Chinese Lumberjack Had Sex With An Alien Woman That Had Braided Bush......

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by teehee, Apr 8, 2015.

  1. teehee

    teehee Friend Of The Friendless VIP

    Reputations:
    179,220
    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,361
    Likes Received:
    19,221
    Meet the Chinese Lumberjack Who Slept With an Alien
    Posted: 04/06/2015 8:09 pm EDT Updated: 04/06/2015 8:59 pm EDT
    [​IMG]
    "If you can't find me," Meng Zhaoguo said over a cell phone whose signal faded from its isolation, "Just head to the last house on the logging commune lane. Or ask anyone who's around." Everyone knows the first Chinese person to allegedly be abducted by aliens.

    With its surging economy, China is summiting once-unseen heights in world rankings: millions of English speakers, almost the most millionaires and actually theleast frugal tourists. Yet despite being slightly larger in area than the United Stateswith four times as many people, China trails far behind when it comes to visitors from outer space. To date, only one Chinese person -- lumberjack Meng Zhaoguo -- claims to have slept with one.

    [​IMG]

    Meng Zhaoguo, a rural worker from northeast China's Wuchang city, taking a lie detector test in Beijing.

    I first visited Meng at his home on the Red Flag Logging Commune, set among the remains of a forest in China's far northeast, an area historically known as Manchuria. Chinese characterize Northeasterners as big-hearted, industrious and sometimes a bit touched in the head. So it was not a shock when the nation's first person claiming interstellar relations came from here. In 2003, I traveled over a winding, ice-covered, one-lane road through the forest to meet him.

    On the commune, Meng lived in a two-room timber frame house he had built with his own hands. Bare yellow light bulbs dropped from the ceiling, and there was no phone -- or cell reception. But a big-screen Sony television filled one end of the room.

    "Out here, it only picks up two channels," he said. "So it's a waste of money, but I didn't buy it. A businessman brought it, after he heard about my story." Another visitor, from Malaysia, had brought him a cow. "I sold that," Meng told me. "Cows cost money to take care of. What am I going to do with a cow out here?"

    We stepped outside, boots crunching snow, and faced the Dragon Mountains, veiled in purple mist as the day's light faded. Meng said that on a night much like this in 1994, he saw a metallic glint shimmer off those peaks.

    "I thought a helicopter had crashed, so I set out to scavenge for scrap." He made it to the lip of a valley, spying the wreckage in the distance, when "Foom! Something hit me square in the forehead and knocked me out."

    He awoke at home, he told me, with no memory of how he got there. A few nights later he woke to find himself floating above his bed. As his wife slumbered beneath him, a 10-foot-tall, 6-fingered alien woman with thighs coated in braided hair straddled his waist. Meng and the alien copulated for 40 minutes.

    "She then disappeared through the wall and I floated back down to bed. She left me with this." He undid his trousers to reveal a two-inch-long jagged mark that he insisted bore only a coincidental resemblance to a scar resulting from a slipped stroke of a saw.

    I asked him to draw the creature, and he took my pen and tore off a sheet from a roll of rough, unbleached paper. To my surprise, I recognized the alien. As he made tiny x's on the alien's inner thighs, I realized Meng was sketching a hairy cousin of the Michelin Man. His smiling, puffy white face waved from atop an auto repair shop at the base of Red Flag Logging Commune. I thought of that, and the empty crates of Five Star beer stacked just outside Meng's front door, and the remote loneliness of a Northeast winter.

    But Meng told the story calmly, not in a desperate or pleading tone, cajoling the listener to believe. I kept my deductions internal, and he suggested we go outside with his kids and light the fireworks I had brought for them. That night I slept fitfully on Meng's bed, while he took the couch.

    [​IMG]:eek:

    Two Michelin men (Bibendums) are displayed ahead of the general shareholders' meeting at the headquarters of the French tyre-making group Michelin in Clermont-Ferrand, central France on May 16, 2014. (THIERRY ZOCCOLAN/AFP/Getty Images)

    "'In 60 years, on a distant planet, the son of a Chinese peasant will be born.'"

    In China, the government monitors faith in anything but the Communist Party, but anexpression of belief in extraterrestrials is permitted, as it falls under the purview of astronomy, and the "scientific socialism" the party supports. A UFOlogy journal has a circulation of 400,000, and the UFO associations across China boast a collective 50,000 members. China UFO Research Center has held annual conferences before splintering -- as organized groups of believers tend to do -- into rival factions. The president of the Beijing branch is a retired foreign ministry official who, after seeing a UFO, believes aliens live among us.

