Welcome to another exciting edition of DawgShed News. I am your favorite shit stirring mongoloid, @Slow and these are your trending stories..... dawgshed Seeks Gag Order on the News Team! You asked for more gunk news, you got it. Last edition we broke the story that Somer was dropping two longtime staples of the show, @teehee and @EmperorsNewCaps . Well, apparently going after the queen bee of the shed doesn't come without a price. (Anyone remember Howard's gag order on O&A?) Threats of legal action, floods of reports to the mods, blockings of the news team, bribes to find other stories (laptop works fine, thanks)..... In the tradition of true investigative journalism, we pushed on for you, the readers. When the news team kept digging, @SomerSky called on her most noble of white knights, @xavier . Xavier proceeded to bombard poor defenseless Teehee with a barage of PM's, laying down his sword in the name of Somer's honor. Sir cucks-alot vows to not rest until all of Somer's foes are brought to justice. The news team obtained exclusive footage of this noble e knight's attacks on poor Teehee.. ... In case you missed their most recent gunk thread, @ARM depicted a scene of revenge sodomy directed at emperorsnewcaps that would make deliverance and oz look fit for the disney channel. If you have the time it is quite a read! We look forward to seeing the drama continue to unfold from their next podcast. Larry Inc Claims a Victim and Puts the Board on Notice! Meet @bloodynine . A fledgling muslim jihadist gimmick struggling to make a name for himself, lurking in the shadows of c list poster obscurity for 2 years. He recently became so desperate for an opportunity at poster stardom that he set his sights on the shed's most infamous heel, @LawyerLarry in a suicide bombing attempt to win some fanfare. Needless to say, things did not go quite how he expected.... Larry inc shocked the world this week with the signing of a new member, @Biff DiBiase . We reached out to biff for an official statement and he had the following to say..... "Listen up, Slow, your request for 3 sentences is insulting to say the least. Larry, Inc. says what we want, when we want, to whomever we want and in as many sentences as we deem necessary! As far as Bloody Nine goes, we don't normally comment on Neg Parties to the press. I will say that he was a formidable opponent, and that I even positively repped him once because he is a Bobby Heenan fan. Other than that, -60k reps in a half hour is what ultimately happened. Unfortunate, but he crossed the Boss. As far as my 'heel turn' goes, I have always been a silent partner in the organization. Adding the badge makes my Dawg Shed experience complete. Also, lest anyone forget, it was Larry, Inc. who gifted over 30 Gold subs during Larrymas. We aren't bad people, we just react to those who start with us. Any other questions should be deferred to either @ljc or @ShutUpSitDown; I have drinking to do." Have Something Terrible Happen in Your Life like Losing a Dog? Looking for Sympathy? You've Come to the Right Place! In case you missed this gem of a thread, newbie poster and lifelong jabroni @minorsalazar got wasted on new years eve and passed out with the door to his house wide open. The problem with this is he lives right off of the interstate and his poor doggie ran away. What would any responsible pet owner do in this situation? Go look for the dog? Of course not. He comes to a message board full of people renowned for dickheadery that live nowhere near him and he looks for some sympathy. Here is a peek at the outpouring of well wishes and support he received.... The news team would like to present @Lemmy with the shed medal of honor for bringing this careless cock mouth to justice. Well done Lemmy. http://www.dawgshed.com/threads/my-dog-took-off-last-night.172170/ Queerdee is Unhappy With The Meanies of The Shed. It's a new year and according to @Quedee the shed should be taking a new approach to posting. He took a break from blowing his boyfriend to emerge from his safe space just long enough to give the board a piece of his fragile mind for the insensitive and callous posting style that has made the shed famous. We reached out to him to specifically name his "pathetic poster" list but his only comment was that he was "sick and tired of the rampant misogyny and homophobia around this place and that he vows to make the shed a fag friendlier place for 2016." http://www.dawgshed.com/threads/pathetic-posters.172081/ That's it for this edition of the news. Happy new year from all of the news staff. @mr.dracula, @Scotty4x4 , and myself all encourage you to have a wild and drama fueled year filled with news worthy material.