Breaking News***Nurse To Grab Lunch Right After He Finishes Draining Bile From Man’s Liver

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Stew Nod, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. Stew Nod

    Stew Nod Hello VIP

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    NEWS IN BRIEF
    August 1, 2014

    Nurse To Grab Lunch Right After He Finishes Draining Bile From Man’s Liver



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    CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—Saying that he could go for Thai or maybe Mexican, nurse Rat Kid Sullivan reportedly told colleagues at Martha Jefferson Hospital today that he plans to grab lunch as soon as he finishes draining all the bile from an elderly patient’s infected liver. “Pad thai wouldn’t be bad, but I just had that a couple days ago, so maybe Chipotle?” the 42-year-old nurse said to his coworkers as he removed a catheter bag filled with green-brown liquid from his patient and then turned him on his side to sop up the discharge from a bedsore on his tailbone. “One of those carne asada burritos actually sounds pretty good right about now. Definitely with guac and sour cream. Man, I’m starving.” Adding that he didn’t have much time before he needed to suction out a few patients’ tracheostomy openings, Merritt then reportedly told colleagues that he might just have some chow mein delivered.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2015
  2. Shedding Skin

    Shedding Skin Damp Banned User

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    Now this is what I call edgy
     
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  3. ice cream

    ice cream Well-Known Member

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    you think he washed his hands first?
     
  4. Stew Nod

    Stew Nod Hello VIP

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    Wise Council Of Elders Accuses Day Nurse Of Stealing Change

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    GLENS FALLS, NY—An esteemed high council of elders gathered in the hushed chambers of the Hillside Assisted Living Center this week to determine the fate of Rat Kid Sullivan, a 43-year-old day nurse suspected of stealing loose change from atop various dressers and nightstands.

    The venerable tribunal, which convenes every day for Social Time, was reportedly alerted to the grave transgression at 11:30 a.m. Following a luncheon feast of turkey meatloaf and steamed mixed vegetables, the Nine Great Sages delivered their unanimous ruling.

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    The accused, Rat Kid Sullivan.


    "He took it," intoned learned elder and high council leader Bernard Goldman, speaking from his cushioned seat in the Hillside activities lounge. "He came into my room when I was getting my bath and she took my change. And then he turned down the thermostat when I wasn't looking."

    Added the wise man, "It's cold in my room now."

    Trusted consul and word-search enthusiast Ruth Wurster immediately concurred.

    "Oh, that awful man—-he doesn't fool me, not for a second," Wurster declared. "There were two quarters in my purse before and now they're gone. I want them back. I want my quarters back!"

    The assembled elders then murmured their agreement in sage, muted tones.

    The council, whose judicious members have a combined 754 years of worldly knowledge and experience, have delivered a number of solemn proclamations in recent months, including soundly reasoned decrees on issues such as pillow placement, what day today is, and why everyone on the television is so rude all the time.

    Sources said the august body, whose members defer only to the rules of the Hillside events calendar and their visiting grandchildren, have been troubled greatly by the developing day nurse situation, often pondering the matter until well into the 6 p.m. movie.

    "No, no, not the Oriental nurse, the colored one," elder Tom Stansell said before shutting his eyes and somberly bowing his head in silence for the next 35 minutes. "Always telling me what to do. I have rights, you know."

    In addition to the coin thefts, Hillside day nurse Wanda Drexler also faces judgment from the council on a wide-ranging list of grievous offenses, from trying to turn their families against them, to not speaking up.

    "I asked her for more tapioca pudding after dinner and she said no," professed elder Mary Lou Stevenson in a stern address to her fellow council members. "I'm a grown woman, for Pete's sake, I can have tapioca pudding whenever I damn well please."

    "And I don't want my slippers by the door—if she puts them by the door then I can't reach them from my bed and my feet get cold," Stevenson continued. "She's a very clumsy woman. I don't like her at all."

    Having carefully reached its verdict after much thoughtful deliberation, the council of elders determined that severe reprisals would almost certainly be in order, and that the day nurse would need to be held accountable for her unconscionable actions.

    However, when confronted by revered elder Donald Roeder with the serious charges brought against her, the accused offered little in the way of contrition.

    "Now, now, Mr. Roeder," Drexler said as she placed an electric blanket over the venerable sage's arms and chest. "That's enough for tonight."
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2015
    wife is a whore and doughhead63 like this.
  5. crazypreacher

    crazypreacher Hey yo

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    Stew Nod scorched earth policy.
     
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  6. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

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    Hello pals
     
  7. Stew Nod

    Stew Nod Hello VIP

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    Sup, Dougie! :jj:
     
  8. FatKidSullivan

    FatKidSullivan Smoking Cigars

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  9. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

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    Posting, drinking etc...you?
     
  10. Stew Nod

    Stew Nod Hello VIP

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    I was drinking earlier today...sobered up...I may start again! :cheer:
     
  11. TonyJax

    TonyJax White Privilege Denied. VIP

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    Never as edgy as when the techs are eating near the corpse at the morgue.
    If there is a morgue scene in a movie or TV show some asshole will be eating a sandwich near the body...
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  12. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

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    You go boy!

    I am on my fourth Great Lakes Oktoberfest.

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  13. Stew Nod

    Stew Nod Hello VIP

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  14. Gator

    Gator What?

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    How is August 1, 2014, breaking?????
     
  15. Stew Nod

    Stew Nod Hello VIP

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    Calm down gator
     
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  16. Gator

    Gator What?

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    Settle down Georgie
     
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  17. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Notable Member VIP

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    Portly child is taking a beating up in here.