Bung Hole Coincidence

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Dorb, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. Dorb

    Dorb Lovable Old Pig VIP Gold

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    Howrd talkin about rectal exam.
    I had one done yesterday.
    Laying on your side bare assed with your knees pulled up on the table.
    First you get the jelly then in goes the rubber gloved finger.
    Next you get the scope. This is bigger that the finger. OUCH!
    Them finally the tissues to wipe the jelly off your ass.
    Anyone have this done recently?

    P.S. Did the enemma thing and a thorough shower to spare the doctor before going in.
     
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  2. Slow

    Slow My name is my name DawgShed News

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  3. Dorb

    Dorb Lovable Old Pig VIP Gold

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    What? Only one reply? Did this thread frighten you clowns? Well it should because 99% of you bozos are eventually going have this done. Unless you die first that is.:moon::omg:
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2015
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  4. ApeFace

    ApeFace Well-Known Member

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    A friend of mine had this done when he was 25. He described it like a rape. I asked him why he had it done so young, did his family have a history or anything? He said no, the doctor just told him he needed it done. I thought it was odd that he didn't question it. I think the doctor just wanted to fist him.
     
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  5. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    1st!
     
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  6. lilbuddy67

    lilbuddy67 A man with breath-taking anger management issues Banned User

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    Earlier this year I had the "honor" of having to shit in front of nurses and then having them wipe my ass. Hot nurses in their 20's. When I voiced my discomfort of doing this in front of them and the embarrassment of it all, they replied "Oh don't worry, we do this all the time". The embarrassment I spoke of was MINE, not theirs.
    There's no coming back from that. I am an old, repulsive man.
     
  7. Rockside7

    Rockside7 VIP Extreme Gold

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    The first time I had my prostate checked my Dr. was a young, petite Indian woman and I have to say, it was not unpleasant.

    My current Dr. is a sausage fingered brute and he bends me over the exam table and roughly assaults my prostate like a speed bag.

    Again, not unpleasant.
     
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  8. quitefrankly

    quitefrankly Well-Known Member

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    that's called a Tuesday night at wiggys house
     
  9. McLennison

    McLennison VIP Extreme Gold

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    I had a sigmoidescope procedure when I was in my thirties. You stand next a table and bend over so you're upper body is lying on the table. It then lifts off the ground and turns so your ass is protruding out. Just then the nurse walks in. "Oh, hi "John" do you remember me?" I'm laying there with my ahole fully exposed and dying thinking "My God, who the fuck is this?" Turns out we used to play together as children. Her grandmother was neighbors with my grandmother. I'm doing full Kramden "Homina homina" and she says "Don't be embarrassed this is just my job." After the procedure she's pops in the recovery area and makes small talk. It was horrible.
     
  10. HowieStearn

    HowieStearn HateClub

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    I don't have much vanity left
     
  11. Getthepoisonout

    Getthepoisonout I regret my username

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    Had this done several times. Not fun at all, especially when they blow air in to expand the rectum in order to see better. My current dr doesn't believe in it and only does colonoscopy's where I am totally under the pleasant influence of Demerol.
     
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  12. Jewlican

    Jewlican Well-Known Member VIP

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    I'd like to do this enemma thing
    [​IMG]
     
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  13. peterfonda

    peterfonda Well-Known Member

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    P
    I HATE that exam. My asshole feels squishy all day.
     
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  14. johnfreeman1

    johnfreeman1 Well-Known Member

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    I had a nurse look at my penis, was alright
     
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  15. Dorb

    Dorb Lovable Old Pig VIP Gold

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    Mine is still sore :(
     
  16. Bristol Chicken

    Bristol Chicken Free Range and Loving It Gold

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    Two weeks ago I had my first colonoscopy. After fasting for 2 days for the procedure I was ready for a steak. Bear with me as it's kind of a long story.

    The Steakhouse Incident
    Now, I know that there is a lot of embellishment that occurs on this website and I am aware that a small number of things are perhaps sheer fabrication, but I have a story to tell that is the absolute truth. Funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me.
    A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.
    We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you -- in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, however.
    I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas which could have been passed in batches right at the table without to much concern. Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress...
    I got up from the table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good shit, but in this case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire cutters is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a shit. I went to the normal stall.
    In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was reaching Biblical proportions.
    I began "The Move."
    For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that ones ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.
    I was about half-way into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little bastards attending kids night; it was mounded up in the corner so I did not notice it when I had first walked into the stall. Normally, I would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef started coming up for a rematch. What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events are a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them as best I can.
    In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I was half crotched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming up my esophagus. Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over shit no matter what is about to come slamming out of your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since shitting will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus diverted.
    At that very split second, my ass exploded in what can only be described as a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000 Killed In Wake of Typhoon Fifi" or something similar. In what seemed to be most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of shit the consistency of thick mud with embedded pockets of greasy liquid came flying out of my ass. But remember, I was only half-way down on the toilet at that moment. The shit wave was of such force and of just such an angle in relation to the back curve of the toilet seat that it ricocheted off the back of the seat and slammed into the wall at an angle of incidence equal to the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down.
    Recall that when that event occurred, I was already half-way to sitting anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be. Needless to say, the shit wave, though of considerable force, was not so sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself on the walls, like what you would see when hitting a puddle with a high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a significant amount of shit remaining on about one-third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon.
    Now, back to the vomit...
    While all the shitting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though. Therefore, bending over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly-opened legs, positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants with elastic on the ankles.
    In one mighty push, some three pounds of macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the bottom down by my feet.
    In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of turds, and the event ended, yet I was now sitting there with my pants full of vomit, my back covered in shit that had bounced off the toilet, spattered on three ceramic-tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had enough force to come back at me, covering the back of my shirt with droplets of liquid shit. All while thick shit was spread all over my ass in a ring curiously in the shape of a toilet seat.
    And there was no fucking toilet paper.
     
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  17. JesusTwinsBiggestFan

    JesusTwinsBiggestFan Well-Known Member

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    I sedate patients daily for colonoscopies. Fun times.
     
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  18. ZevonFan

    ZevonFan VIP Extreme Gold

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    Do you have a Fart Room for post procedure. That makes me laugh so hard. Nurse walked up and down the room telling us all that nobody was leaving until gas started passing. She was a terror but what the hell, I did my thing and left. Hopefully, you work in a classier joint.
     
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  19. Skipnoid

    Skipnoid Lick Me!

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    So if they stick a scope in there, what's the finger for? Foreplay? :dontknow:
    You know what ... never mind. I don't wan't to know. Glad you had a good time though.
     
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  20. Skipnoid

    Skipnoid Lick Me!

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    That sucks, but you're still my lilbuddy. Did you get wood when they wiped you? Did they unbutton the top few of their tighty whitey hot nursey uniforms? Did you spray shit on their hot little stethoscopes?
     
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