News First head transplant is planned for 2017

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by killallposers, Sep 10, 2015.

  1. killallposers

    killallposers VIP Extreme Gold

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    Crazy shit. There's no way this is going to work, is there? If it does, this totally means that when he whacks-off, he'll be performing a gay act.


    World’s first head transplant patient schedules procedure for 2017
    Published September 10, 2015
    FoxNews.com
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    Valery Spiridonov who has put himself forward to have the world's first head transplant is going to meet the surgeon. (CEN)

    A man set to become the world’s first head transplant patient has scheduled the procedure for December 2017.

    Valery Spiridonov, 30, was diagnosed with a genetic muscle-wasting condition called Werdnig-Hoffmann disease, and volunteered for the procedure despite the risks involved, Central European News (CEN) reported.


    “When I realized that I could participate in something really big and important, I had no doubt left in my mind and started to work in this direction,” Spiridonov, a Russian computer scientist, told CEN. “The only thing I feel is the sense of pleasant impatience, like I have been preparing for something important all my life and it is starting to happen.”

    Dr. Sergio Canavero, an Italian neurosurgeon, will perform the procedure on Spiridonov. The procedure is expected to last up to 36 hours, and it will require Spiridonov’s head be cooled as well as the donor’s body to extend the period during which the cells can survive without oxygen, CEN reported.

    “According to Canavero’s calculations, if everything goes to plan, two years is the time frame needed to verify all scientific calculations and plan the procedure’s details,” Spiridonov told CEN. “It isn’t a race. No doubt, the surgery will be done once the doctor and the experts are 99 percent sure of its success.”

    Spiridonov joked that first thing he plans to do after the procedure is go on a vacation.


    “But on a serious note, this operation is aimed at restoring independence of severely disabled people. Once I get it back I’ll see what the life of a healthier person looks like,” he said.
     
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  2. Pigsaw

    Pigsaw Well-Known Member

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    What could possibly go wrong?
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  3. yaddc

    yaddc Well-Known Member

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    Wasent Carl Yastrzemski on that waiting list.
     
  4. ClumpyStern

    ClumpyStern HSS-clean since Dec 2011 VIP

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    Ted Williams...and it's cooled for a few hours while still alive, not deep-frozen solid on a fucking tuna can for years after death. Also seems to me that a hockey puck might be better than a tuna can, but that's assuming it's not a ridiculous idea in the first place (meaning the deep freeze, not the transplant).
     
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  5. selloutwig

    selloutwig Well-Known Member

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    At least he didn't say 100%. That should stave off any lawsuits.
     
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  6. yaddc

    yaddc Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the correction :toptip:
     
  7. Shortwave98

    Shortwave98 A-Number 1 Banned User

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    His head is damaged. It was supposed to be his whole body but they screwed the body up. His only chance is cloning.
     
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  8. Just Me

    Just Me VIP Extreme Gold

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    The last I read they were planning on somehow gluing the two spinal cords together. I don't see it ever working.
     
  9. Shortwave98

    Shortwave98 A-Number 1 Banned User

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    Should it correctly be called a body transplant? You're not gonna wake up with a different head, you're gonna wake up with a different body.
     
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  10. ClumpyStern

    ClumpyStern HSS-clean since Dec 2011 VIP

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    Not the same thing. Cloning just creates an entirely new person, the same as if they cloned someone before death. It doesn't do the dead person any good as far as having any additional life. A true brain transplant allows the brain to continue experiencing life but in a different body.
     
  11. yahoo

    yahoo Well-Known Member

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    I was never grossed out by the expression "getting head" until now
     
  12. SalsMasterShake

    SalsMasterShake Mouthpiece VIP

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    :haha:

    [​IMG]
     
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  13. ilovebacon

    ilovebacon Well-Known Member VIP

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    The chances of this working are...

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  14. Rocinante

    Rocinante Well-Endowed Member Gold

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    Even if they could do this, there is no way his head could be spliced onto a different spline. At best, he would be totally paralyzed.
     
  15. lilbuddy67

    lilbuddy67 A man with breath-taking anger management issues Banned User

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  16. tedsfrozenhead

    tedsfrozenhead Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    They could use this head. I hear that it has very few miles on it.
     
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  17. Zyro

    Zyro Well-Known Member

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    If I was that guy, one of my conditions would be that my new body has to have a schlong of at least 7 inches when erect, or no deal.
     
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  18. Shortwave98

    Shortwave98 A-Number 1 Banned User

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    In that case he's fucked anyway because they treated him badly after they took custody.
     
  19. DeltaGold84

    DeltaGold84 Well-Known Member VIP

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    That's what I was thinking.
     
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  20. LawyerLarry

    LawyerLarry Mr. Fuckmoney in the Bank VIP

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    I've been hired to consult for this operation to make sure it goes smoothly.