryluncg Fuck you, that's my name VIP Gold

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    Not going to try!
     
  4. RaeRae

    RaeRae Rae Gold

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    Satan is a skunk.
     
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  5. FamilyJ

    FamilyJ Official designated driver of the Shed.

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    My kids are gonna LOVE it!
     
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  6. Dan

    Dan Do you like my car?

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  7. zhukov

    zhukov Time Traveler VIP

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    Just in case there is a God, fuck that.
     
  8. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    I got enough problems. Why would I invite Satan into it?
     
  9. Syrinx

    Syrinx Warden of the West Gold

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  10. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Vice POTY VIP

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    But Beezlebub has done none of these things for me....:wtf:
     
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  11. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Vice POTY VIP

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  12. Ingens

    Ingens VIP Extreme Gold

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    [​IMG]
     
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  13. Beefus and Wigward lies

    Beefus and Wigward lies Hurts so good.

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    And conversely:
    A Prayer for God’s Protection
    71 I run to you, Lord,
    for protection.
    Don’t disappoint me.
    2 You do what is right,
    so come to my rescue.
    Listen to my prayer
    and keep me safe.
    3 Be my mighty rock,[a]
    the place
    where I can always run
    for protection.
    Save me by your command!
    You are my mighty rock
    and my fortress.

    4 Come and save me, Lord God,
    from vicious and cruel
    and brutal enemies!
    5 I depend on you,
    and I have trusted you
    since I was young.
    6 I have relied on you[b]
    from the day I was born.
    You brought me safely
    through birth,
    and I always praise you.

    7 Many people think of me
    as something evil.
    But you are my mighty protector,
    8 and I praise and honor you
    all day long.
    9 Don’t throw me aside
    when I am old;
    don’t desert me
    when my strength is gone.
    10 My enemies are plotting
    because they want me dead.
    11 They say, “Now we’ll catch you!
    God has deserted you,
    and no one can save you.”
    12 Come closer, God!
    Please hurry and help.
    13 Embarrass and destroy
    all who want me dead;
    disgrace and confuse
    all who want to hurt me.
    14 I will never give up hope
    or stop praising you.
    15 All day long I will tell
    the wonderful things you do
    to save your people.
    But you have done much more
    than I could possibly know.
    16 I will praise you, Lord God,
    for your mighty deeds
    and your power to save.

    17 You have taught me
    since I was a child,
    and I never stop telling about
    your marvelous deeds.
    18 Don’t leave me when I am old
    and my hair turns gray.
    Let me tell future generations
    about your mighty power.
    19 Your deeds of kindness
    are known in the heavens.
    No one is like you!

    20 You made me suffer a lot,
    but you will bring me
    back from this deep pit
    and give me new life.
    21 You will make me truly great
    and take my sorrow away.

    22 I will praise you, God,
    the Holy One of Israel.
    You are faithful.
    I will play the harp
    and sing your praises.
    23 You have rescued me!
    I will celebrate and shout,
    singing praises to you
    with all my heart.
    24 All day long I will announce
    your power to save.
    I will tell how you disgraced
    and disappointed
    those who wanted to hurt me.

    Dont forget the amen and a hey nonny nonny and a ha-cha cha!
     
  14. Apple the cat

    Apple the cat Moral conscience of the Shed

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    You must pray to him for pussy son....
     
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  15. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Vice POTY VIP

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    No. The resulting vuh Jay Jay would have fangs. Not worth it...
     
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  16. Father O'Blivion

    Father O'Blivion Well-Known Member

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    The closest I get to organized religion is my Catholic Ritual flavored incense... I dig that old time smoking purse.

    [​IMG]
     
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  17. MilkyDischarge

    MilkyDischarge The "Fuckin' cockroach infestation!" Gold

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    Don't anger His army with such nonsense!

    Prayer of the Satanic Warrior

    Oh Satan, you give us the power to trample the remnants of Christianity that is left in this world
    Fill us with your essence
    Let it run through our veins, our souls, our minds… our entire being
    We trample on the cross... we spit upon the book of lies... we desecrate the virgin whore
    Forever standing proud against the Abrahamic ‘god’
    We blaspheme his holy spirit and laugh at his suffering
    Inspiring those in shackles to break free from his tyrant ways
    Entice them to take that precious bite, where they will be delivered forevermore
    You are the mighty one, Lord Satan
    And have bestowed upon us the knowledge that has made us what we are today
    We hail your name and stand strong with you for all eternity
    Inspire us even further to do the work you have for us
    To be warriors for you in this world and beyond
    Standing up to our enemies and yours alike
    We honour you through our words, our actions, our thoughts
    Each day that we live upon this earth, may we grow stronger in wisdom and in our love for you
    You are our Father, our Teacher, our Muse, our Everything
    We have taken your mark in dedication
    And the universe will know that we are yours
    Place your mighty hand upon us and lead us further down your infernal path
    Hail Satan!
     
  18. MilkyDischarge

    MilkyDischarge The "Fuckin' cockroach infestation!" Gold

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    Try this...

    Sex Spell
    You may use this simple and powerful sex spell to improve your sex life and also to increase sexual relation with your lover.

    This spell has lots of positive effects; it will also attract lovers, with the power of this spell you will be able to enjoy very happy sexual relationship. By casting this spell your lover will find you very attractive and he will want to come to you and also be with you and if he or she is with some other person then he will also leave her and will come to you. Also this spell will also increase the bond in married couples.

    To cast this spell you will need 2 big candles. Once candle will be white in color and the other candle will be red in color. On the white candle you will write your name and your mothers name and on the red candle you will write your lovers name. You will need to wear white clothes and you will cast the spell in the morning before sunrise.

    You may light the candles together and chant these words ___________(your name) TERAN MILAN JOYE ANUSAAR______(name of your love). You may chant these words 360 times . After this is done, you will have to collect the wax of the candles that was melted and burry it outside the house of your lover in such a way that he should always cross the wax that you have hidden the ground. The spell will affect him and his mind in such a way that he will always think of you and will want to be with you always.

    Again while casting this spell it is important that you are positive and also you may only think of him in a positive way. Also you will have to do proper meditation while casting the spell so that you will have positive and effective results.
     
  19. Beefus and Wigward lies

    Beefus and Wigward lies Hurts so good.

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    Milky, just having fun.
    You're great!
     
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  20. Donkey Patrol

    Donkey Patrol The Mouthy One Gold

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    He loves Satan and man ass

    Go figure