Breaking: Howard Stern seduced my mother

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Nemo, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. Nemo

    Nemo Beer Can Thick Gold

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    http://www.capitalgazette.com/lifes...cle_3c3ba057-8af6-5e35-aee9-d8f508102603.html

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    Posted: Sunday, July 13, 2014 12:00 am

    By ROB HIAASEN

    Just when you think you know your mother.

    In these advanced days, my mom and I have a familiar menu of topics: the grandchildren, troubling medical issues, ghostly shades of hair (mine), favorite “Seinfeld” episodes, faulty lawn sprinklers, art, writing, whether I still take cream in my coffee (I do), whether she is taking her pills (she is), the greatness of Meryl Streep and certain Florida evenings.

    During a recent visit, we fired up ye old coffee percolator circa 1965 — back when people liked their coffee burned at the stake — and sat across from each other in the kitchen to just talk. As I shoveled cream into my coffee, she dropped the bomb.

    “I like Howard Stern.”

    It was as if she said, “I like that ‘Blurred Lines’ song — especially the video.” I asked her to repeat herself.

    “I like Howard.”

    Howard Stern? My private, stop-the-car-to-listen radio pleasure for the last 20 years? The man who brings us the endlessly fascinating and cranky Eric the Actor? The man who is arguably the best celebrity interviewer — the best interviewer of anybody? The man who turned me on to satellite radio?


    “I’ve never heard his radio program,” said my mother, sounding more like herself.

    She’s never heard about the late great mess of a man, Hank the Angry Dwarf, the musical stylings and romantic habits of Beetlejuice, Jackie the Joke Man, Artie, the spaceman Riley Martin, Fred’s sound effects, Richard’s father’s phone calls from Kansas, why fans holler “Baba Booey” during golf tournaments, Robin’s unique pilgrimages and purgings, and Howard being Howard for four hours a day.

    Perhaps it’s just as well. Although my mother clearly can surprise me (years ago she suddenly announced she likes Jennifer Lopez), I’m guessing she would not be drawn to Howard’s Wack Pack.

    Her Howard is strictly TV’s Howard Stern — one of the judges on “America’s Got Talent.” I don’t watch the show because I prefer Radio Howard because radio, at its best and rarest, remains the most intimate medium. And Howard, when he’s not plugging AGT, is my own Garrison Keillor. (I’ve imagined Howard interviewing Keillor — I’m not sure it would go or end well.)

    I’m not sure how my mother found TV Howard. Then again, she does love herself some “Dancing with the Stars” and, apparently, talent shows in general. I don’t watch talent shows because I don’t need to be reminded that my talents are best left un-televised, much less judged by the nation.

    I did want to get to the bottom of her Howard attraction.

    “He’s honest and straightforward.”

    You said it, Mom.

    She likes the way he talks to the contestants, letting them know when they need improvement, consoling and encouraging them — other times being brutally honest.

    “Some of them need to hear that,” she said, defending Howard.

    Defending Howard? My mother?

    Part of me wanted to take her to my car and have her listen to Eric the Actor’s latest angry phone message, play along with Howard’s “Dumb as a Rock” game featuring dancers without stars, hear Fred drop crow sounds during the grating sounds of Mariann from Brooklyn, and generally hear words and situations that do not come up during Mass.

    Would she like and defend Howard then?

    Maybe she would.

    Because if I’ve learned anything while thinking I’ve learned a lot, it’s never underestimate your mother.
     
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  2. Beth143nacho

    Beth143nacho Bede bede beep VIP

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    Like the rest of the Howard brand... I'm not buying this fake story.
     
  3. Nemo

    Nemo Beer Can Thick Gold

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    Small children & old ladies love Howard.
    Key demo people.....not so much
    :jj:
     
  4. Mr Vengeance

    Mr Vengeance Ladies love cool V. VIP

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    I knew this was a planted fluff piece as soon as the guy said Eric the ACTOR. Buchwald &Associates has been working overtime.
     
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  5. Nemo

    Nemo Beer Can Thick Gold

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    Stern has a loyal faithful activist following in the media.
    Not a paid piece....more like a love me wigged daddy piece.
     
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  6. tv910

    tv910 Well-Known Member

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    Exactly. The description of "honest and straightforward" is also a dead giveaway that it's a planted piece. Those exact words are used in other articles that were clearly written by Buchwald and reprinted word for word on various obscure websites. Bullshit like this always starts appearing when Howard is getting ready for contract negotiations.
     
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  7. reno

    reno VIP Extreme Gold

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    Howard tries so hard to be liked by middle America. I think they take one look at him, and head for the hills.
     
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  8. Rob0729

    Rob0729 Well-Known Member

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    As if Howard's audience wasn't old enough, he is winning over the over 60 female audience. Just what advertisers are looking for.
     
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  9. Anyonenow

    Anyonenow Well-Known Member

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  10. ohmicah

    ohmicah Real Gad About Town Banned User

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    My mother liked Howard Stern after she saw him on Phil Donahue's show.

    That lasted until she read the first few pages of Private Parts...
     
  11. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

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    Come here tatala. Kiss me on the mouth let's have some rugelach then clean eachothers dentures.
     
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  12. Rescued Owl

    Rescued Owl Well-Known Member

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    My mother started listening to Howard Stern too.
    Now she shits in a Squat A Potty and has an account on Ashley Madison.
    :bigcry:
     
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  13. Mr Vengeance

    Mr Vengeance Ladies love cool V. VIP

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    When Ryan Seacrest's career blew up and he was everywhere, Howie complained that Seacrest appealed to old ladies and kids, and that otherwise he had no appeal.

    Meanwhile in 2014..........
     
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  14. Tinman

    Tinman Well-Known Member

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    I asked my mother what she thinks of Howard Stern, she's still convinced he's the one that killed Anna Nicole Smith.:roll:
     
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  15. tHISisKiSSeL

    tHISisKiSSeL ♡❂❁❀♡ Gold

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    This could be a picture of Howard if there was a scarf instead of the pearls.

    [​IMG]
     
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  16. PelicanWig

    PelicanWig Beautiful Soup

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    One of you guys should Photoshop "that face" on that pic of grandma.
     
  17. isabella

    isabella VIP Extreme Gold

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    i find that hard to believe, if only because he's so bizarre looking.
     
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  18. OV

    OV Rapscallion

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  19. Snotty

    Snotty My Snothand be strong!!! VIP

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    What do dogturds and old women have in common? The older they get, The easier they are to pick up.............................:D

    But seriously.....If there is no buzz........Create one.......
     
  20. Burly

    Burly Well-Known Member Banned User

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    I remember in the 90s I was watching TV with my mom and she happened to turn on the E show. Howard was wearing a t-shirt and was standing up and was really skinny. They were shooting him from his "bad side" I think...he looked particularly repulsive. I remember clearly the look on my mom's face, like she'd smelled shit. "He is so UGLY!"
     
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