Beth's Yoda book vs. Eric the Midget's Dougie the Puggy

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by SchwoogieBuzzer, Nov 10, 2014.

  1. SchwoogieBuzzer

    SchwoogieBuzzer Well-Known Member

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    Listening to an old show when ETM reads an excerpt from his book 'Dougie the Puggy'. Hypocrite Howie and the gang mock Eric for how bad it is. So I decided to go to Amazon and look at the writing of Beth's Yoda book. I have transcribed the contents for a proper literary comparison. How would Howie react to another celebrity wife writing a children's book?

    Dougie the Puggy: The Holiday Story (Children’s version)

    Eric Lynch

    It was three days before Christmas and Dougie the Puggy was putting his four little puppies to bed.
    “Daddy?”, said little Peggy as she hopped onto her bed.
    “Yes Peggy?” Said Dougie.
    Peggy snuggled under her covers.
    “Can you please tell us my favorite Christmas story about when you were a puppy? The one about you, Uncle Athens and Aunt Alaska helping Eric out to meet his future wife?” Dougie smiled, “OK but afterwards you must go right to sleep.”
    All the puppies were very excited. The puppies that belonged to Alaska wanted to hear the story and so did the puppies that belonged to Athens. They all pulled their beds closer to Dougie’s puppies to listen. By the glow of the glittering Christmas tree lights, and the warm fire in the fireplace, Dougie the Puggy began to tell his tale with Athens and Alaska and all their little puppies listening.

    Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens

    New York Times Bestselling Author Beth Stern

    Yoda was a Persian kitten.
    Perky ears. Smiling eyes. Pretty fur. Long fluffy tail.
    He used to have dreams about climbing trees, catching mice and becoming a supercat.

    Back at home Yoda was still feeling blue, when all of a sudden…
    CRASH!
    MEW! MEW! MEW!
    PURR! PURR! PURR!
    What’s that? he wondered.
    He followed the sounds down a long hallway.
    (Illustration depicts sign hanging on door that reads: FOSTER KITTENS INSIDE! PLEASE KEEP DOOR CLOSED AT ALL TIMES! THANK YOU!)

    Yoda sprang into action.
    “Get down from there. NOW!”
    “Bad news – the parakeet in the painting isn’t, um, real.”
    “Fur + Milk = Yuck.”
    Then he got down to the business of grooming Archie.
    “Where was this kitten born? Under a rock?”
    If there’s one lesson every cat needs to learn, it’s that bath time is an absolute must.
     
  2. HORSETOOTHED

    HORSETOOTHED Well-Known Member

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    All the wackpackers should write animal themed children's books.
     
  3. Kool

    Kool Well-Known Member

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    Eric's parents should sue the Wigman.
     
  4. Swedish John

    Swedish John I'm your huckleberry

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    This book will be nominated for a Caldecott Medal.
     
  5. Mike2077

    Mike2077 Well-Known Member

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    H
    Howard Invented children and children books.
    The lawsuit won't hold up in court.
     
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  6. SomerSky

    SomerSky Obsessed with what I hate Banned User

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    The difference is that Eric actually wrote his drivel.....
     
  7. Halloween

    Halloween Well-Known Member

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    Dougie helps a crippled man meet the love of his life, and Yoda waddles around a mansion whining about foster kittens. I'd say Dougie wins in the plot department. Truly a literary masterpiece.
     
  8. Benjamen

    Benjamen Well-Known Member

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    Eric's was written for the more advanced reader.

    I still can't believe the publisher of this Yoda book isn't worried about a lawsuit from Disney. If Disney was to put out a book called "Baba Booey: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens," Howard would be splitting his time equally between his lawyer's office and his therapist's couch, crying about how the name Baba Booey is his intellectual property, and how Disney is deliberately trying to create confusion in the marketplace knowing that Howard's loyal audience will buy anything that says Baba Booey on it. He'd be planning his retirement around the winnings from his lawsuit.
     
  9. Calloused Shins

    Calloused Shins Well-Known Member

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    Eric was a fucking genius
     
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  10. JessOnCrack

    JessOnCrack Check out my maniacal laugh! Banned User

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    Eric 1
    Beth 0
     
  11. SillyOldMan

    SillyOldMan Well-Known Member

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    HOLY SHIT!!! The excerpt is real? I guess I shouldn't have expect anything better but good god is that writing absolutely horrible. Hitler Yoda.
     
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  12. Calloused Shins

    Calloused Shins Well-Known Member

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    .....and Beth is well, a conqueror
     
  13. Weed

    Weed Well-Known Member

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    And DIDN'T use a crayon!
     
  14. Bentknee

    Bentknee Well-Known Member

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    The pre-orders must not be so strong, Amazon is already discounting it to $11.24, which is still $11.23 too much.
     
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  15. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    I would've read Dougie the Puggy
     
  16. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    Any chance of Yoda making it on NYT/Amazon Best Seller list.


    ....zeroooo.... point.......zeeeehhhrooooo...
     
  17. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

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    $10.68 on Kindle. I can't wait to read the reviews. Oh and usually you can read the first chapter for free before buying on Kindle. Or in this case, it'll probably be the first page.
     
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  18. Bentknee

    Bentknee Well-Known Member

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    It will, Buchwald will make sure of it. He no doubt already has a crew lined up to buy them by the truck load. They will end up in a storage shed next to all of the copies of Oh My Dog that he had to buy.
     
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  19. SomerSky

    SomerSky Obsessed with what I hate Banned User

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    She will make the NYT bestseller list for "blind adopted children who like cats with heart failure" category......
     
  20. Quite Frankly

    Quite Frankly Well-Known Member

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    Only the audiobook (read by ETM) would be tolerable, with long breath pauses kept intact for maximum incidental comedic effect....