Brad Richards of the Black hawks got a Big Penis

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by martin, Jul 23, 2015.

  1. martin

    martin Shit Mult Banned User

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    [​IMG]




    215. BLIND GOSSIP 07/21
    In his new book, Sick in the Head: Conversations About Life and Comedy, Judd Apatow spoke with Amy Schumer about their experiences with the opposite sex. FYI, Apatow and Schumer also worked this particular bit into an early sequence of Schumer’s new movie, Trainwreck.

    Judd: But those experiences are funny. That’s the thing. Your worst sexual experience can be so humiliating and hilarious, both in movies and in stand-up. They’re always the best stories. A guy who has got a lot of terrible sex stories is the best dinner companion of all time.

    Amy: It’s the best. I did one last season on my show, about the biggest penis I’ve ever encountered. It was like, that year I was single and I hadn’t been single for four years. I dated a wrestler and there was so much preposterous sex stuff from that relationship, and then I happened to go out with a guy and realized that his penis was way more than I bargained for. I probably already told you who the guy was, but he was an athlete. He was this guy my sister loved, a hockey player. I don’t watch sports but we winded up going out, mostly because my sister was like, "Oh my God, you have to go out with him! I’ve had a dream about you two falling in love!" So I go out with him mostly so she would think I was cool, but he was really hot and it was fun. I was like, There’s no way he’s going to be attracted to me. He could have sex with supermodels. So at the end of the night, I said, "I’m going to get out of here because I feel like a little insane with you." And he was like, "No, I’ll go with you." We went to another bar and then back to his place and—what happened with his penis, it was just so horrible and embarrassing.

    Judd: I haven’t heard that bit.


    Amy: You’re supposed to be really excited about a big penis, but when you’re faced with one, it’s like a unicorn—in theory, you’ve always wanted to see one up close but if it were ever standing in front of you, you’d be like, Fuck that, and you would run. You’d be like, Oh, it’s actually a horse with a weapon on its head. But in the moment, I was like, No, you have to do this. Everybody talks about how great it is. And I was like, okay, and I have a bunch of jokes in there about him going down on me because he was raised well but then I just realized that the guy has to do that, I mean he’s like lighting candles. This guy needs to get the girl relaxed. And then he kind of pulled it out and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. He was almost whistling like I wasn’t going to notice. And then I tried to get myself psyched: You can do this! You played volleyball in high school!

    Judd: You have to slow your heart rate down. Like a Buddhist monk.

    Amy: And then I say, "Do you have a condom?" He says no. And I was like, Way to call my bluff.

    Judd: They don’t make condoms that big.

    Amy: So then we tried and it didn’t work at all. It was not a possibility. I would have had to alter my body.

    Judd: He must be used to this, right? He must know it’s going to happen.

    Amy: At one point, I say to him: "Are you serious?" He’s like, "No, it’s usually—" And I’m like, whatever. In my twenties, I would have given it the old college try, but I’m in my thirties now and I was just like, I have Olive Garden leftovers in the fridge, see you later. It’s not happening. I’m not going to walk around New York with a gaping vagina because I had sex with you once.


    Brad Richards (dated Olivia Munn, married Australian model Rechelle Jenkins)


    [​IMG]
     
  2. Mike in Houston

    Mike in Houston I got more balls than the daily lottery. VIP

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    Former Ranger couldn't swing that dick around winning us a Cup.
     
  3. puncher

    puncher VIP Extreme Gold

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    "Gary, get that guy on the show immediately"
     
  4. Dirty South

    Dirty South Large Member

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  5. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    @FuckOff
     
  6. Dirty South

    Dirty South Large Member

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    Ungrateful meat gazer. :facepalm:
     
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  7. martin

    martin Shit Mult Banned User

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    That line cracks me up

    :artiejj:
     
  8. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    I read that entire thing because of the title. I wonder if he's bigger than Matt Hughes aka Danny D.?:drool:
     
  9. SorryBoff

    SorryBoff Well-Known Member

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    More with your matt Hughes obsession, for fuck sakes Schmoop.
     
  10. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Respect Whitezilla, shit mult.:nono:
     
  11. BethSucks

    BethSucks Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. LaserT

    LaserT You have to have fun. Gold

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  13. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Who?
     
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  14. BethSucks

    BethSucks Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  15. LaserT

    LaserT You have to have fun. Gold

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    martin likes this.
  16. Ganggreen87

    Ganggreen87 Well-Known Member

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    This just seems bullshit to me
    I don't trust her as far as I can throw her and what guy would deny the story
     
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  17. SouthernListen

    SouthernListen I don't follow the crowd. Sorry about that. VIP

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    I'm not investing that much time reading about a penis.
     
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  18. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Dick!
     
  19. GaryPuppet

    GaryPuppet Well-Known Member

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  20. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    "I winded up going out with him."

    WINDED? :facepalm:
     
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