Fuck this

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Caffeinated, May 30, 2015.

  1. Caffeinated

    Caffeinated Well-Known Member

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    I've been sitting with Mr Deee in an ER going on 3 1/2 hours. He is quite unwell, but it's not life threatening, though if left untreated it will become a problem. No one is listening. Already complained. And so we wait. And I vent.

    Anyone got any good sex mishap stories? Anything fun or funny?
    Fuck this weak shit.

    [​IMG]
     
  2. peterfonda

    peterfonda Well-Known Member

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    The ER wait can be brutal. Time has little meaning there. I've done it myself many times over the years. Sorry for your predicament.
     
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  3. Jayla

    Jayla Ou ai-je l'esprit? Gold

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    Sorry to hear that, hun. Sending good thoughts.
     
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  4. SouthernListen

    SouthernListen I don't follow the crowd. Sorry about that. VIP

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    [​IMG]
     
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  5. PelicanWig

    PelicanWig Beautiful Soup

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    Tell them he has chest pain and he will have a bed, IV and monitor in 2 seconds.
     
  6. Richard Tucker

    Richard Tucker Well-Known Member

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    One time I sort of hollowed out the end of a bread stick and stuck on my dick. My ex wife apparently forgot my penis was inside of it because when she got it off, rather than just pulling, she bit into it, and my dick. Out of reflex, I smacked her on the side of the head then started crying. It made my urethra bleed.

    ...is that funny?
     
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  7. Beffquus

    Beffquus Scripta sunt in stellis Gold

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    Well, that's a rollicking Saturday night! Wow...

    Throwing shit around can get quick attention.

    I once was trapped by (in?) a lively woman's sphincter. Does that count as a sex mishap? Wonder how quickly that would have gotten attention in the ER...

    Hang in there, Deee.
     
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  8. Richard Tucker

    Richard Tucker Well-Known Member

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    Another time I ate a bunch of tabs and started cranking it at the computer. It was a real workout, lasting about six hours. When I finally came, I shot about eight ropes, with the last hitting me right in the eye.

    Same thing happened another time, except it shot into my mouth.

    I don't masturbate at the computer anymore.
     
  9. Caffeinated

    Caffeinated Well-Known Member

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    :haha:
     
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  10. Cinnaminion

    Cinnaminion All Shadowy Light Gold

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    The people watching in the waiting room of the ER is always at least sanity affirming.

    Hang tough :thumbup2:
     
  11. Caffeinated

    Caffeinated Well-Known Member

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    :cwl:

    Oh yea. This is what the doctor ordered.
     
  12. Cinnaminion

    Cinnaminion All Shadowy Light Gold

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    It's so fucked up, it has to be true.

    Isn't there a humiliating story thread someplace? :rolleyes:
     
  13. Caffeinated

    Caffeinated Well-Known Member

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    Trapped in a lovely woman's sphincter. Hmm. That in itself is

    :haha:

    Feel free to share the anecdote, though.
     
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  14. Caffeinated

    Caffeinated Well-Known Member

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    I appreciate all the kind words. I'm cool, just concerned about Mr Deee, who is more agitated than anything right now.
    Can't blame him, though.
     
  15. Beffquus

    Beffquus Scripta sunt in stellis Gold

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    Have not had quite enough to drink tonight to share details. Let's just say one shouldn't linger in certain neighborhoods. Do your thing and move on...
     
  16. Caffeinated

    Caffeinated Well-Known Member

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    There is, but sex mishaps are specific and fucking funny :). Trying to cheer up Mr Deee here...
     
  17. Richard Tucker

    Richard Tucker Well-Known Member

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    My buddy told me he was banging a chick once and her dog, a cocker spaniel if I remember correctly, came in the room and started growling at him. Dude just pretended it wasn't there and kept going.

    Right as he was about to finish, the do became impossible to ignore, as it lunged toward him, biting him directly on his left testicle. He said it was the size of a grapefruit the next day. Forgot to ask if he was able to finish.

    Maybe it was the way he said "nutsac" with his Irish accent, but that story had me in tears.
     
  18. Cinnaminion

    Cinnaminion All Shadowy Light Gold

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    For Valentine's Day one year, my ex decided to surprise me with a candle lit---tutorial on how to milk a prostate.
    No shit.
    Lit candles and started a medical instructional video, then poured me a glass of wine and said..."shall we?"

    o_O
     
  19. joe361

    joe361 Well-Known Member

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  20. Bristol Chicken

    Bristol Chicken Free Range and Loving It Gold

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    Go outside and call an ambulance.
    They will take you right in if you show up in an ambulance.