Can I become a lawyer today?

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by eliasbboy, Jul 1, 2014.

  1. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    I don't have to be good, or even competent. I just want something on paper that says I'm an attorney.

    I've already become an ordained minister online and secured my position on the first Intergalactic Council on advance of our relocation to moon colonies, so I know magical things can be accomplished thru the Internet.

    I'm in the middle of a legal scam with the city of Chicago and nothing would make me happier than being able to shove a "I Do Hereby Proclaim My Attorneyness" in this fucker's face.
     
  2. LonghornJ

    LonghornJ VIP Extreme Gold

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    Just put "Esq." after your name... nobody ever verifies that shit.
     
  3. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    I would do that in a second but I already told this prick I was NOT an attorney before the scam was revealed.
     
  4. gilaet

    gilaet Xanax Service Dog Staff Member

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    You going to prison?
     
  5. nserafini

    nserafini Well-Known Member

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    You have to pass the BAR in your state....
     
  6. Lemmy

    Lemmy Douchebag Extraordinaire Gold

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    Just ask Mlaw how you fake being an attorney. :c
     
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  7. VarmintSam

    VarmintSam Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    Illinois is lovely this time of the year
     
  8. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    Nah. I'd gladly do time if I could punch thus fucker in the face tho.

    There is a 15 foot section of CITY property (like a parkway) adjacent to our business property.

    Some of the local natives will dump trash/furniture/appliances there occasionally.

    We always call streets and Sanitation and they come out and remove it.

    We've been given tickets in the past, and I have to go to the court, explain how it is city property, wait around until they verify, and then the tickets are tossed.

    I go today for a ticket we received. My court time was 10am and I was there by 9:30.

    They send me back and forth to FIVE different clerks before this asshat asked if I was an attorney.

    I said no, I'm here for the company I own.

    He tells me they passed a law in March that states corporations cannot have any representation besides an attorney.

    I explained the ticketed property is not mine. He said I understand, but you need to explain that to the judge. Fine, I said. That's why I'm hear.

    He refused to let me in the courtroom because I'm not allowed without an attorney.

    Here's the best part.

    I can "pre-pay" the fine today only, for half price ($300), or pay $600 if I call for a continuance and then bring an attorney to try and get my money back.

    Cock sucking fucks.
     
  9. Gomez

    Gomez Well-Known Member

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    sounds easy but it's not :nono:
     
  10. gilaet

    gilaet Xanax Service Dog Staff Member

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    What a clusterfuck.
     
  11. XuXu

    XuXu VIP Extreme Gold

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    Just go back later with a briefcase when someone else is at the counter.
     
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  12. XuXu

    XuXu VIP Extreme Gold

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    Breeze your way in. Don't make it so complicated.
     
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  13. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    I'm going to go back as my evil twin (complete with painted on black goatee) the Attorney at Law.

    download.jpg
     
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  14. Chief2Kick

    Chief2Kick I'm all sixes & sevens & nines Staff Member

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    I think I would need a bail bondsman before I needed a lawyer.
     
  15. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    says:fail:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:jj:
     
  16. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Yeah, you're a real bad ass.
     
  17. nserafini

    nserafini Well-Known Member

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    First, I'd assume even as a small business you have some legal rep you deal with on contracts for the business. I'd call and ask them if that's valid.

    My understanding is a small business representative can act pro se depending on some monetary/criminal factors, especially in the case of a fine or ticket ( which doesn't require a law degree; people can self represent for most tickets )....

    Regardless, you know city hall will probably win
     
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  18. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    I'm sure you're right. It's just so aggravating to pay knowing I could win contesting it, but spend more than the fine in the process.

    Something I'm SURE they are well aware of. :mad:
     
  19. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    I was going for more of a mini-bar type situation. :jj:
     
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  20. Shivvy

    Shivvy 100k Post Club

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    id love to become a lawyer. id be so good at that shit