Blast from the past..."Howard Stern: What I've Learned"

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by pilo, Jun 14, 2013.

  1. pilo

    pilo Well-Known Member

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    http://www.esquire.com/features/what-ive-learned/ESQ0106STERN_76
    o lordy
    comparing his promises to the product :facepalm:
    especially funny since H101 has been pretty much dismantled :facepalm::facepalm:


    On January 9, when I go to satellite, you will hear two full channels of the most outrageous programming. The Howard 100 brand on Sirius is going to be what National Lampoon was back in the day. We're going to give you sitcoms, movies, game shows — even news. We have a full-fledged news service following everything in the Howard Stern world. There are seventeen newspeople — hardcore newspeople. I gave them complete autonomy. I said, "If you hear I'm doing something wrong, you investigate me." I have no say over it. I won't become the FCC. I'm not going to censor my own news department; that would ruin the concept. They started investigating my contract because I'm having this battle with Viacom. They're calling over to Viacom and it hits me: Oh, no! I can't stop them! So I'm shitting bullets already.

    Just imagine if this actually panned out
    Imagine the investigations on NSAL being a shitty waste of money, the amount of wildlife displaced by chimney manor, the fake backstories behind their cats, the fake backstory behind 6ianca, the $52M abortion by the sea, the lack of any evidence whatsoever of Beff modoeing in Europe, the Artie fiasco, the Robin fiasco, Howards dwindling fanbase, his endless stream of lies, his wig, his faltering AGT ratings, the fact that the other judges dislike him, the fact that his kids hate him, the fact that his former fans hate him, it goes on and on

    They need to find this notebook fast


     
  2. jimbronie

    jimbronie Well-Known Member

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    I guess what he said above really doesn't matter. As we have found out. All he does is lie.
     
  3. Joe Bauers

    Joe Bauers Well-Known Member

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    Shameless self promoter. :coffee: We we're all duped by a compulsive liar. :facepalm:
     
  4. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    I believed it and thought it was going to be fantastic.

    Too bad that is too long to tweet to him. Motherfucker needs his come-uppance. Two shows on H100. What a fucking shame.
     
  5. Art

    Art Grandiloquent Bloviator VIP

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    P. T. Barnum said it, and Howard proved it. :facepalm:
     
  6. smichal

    smichal A1 Dick Game

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    You said it, Bye You! :za:
     
  7. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    Art, I'm a sucker. :bigcry:
     
  8. Murphy

    Murphy mglw'nafh fhthagn-ngah VIP

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    Twatunis
    :lol:
     
  9. Murphy

    Murphy mglw'nafh fhthagn-ngah VIP

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    Sour! :yay:
     
  10. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    Wait! Wait! Let me show you the black book. This is where the ideas go. I can't tell you everything we're gonna do, but you know that show The View, right? I've got a show coming on called Crack Whore View. We take all of the topics they discuss on The View that day, then take four crack whores and let them discuss those same issues. We're gonna have The Lesbian Dating Game, with a real host. Real lesbians. Play the game and guess what? We don't leave you for the date. The date goes on right in the studio afterward. We hear it all. We've got Tissue Time with Heidi Cortez. Tissue Time is for every guy who can't get to sleep. Heidi is not only hot, but she's incredibly great at phone sex. Lucky guys are going to have phone sex with her. Heidi's gonna set us all up to go to sleep. Guys, get your tissues out. And we all beat off together. Imagine, all Howard fans beating off as one! A true family...
     
  11. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    Lies about his kids:

    One just graduated from college. One is in college. And I have a twelve-year-old. They're proud of me, and they're excited where things are headed. My two oldest daughters want to do a show. They'll come on and talk about what it's like to be my daughter. They've been on intermittently over the years. When they were really young, they interviewed the Olsen twins. But as adult women they haven't been on, and they've got a lot to say. To my fans, that's an important moment. And the Howard 100 news team will cover it.
     
  12. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    Before I signed with Sirius, I told myself, Okay, if I do this, I'm going to go berserk. I've just got to be sure I'm really in the right frame of mind. You've got to have the fire.
     
  13. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    This article is really fucking enraging.
     
  14. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    not nearly as important as it would be now :haha:
     
  15. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    :nag:

    i honestly don't know how he lives with himself. I guess for him, money is everything.
     
  16. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    He's obviously very well-versed in one of the world's thinnest books: "Jewish Business Ethics".

    Other "world's thinnest books" include:

    "French War Heroes"
    "Admirable Lawyers"
    "Black Men I've Met Whilst Yachting"
     
  17. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    hey, i had a mouthful of coffee when i got to that one! :pissed:
     
  18. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    :hhh:
     
  19. TehLivingDeath

    TehLivingDeath New Member Banned User

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    Know what? I will never disappoint my fans. This will be my greatest creation. And that's just my two channels. Even if I suck, you've still got that whole other universe — which is very comforting to me, by the way. But I won't suck. Not with Crack Whore View.
     
  20. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    he probably wouldn't have sucked with Crack Whore View.