For you non-Christians.... here is God's plan

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Lucky Pierre, Dec 17, 2015.

  1. Lucky Pierre

    Lucky Pierre Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    3,956
    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2012
    Messages:
    4,629
    Likes Received:
    2,760
    1) Always exist. No one and nothing created him. He just always was. Move along.

    2) 14.7 billion years ago, he creates the universe.

    3) 4.5 billion years ago, he creates Earth - a tiny spec of a planet, in a tiny spec of a solar system, in a tiny spec of a galaxy; next to billions of other galaxies.

    4) ~100,000 to 200,000 years ago, he creates modern humans on Earth.

    5) Decides that these modern humans are too impure and sinful to get into Heaven with him. Decides his son must be murdered which will suddenly make humans pure for some reason.

    6) Waits another ~198,000 years and he sends his one messenger, Jesus, to save humanity to one remote part of the planet. It would be hundreds of afters even after his death before remote places like China or India would have heard of him.

    7) There is no historical documentation of any kind from any kind that reference him while he was alive. 30 to 70 after his death, his story is retold by people who never met him. Now humanity has the clear and concise documentation on how to save themselves in the afterlife.

    8) God previously had numerous direct interactions with humanity in the past, yet for the last 2,000 years decides to stop revealing himself.

    9) As the story is passed along, rewritten and translated, there is so much disagreement on what means what to where there are now over 33,000 different denominations of Christianity.

    10) If you choose not to follow this plan with complete belief and devotion or choose to follow a different religion, your punishment will be eternal damnation in Hell.

    Enjoy!

    [​IMG]
     
    cetiya, John Mahlin, Dlist and 4 others like this.
  2. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

    Reputations:
    337,052
    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2010
    Messages:
    181,927
    Likes Received:
    64,265
    I have wrinkly balls
     
  3. Charon

    Charon Soulless VIP

    Reputations:
    192,234
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2012
    Messages:
    23,331
    Likes Received:
    12,867

    I wanna shave them
     
    O Face likes this.
  4. beatlejaws

    beatlejaws nowhere poster

    Reputations:
    41,900
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2011
    Messages:
    54,251
    Likes Received:
    5,622
    Trump says the same about himself
     
  5. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock VIP

    Reputations:
    121,106
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    22,101
    Likes Received:
    23,587
    Amen!
     
  6. Bro

    Bro Corporate Fascist VIP

    Reputations:
    213,560
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    86,818
    Likes Received:
    17,683
    In the old testament, God was a mean son of a bitch. Then he had a kid an mellowed out in the new testament.
     
    Napoleon V and GLguygardner like this.
  7. ice cream

    ice cream Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    18,851
    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2011
    Messages:
    23,536
    Likes Received:
    5,018
    60/40 there's an afterlife
     
  8. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

    Reputations:
    766,646
    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2011
    Messages:
    178,099
    Likes Received:
    95,629
    I hope they have pop tarts in the afterlife.
     
    Napoleon V, Dlist, babybear and 2 others like this.
  9. Bro

    Bro Corporate Fascist VIP

    Reputations:
    213,560
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    86,818
    Likes Received:
    17,683
    I hope I can have my shun knife in the afterlife.
     
    Danas Boyfrien likes this.
  10. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

    Reputations:
    242,831
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2013
    Messages:
    39,161
    Likes Received:
    29,962
    Hopefully they leave star wars out of the after life
     
    freds likes this.
  11. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

    Reputations:
    147,756
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    33,898
    Likes Received:
    11,908
    [​IMG]
     
    Scott, Nunz, DarkFriday and 1 other person like this.
  12. geo

    geo Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    64,306
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    16,001
    Likes Received:
    6,045
    this
     
    babybear and DarkFriday like this.
  13. Bro

    Bro Corporate Fascist VIP

    Reputations:
    213,560
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    86,818
    Likes Received:
    17,683
    Who needs heaven when all my friends will be in hell.
     
    cetiya and John Mahlin like this.
  14. freds

    freds you broke it VIP

    Reputations:
    207,492
    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2010
    Messages:
    63,368
    Likes Received:
    28,936
    i want this.
     
    yosemite sam likes this.
  15. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Notable Member VIP

    Reputations:
    181,444
    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2010
    Messages:
    84,947
    Likes Received:
    25,261
    Friend Pin! :derp:
     
    Mojopin likes this.
  16. yosemite sam

    yosemite sam VIP Extreme Gold

    Reputations:
    196,917
    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2012
    Messages:
    26,681
    Likes Received:
    19,607
    :spit: im loling way harder at this than i should.
     
  17. Danas Boyfrien

    Danas Boyfrien Trump's African American Gold

    Reputations:
    146,142
    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2010
    Messages:
    26,596
    Likes Received:
    15,442

    We were made in his own image. :dontknow:
     
  18. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

    Reputations:
    766,646
    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2011
    Messages:
    178,099
    Likes Received:
    95,629
    :fil:
     
    Dream Theater likes this.
  19. Hand Banana

    Hand Banana Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    7,056
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2013
    Messages:
    1,544
    Likes Received:
    1,302
    The atheists have their own Ken Hovind. Nice!

    Per point 7), Bart Ehrman, who is as religious as you, said, "There is no scholar in any college or university in the Western World who teaches classics...or any related field, who doubts Jesus existed."

    Please tell us why you are so smart and they are all so dumb.
     
    PI Nate likes this.
  20. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

    Reputations:
    242,831
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2013
    Messages:
    39,161
    Likes Received:
    29,962
    Oh calm down.