WTF embarrassing story that happened about noine years ago

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Mr Cachexic, Feb 4, 2016.

  1. Mr Cachexic

    Mr Cachexic Well-Known Member Banned User

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    it was actually about eleven years ago but it definitely happened on the nointh day of september which was the nointh month


    Ok so i was 13ish and home from school "sick" and was at my grandparents house, g-pops is going to town and will be gone for an hour riiight? well i decided to watch some porn of full volume for the first time and i also made the graduation of masturbation from hand to lubed up rubber glove between two mattresses. my friend also said if you yell it makes it feel better when you cum, so i was gonna give that a shot too

    being inexperienced, i waste way too much time preparing the main event while lubing up the glove and working up a good hearty pork sword to penetrate that tight mattress ass

    finally the love making between sad boy and defiled mattress begins, the porn meanwhile is still in the middle of two courtly gentleman running train on a young russian lady and it was very articulate.

    finally mini-me climaxes and i just went for it on the porn star yell where like a gallon of cum drenches the entire room...it was great

    then i click to pause video and lay down to catch my breath and all of a sudden i heard my grandfather close the wood stove downstairs....the floors are thin in the old house....he might as well have been in the room.

    for some reason my only instinct was to run to the toilet and make myself vomit but exaggerate how loud and awful it seemed

    still not sure if i played that situation right....solid day though

    and its thirty noine degrees
     
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  2. Gigashadow

    Gigashadow Well-Known Member Banned User

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    So you fucked a mattress? Did I read that correctly?
     
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  3. Mr Cachexic

    Mr Cachexic Well-Known Member Banned User

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    technically no
     
  4. Javaforgotme

    Javaforgotme Well-Known Member Banned User

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    Grandpa was probably proud to know you weren't a feag
     
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  5. Mr Cachexic

    Mr Cachexic Well-Known Member Banned User

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    im not entirely sure grandpa understands what that whole thing even means....
     
  6. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    didn't read....:dance:
     
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  7. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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  8. Javaforgotme

    Javaforgotme Well-Known Member Banned User

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    He was young once...he probably would have told you, "When I was young we didn't have rubber gloves to fuck. We had to use the intestine casing from pork sausages to jerk off in!"

    Or some nostolgic crap like that.
     
  9. Wesmantooth

    Wesmantooth VIP Extreme Gold

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  10. sfgirl

    sfgirl Well-Known Member VIP

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    this looks to be a non issue. but I have one questions; grandpa - dead or alive?
     
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  11. MorningSong13

    MorningSong13 Well-Known Member

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    He did say the porn was of two guys running a train. For all we know, Grandpa may have only heard his grandson pumping off to the sounds of Guy 1 and Guy 2.
     
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  12. goldtopper

    goldtopper Well Known Heterosexual Gold

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    Good God that's a funny story, well done sir. And I thought I had some crazy stuff in my life.
    :golfclap:


    I must say, I've been around a while and never heard of the old rubber glove in the mattress trick.
     
  13. R.P. McMurphy

    R.P. McMurphy Well-Known Member

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    ...was there a pregnancy? i mean like did you suddenly end up with an extra twin bed?
     
  14. Mr Cachexic

    Mr Cachexic Well-Known Member Banned User

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    alive
     
  15. flaflaflunky

    flaflaflunky Well-Known Member

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    Poor guy had a massive heart attack after hearing this mess and fell into the wood stove. Then, while clutching his chest, he ran towards the bathroom to put himself out when all of a sudden grandma saw him and tried to help. Unfortunately her house dress caught fire and they both burned to death in the doorway to the shitter. RIP Grandma and Grandpa. I hope it was worth it Mr. Cachexic.
     
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  16. goldtopper

    goldtopper Well Known Heterosexual Gold

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    Man, I'll bet he's got one helluva story to tell at the bar. Hope he changes the names to protect the.....innocent.
     
  17. greenchiclets

    greenchiclets Well-Known Member

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    It never, EVER ends well for bed-humpers.[​IMG]
     
  18. lilbuddy67

    lilbuddy67 A man with breath-taking anger management issues Banned User

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    Grandparent's house? Sick fuck.
     
  19. Zarathustra

    Zarathustra Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  20. meanredhed

    meanredhed Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    :spit: