Feeling insanely depressed lately

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by garypagetwo, Jan 28, 2016.

  1. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun VIP

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    It started right after my failed date 3 weeks ago. Since then I have literally been anxious 24/7, I can't sleep, and I feel lost and like I don't want to live. At first I thought it was because I was "in love" with the girl, and that I was depressed because I had fucked it up, and would never meet someone else like her, but I don't even know if that's it.

    She actually messaged me tonight and asked me if I had left a rose on her door, lol. I said no, and she said weird because someone had left a rose on her door with a note, and she thought maybe it was me because she hasn't been on a date in a while (fucking bullshit, I barely know where the front door to her apartment building is).

    She posted a pic and it was of a rose with a printed letter saying something like "A band aid for the wound, from a hopeless tinder date" (hard to translate). Clearly she just thought it was me because I had just recently apologized for being awkward, and I'm sure she's been on dates with tons of other guys in the meantime.

    But my point is that it's not even really her I'm thinking about. Like, it IS, I think about her a lot, but not really her the person, just the idea of her. Like, I don't really like her anymore, I can't even explain it. I'm just anxious and restless all the time, and can't stop thinking that I need to do something. I've definitely not been myself since that date.

    I have an appointment with a therapist on Tuesday, but right now I'm in bed, my body temperature is way up for some reason, so I'm sweating under the sheets, and it feels like my life is over. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to keep living. It's a very confusing feeling, I'm not sure how many of you can relate.
     
  2. Gitfiddle

    Gitfiddle Live Deliciously

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  3. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    That's my rose!
     
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  4. Xhorder

    Xhorder \m/ VIP

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    We're all here for you Gar
    Get well soon!
     
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  5. zhukov

    zhukov Time traveler Gold

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    order a large pepperoni.
     
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  6. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun VIP

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    It feels like I want something, but I don't know what I want, and it's all I can think of. Do you know the feeling I'm describing?
     
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  7. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  8. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

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    Are you still smoking weed? Maybe now's a good time to stop if you haven't...feeling the way you do.
     
  9. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun VIP

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    I havent smoked weed since i badtripped in summer. 2-3 months prior to that, I had smoked daily for almost 2 years..
     
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  10. doytch

    doytch Well-Known Member

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    You are sad all the ways. This is bad and i hope you did get better
     
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  11. Zarathustra

    Zarathustra Well-Known Member

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    Gary, you seem overly focused on looks. Try going for someone with a good personality and see how it works out.
     
  12. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    You ever fuck a black guy?
     
  13. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

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    Did you mean "how often do you fuck black guys"?

    [​IMG]
     
  14. WillyBest

    WillyBest Achiever Gold

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    You want poon, Gar. Poon cures everything! Go smash some ass.
     
  15. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun VIP

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    I know this sounds ridiculous, but I honestly can't help it. It's not that I can't be with girls who aren't 9s or 10s, but right now, after I was on a second date with a 10, basically, I just feel completely fucked up in my head.

    When I was 11 or so, I had lots of freckles on my face, and I HATED it. I would cry about it, not want to leave my room, and tell my parents I wanted to laser them off. For years I was completely obsessed by my freckles, but now they're basically gone. I don't obsess like that anymore, but I still have pretty severe underlying body dysmorphia. I think...I wanted that girl to want me, because I would feel validated. It would validate my entire life. But maybe that's not either? I can't pinpoint exactly what my issue is right now, I'm just completely restless, anxious, and can't stop thinking. I don't feel like going to classes or anything else.
     
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  16. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun VIP

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    A little vitamin P probably wouldn't hurt
     
  17. blotchy

    blotchy ncvv hmasfdgvb reggvbawedfm Gold

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  18. larryluncg

    larryluncg Empty VIP Gold

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    Summer likes this.
  19. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

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    Have you contacted @dawg about this? He's very kind and caring in regards to you and your problems.
     
  20. WillyBest

    WillyBest Achiever Gold

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    Vitamin P on the D!!! :cheer:
     
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