Do you know any fucking retards who fall for the satirical articles on the web?

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by NipplesAndToes23, Sep 9, 2014.

  1. NipplesAndToes23

    NipplesAndToes23 Assistant to the Vice POTY VIP

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    :facepalm:

    My nephew is all up in arms about not being to afford his beloved Big Mac.

    http://universalfreepress.com/mcdonalds-drops-15-00-living-wage-bomb/


    McDonald’s Drops $15.00 “Living” Wage Bomb

    Rlgrimes09/08/2014Economic, Entertainment, News, Opinion
    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    In a surprise move CEO Donald Thompson of McDonald’s Restaurants announced they had reached an agreement with the SEIU and would start paying its workers a “Living Wage” of $15.00 per hour the first of October. Mr. Thompson issued a press release stating, “As a company we realize we have been negligent in paying our employees a real living wage for the last 60 years, so in the spirit of social well-being, we have decided to comply with the wishes of the White House and the SEIU.”

    The Service Employees International Union spokesman, Seymour Pecunia, said that he “was very happy that McDonald’s had agreed to their demands.” He was also hopeful that McDonald’s decision would lead to similar agreements with Burger King, Wendy’s, Hardee’s and Taco Bell. As the largest retail seller of fast food, the agreement will set a high bar for other fast-food chains to meet.

    It is estimated the move will cost the company over 100 million dollars the first year. Much of the cost will be made up in higher food prices according to management sources. “We have been working on new price guidelines for several months and think we have come up with a workable menu pricing guideline for our franchisees.

    This reporter asked if he could elaborate on the new pricing schedule and he gave us the following examples:

    Big Mac $11.00

    Quarter Pounder 12.50

    McFish 8.00

    McDouble 7.00

    Large Fries 5.00

    Apple Pie 5.00

    Large Coke 5.00



    We think these prices will enable us to maintain the same high quality of products while at the same time paying the higher wages. Of course we will be reviewing our profit margins and if we are falling short of our goals, we will increase the prices as necessary. In the interest of family dinning we will still have our very popular Dollar Menu items, but now they will be on the $5.00 Menu.

    When asked for a statement on this major development, the other major chains declined comment, except for Wendy’s, who’s spokesperson, Wendy Thomas, read from a prepared statement saying in part, “After all these years of friendly competition, it will be difficult to see Ronald McDonald in the unemployment line.”



    This article is written as Satire, however, more often than not, Satire often predicts the future of major social changes.
     
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  2. Lou Loomis

    Lou Loomis Feel the Gern

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    the same people who still post that "Miss Me Yet?" GWBush pic
     
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  3. Mlaw

    Mlaw Quite Contrarian VIP Gold

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    phanee pack bought the ice bucket challenge death email
     
  4. Mlaw

    Mlaw Quite Contrarian VIP Gold

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    ...I send people links to Snopes at least once a week when they send me shit
     
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  5. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP Gold

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    My foster sister is maybe the dumbest fuck on the planet, she falls for everything
     
  6. gilaet

    gilaet mind wandering... Staff Member

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    Oderus thought Lever was dead.
     
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  7. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP Gold

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    :jj:

    "Guys. Guys this looks serious. Guys. You guys. I'm not kidding. Guys."
     
  8. fletchman71

    fletchman71 Well-Known Member

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    There is a dirty joke somewhere here but I respect you too much to take the time to think of one.
     
  9. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP Gold

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    She's my foster sister, I don't care :jj:
     
  10. Lou Loomis

    Lou Loomis Feel the Gern

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    :spit:
     
  11. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. FatKidSullivan

    FatKidSullivan Smoking Cigars Gold

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    :jj:

    "Dawg, gilaet, delete this thread please."
     
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  13. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP Gold

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    Oderus would be here defending himself but he's going to see a guy from Craigslist about a bridge
     
  14. Mlaw

    Mlaw Quite Contrarian VIP Gold

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    omg--I loved The League last week--Street Golf--- :rofl:
     
  15. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP Gold

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    Oderus likes this.
  16. Oderus

    Oderus Going to hell VIP

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    It's official. he died this morning after being laid off. I suggest you all shut up. :ixnay:
     
  17. fletchman71

    fletchman71 Well-Known Member

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    Ray Rice's attorney is named Michael Diamondstein. :jj:
     
  18. gilaet

    gilaet mind wandering... Staff Member

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    Let me check Buggle.
     
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  19. Gwarn1

    Gwarn1 Single VIP

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    On another site just today I said burger king fucked me over by only giving me one pickle on my burger, then I said thanks Obama! Somebody told me to fuck off! I had to explain the thanks Obama Internet joke.he really thought I was blaming Obama for getting one pickle on my burger, Obama supporters are special people
     
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  20. Oderus

    Oderus Going to hell VIP

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    He just got a daily spin reward. It's all good. WHEW!