It started right after my failed date 3 weeks ago. Since then I have literally been anxious 24/7, I can't sleep, and I feel lost and like I don't want to live. At first I thought it was because I was "in love" with the girl, and that I was depressed because I had fucked it up, and would never meet someone else like her, but I don't even know if that's it. She actually messaged me tonight and asked me if I had left a rose on her door, lol. I said no, and she said weird because someone had left a rose on her door with a note, and she thought maybe it was me because she hasn't been on a date in a while (fucking bullshit, I barely know where the front door to her apartment building is). She posted a pic and it was of a rose with a printed letter saying something like "A band aid for the wound, from a hopeless tinder date" (hard to translate). Clearly she just thought it was me because I had just recently apologized for being awkward, and I'm sure she's been on dates with tons of other guys in the meantime. But my point is that it's not even really her I'm thinking about. Like, it IS, I think about her a lot, but not really her the person, just the idea of her. Like, I don't really like her anymore, I can't even explain it. I'm just anxious and restless all the time, and can't stop thinking that I need to do something. I've definitely not been myself since that date. I have an appointment with a therapist on Tuesday, but right now I'm in bed, my body temperature is way up for some reason, so I'm sweating under the sheets, and it feels like my life is over. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to keep living. It's a very confusing feeling, I'm not sure how many of you can relate.