    After Meng's story circulated among enthusiasts, the media came calling, leading to his appearance in national newspapers and on television. He was even the subject of adebated Wikipedia page, which listed different versions of his story, including being taken to the aliens' home planet of Jupiter, and "ongoing harassment" from the extraterrestrials.

    "Journalists look for discrepancies in my story," he told me the next morning at his house. "I get tired of telling it. In the end, I'm just a peasant."

    Meng added that a month after the alien had visited him, he again awoke to find his body passing through the world map hanging over his bed. He levitated through the stratosphere and into a spaceship, where aliens circled him.

    "They said in Chinese, but with a heavy accent so it was hard for me to understand at first, that they were refugees. Like me, they wanted to escape their former lives, so they left their dying home."
     
  2. XXXXX

    XXXXX Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    63,927
    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2014
    Messages:
    3,860
    Likes Received:
    11,316
    The honorable Mr. Zhaoguo may want to cut back a little on the homemade hooch he was drinking, before the alien had it's way with him... Or maybe not if he's not too lucky with the ladies...
     
    teehee likes this.
  3. teehee

    teehee Friend Of The Friendless VIP

    Reputations:
    179,220
    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,361
    Likes Received:
    19,221
    She looks a little plump from his description...:giggle:
     
    OV likes this.
  4. OV

    OV Rapscallion

    Reputations:
    299,667
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    12,796
    Likes Received:
    35,727
    A Michelin Manatee
     
    teehee likes this.
  5. balloon knot

    balloon knot Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    39,663
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2012
    Messages:
    4,001
    Likes Received:
    6,754
    that's frucked up
     
  6. Joe Bauers

    Joe Bauers Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    499,532
    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2012
    Messages:
    31,507
    Likes Received:
    48,024
    That's an awful lot to read, :fil:
     
    Mulletude likes this.
  7. Limo Wreck

    Limo Wreck Aboard the great mothership Staff Member

    Reputations:
    103,373
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2011
    Messages:
    8,828
    Likes Received:
    19,138
  8. Joe Bauers

    Joe Bauers Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    499,532
    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2012
    Messages:
    31,507
    Likes Received:
    48,024
    [​IMG]
     
  9. Dorb

    Dorb Lovable Old Pig VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    127,719
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2012
    Messages:
    17,720
    Likes Received:
    18,745
    I'm callin in and telling Riley!
     
    reno and Joe Bauers like this.
  10. Getthepoisonout

    Getthepoisonout I regret my username

    Reputations:
    52,424
    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2012
    Messages:
    2,773
    Likes Received:
    6,080
    There is a lot of ignorance about sex in China, you hear stories of couples who can't have kids and the doctor eventually finds out they just lay on the bed next to each other and expected to get pregnant. I am guessing some overweight Chinese chick just slept with this guy and he had no other way to explain it. Case closed!
     
    smichal likes this.
  11. Weed

    Weed Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    24,707
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2010
    Messages:
    2,213
    Likes Received:
    4,828
    I read that whole thing and not a single mention of a frying saucer.
     
    reno, 17 Squabble Ln and Limo Wreck like this.
  12. smichal

    smichal A1 Dick Game

    Reputations:
    131,768
    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2012
    Messages:
    13,495
    Likes Received:
    21,814
    :grad: would not bang
     
    Jayla and Limo Wreck like this.
  13. HowieStearn

    HowieStearn HateClub

    Reputations:
    80,296
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2011
    Messages:
    14,504
    Likes Received:
    14,285
    aliens are into anal :humpin:
     
  14. Mulletude

    Mulletude I'm Big In The Hate Club, Ya Know VIP

    Reputations:
    183,851
    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2012
    Messages:
    5,952
    Likes Received:
    14,560
    He's a rumberjack and he's ok.
     
  15. peterfonda

    peterfonda Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    9,996
    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,697
    Likes Received:
    5,417
    Squidward - you like Krabby Patties!
     
    Joe Bauers likes this.
  16. Jayla

    Jayla Ou ai-je l'esprit? Gold

    Reputations:
    818,301
    Joined:
    May 12, 2013
    Messages:
    31,379
    Likes Received:
    65,545
    Cute.
     
  17. Jayla

    Jayla Ou ai-je l'esprit? Gold

    Reputations:
    818,301
    Joined:
    May 12, 2013
    Messages:
    31,379
    Likes Received:
    65,545
    The Chinese gentleman or the alien? Either way, I'm with you.
     
    smichal likes this.
  18. The Booey

    The Booey Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    113,355
    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2012
    Messages:
    11,272
    Likes Received:
    21,350
     
    reno likes this.
  19. SorryBoff

    SorryBoff Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    84,324
    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2012
    Messages:
    9,999
    Likes Received:
    13,883


    When he pulled down his pants he revealed something else that was 2 inches long as well.