For you non-Christians.... here is God's plan

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Lucky Pierre, Dec 17, 2015.

  1. Lucky Pierre

    Lucky Pierre Well-Known Member

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    1) Always exist. No one and nothing created him. He just always was. Move along.

    2) 14.7 billion years ago, he creates the universe.

    3) 4.5 billion years ago, he creates Earth - a tiny spec of a planet, in a tiny spec of a solar system, in a tiny spec of a galaxy; next to billions of other galaxies.

    4) ~100,000 to 200,000 years ago, he creates modern humans on Earth.

    5) Decides that these modern humans are too impure and sinful to get into Heaven with him. Decides his son must be murdered which will suddenly make humans pure for some reason.

    6) Waits another ~198,000 years and he sends his one messenger, Jesus, to save humanity to one remote part of the planet. It would be hundreds of afters even after his death before remote places like China or India would have heard of him.

    7) There is no historical documentation of any kind from any kind that reference him while he was alive. 30 to 70 after his death, his story is retold by people who never met him. Now humanity has the clear and concise documentation on how to save themselves in the afterlife.

    8) God previously had numerous direct interactions with humanity in the past, yet for the last 2,000 years decides to stop revealing himself.

    9) As the story is passed along, rewritten and translated, there is so much disagreement on what means what to where there are now over 33,000 different denominations of Christianity.

    10) If you choose not to follow this plan with complete belief and devotion or choose to follow a different religion, your punishment will be eternal damnation in Hell.

    Enjoy!

    [​IMG]
     
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  2. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    I have wrinkly balls
     
  3. Charon

    Charon Soulless VIP

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    I wanna shave them
     
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  4. beatlejaws

    beatlejaws nowhere poster

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    Trump says the same about himself
     
  5. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock VIP

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    Amen!
     
  6. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    In the old testament, God was a mean son of a bitch. Then he had a kid an mellowed out in the new testament.
     
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  7. ice cream

    ice cream Well-Known Member

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    60/40 there's an afterlife
     
  8. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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    I hope they have pop tarts in the afterlife.
     
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  9. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    I hope I can have my shun knife in the afterlife.
     
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  10. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    Hopefully they leave star wars out of the after life
     
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  11. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. geo

    geo Well-Known Member

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    this
     
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  13. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    Who needs heaven when all my friends will be in hell.
     
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  14. freds

    freds you broke it VIP

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    i want this.
     
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  15. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Notable Member VIP

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    Friend Pin! :derp:
     
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  16. VarmintSam

    VarmintSam Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    :spit: im loling way harder at this than i should.
     
  17. Danas Boyfrien

    Danas Boyfrien Trump's African American Gold

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    We were made in his own image. :dontknow:
     
  18. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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    :fil:
     
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  19. Hand Banana

    Hand Banana Well-Known Member

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    The atheists have their own Ken Hovind. Nice!

    Per point 7), Bart Ehrman, who is as religious as you, said, "There is no scholar in any college or university in the Western World who teaches classics...or any related field, who doubts Jesus existed."

    Please tell us why you are so smart and they are all so dumb.
     
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  20. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    Oh calm down.