Feeling insanely depressed lately

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by garypagetwo, Jan 28, 2016.

  1. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun Gold

    Reputations:
    311,512
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2012
    Messages:
    31,382
    Likes Received:
    26,298
    It started right after my failed date 3 weeks ago. Since then I have literally been anxious 24/7, I can't sleep, and I feel lost and like I don't want to live. At first I thought it was because I was "in love" with the girl, and that I was depressed because I had fucked it up, and would never meet someone else like her, but I don't even know if that's it.

    She actually messaged me tonight and asked me if I had left a rose on her door, lol. I said no, and she said weird because someone had left a rose on her door with a note, and she thought maybe it was me because she hasn't been on a date in a while (fucking bullshit, I barely know where the front door to her apartment building is).

    She posted a pic and it was of a rose with a printed letter saying something like "A band aid for the wound, from a hopeless tinder date" (hard to translate). Clearly she just thought it was me because I had just recently apologized for being awkward, and I'm sure she's been on dates with tons of other guys in the meantime.

    But my point is that it's not even really her I'm thinking about. Like, it IS, I think about her a lot, but not really her the person, just the idea of her. Like, I don't really like her anymore, I can't even explain it. I'm just anxious and restless all the time, and can't stop thinking that I need to do something. I've definitely not been myself since that date.

    I have an appointment with a therapist on Tuesday, but right now I'm in bed, my body temperature is way up for some reason, so I'm sweating under the sheets, and it feels like my life is over. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to keep living. It's a very confusing feeling, I'm not sure how many of you can relate.
     
  2. Gitfiddle

    Gitfiddle Live Deliciously

    Reputations:
    9
    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2012
    Messages:
    31,563
    Likes Received:
    26,966
  3. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan Banned VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    66,557
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2011
    Messages:
    79,279
    Likes Received:
    35,610
    That's my rose!
     
    No Head Games and Chrisboom like this.
  4. Xhorder

    Xhorder \m/ VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    18,002
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2011
    Messages:
    3,022
    Likes Received:
    2,646
    We're all here for you Gar
    Get well soon!
     
    Summer, Napoleon V, jcosey and 2 others like this.
  5. zhukov

    zhukov Time Traveler VIP

    Reputations:
    51,940
    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2011
    Messages:
    37,675
    Likes Received:
    21,281
    order a large pepperoni.
     
    rogmar, Chrisboom, Nunz and 1 other person like this.
  6. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun Gold

    Reputations:
    311,512
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2012
    Messages:
    31,382
    Likes Received:
    26,298
    It feels like I want something, but I don't know what I want, and it's all I can think of. Do you know the feeling I'm describing?
     
    Dirty South likes this.
  7. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

    Reputations:
    56,766
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    39,339
    Likes Received:
    18,308
    [​IMG]
     
    Chrisboom likes this.
  8. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

    Reputations:
    256,172
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2012
    Messages:
    89,984
    Likes Received:
    105,491
    Are you still smoking weed? Maybe now's a good time to stop if you haven't...feeling the way you do.
     
  9. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun Gold

    Reputations:
    311,512
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2012
    Messages:
    31,382
    Likes Received:
    26,298
    I havent smoked weed since i badtripped in summer. 2-3 months prior to that, I had smoked daily for almost 2 years..
     
    Summer and Dirty South like this.
  10. doytch

    doytch Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    5,753
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2013
    Messages:
    1,570
    Likes Received:
    3,461
    You are sad all the ways. This is bad and i hope you did get better
     
    Rescued Owl, Chriza, O Face and 4 others like this.
  11. Zarathustra

    Zarathustra Well-Known Member VIP

    Reputations:
    108,965
    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2013
    Messages:
    22,079
    Likes Received:
    25,154
    Gary, you seem overly focused on looks. Try going for someone with a good personality and see how it works out.
     
  12. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head Darth Taterâ„¢ 2010 OG Gold

    Reputations:
    204,671
    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2010
    Messages:
    82,858
    Likes Received:
    37,639
    You ever fuck a black guy?
     
  13. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

    Reputations:
    56,766
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    39,339
    Likes Received:
    18,308
    Did you mean "how often do you fuck black guys"?

    [​IMG]
     
  14. WillyBest

    WillyBest POTY The Bar Gold

    Reputations:
    503,413
    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2012
    Messages:
    32,247
    Likes Received:
    38,138
    You want poon, Gar. Poon cures everything! Go smash some ass.
     
  15. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun Gold

    Reputations:
    311,512
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2012
    Messages:
    31,382
    Likes Received:
    26,298
    I know this sounds ridiculous, but I honestly can't help it. It's not that I can't be with girls who aren't 9s or 10s, but right now, after I was on a second date with a 10, basically, I just feel completely fucked up in my head.

    When I was 11 or so, I had lots of freckles on my face, and I HATED it. I would cry about it, not want to leave my room, and tell my parents I wanted to laser them off. For years I was completely obsessed by my freckles, but now they're basically gone. I don't obsess like that anymore, but I still have pretty severe underlying body dysmorphia. I think...I wanted that girl to want me, because I would feel validated. It would validate my entire life. But maybe that's not either? I can't pinpoint exactly what my issue is right now, I'm just completely restless, anxious, and can't stop thinking. I don't feel like going to classes or anything else.
     
    Summer and Dirty South like this.
  16. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun Gold

    Reputations:
    311,512
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2012
    Messages:
    31,382
    Likes Received:
    26,298
    A little vitamin P probably wouldn't hurt
     
  17. blotchy

    blotchy ncvv hmasfdgvb reggvbawedfm VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    9,534
    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2012
    Messages:
    3,075
    Likes Received:
    3,129
  18. larryluncg

    larryluncg Birthdays were the worst days VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    151,724
    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2012
    Messages:
    19,127
    Likes Received:
    19,186
    Summer likes this.
  19. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

    Reputations:
    256,172
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2012
    Messages:
    89,984
    Likes Received:
    105,491
    Have you contacted @dawg about this? He's very kind and caring in regards to you and your problems.
     
  20. WillyBest

    WillyBest POTY The Bar Gold

    Reputations:
    503,413
    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2012
    Messages:
    32,247
    Likes Received:
    38,138
    Vitamin P on the D!!! :cheer:
     
    garypagetwo likes this.