News garypagetwo Presents: The Ultimate Dawg Conspiracy

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by garypagetwo, May 3, 2016.

  1. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun Gold

    Reputations:
    8,525
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2012
    Messages:
    24,323
    Likes Received:
    17,525
    [​IMG] A message from the editor:
    The following is a conspiracy theory that lacks solid evidence, and is purely an educated estimate of the truth based on facts and witness reports. I am in no way accusing Dawg, or anyone else mentioned in this piece, of any wrong doing...If you have any information that could help solidify what is here, please do not hesitate to message me privately. You can also contact the news team correspondent @Slow.
    ~garypagetwo



    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Remember the movie "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"?

    [​IMG]

    The movie itself is, of course, fiction, but some people say it's based off a manic murderer named Ed Gein.
    However, it got me thinking...Texas. Who else do I know who's from Texas?
    And why does the chainsaw guy always look so brown?
    [​IMG]
    Could he be mexican?

    "I know a Mexican who lives in Texas"

    And yes, I know, it doesn't make any sense, and this is just crazy, but I'm just going to put it all out there and start giving the details behind this conspiracy theory that could turn the whole site on its head.

    [​IMG]
    Who's really hiding behind that mask? And why?

    First of all:

    [​IMG]
    Got his first .22 when he was 5. I wonder what it was for? And also, is that a veiled threat there, Mr.Dawg? But the real question is, when did he get his first chainsaw?

    Ever notice how Dawg is gone for 4-5 days, nowhere to be seen, and then suddenly re-appears, shot out of a cannon usually and on fire posting week old videos and other absurd threads? It's like he's overly happy about something. But where exactly was he those days he was gone? And what was he doing? And why is he so fucking on fire?
    Is the answer: Harvesting body parts?

    But why?


    When Dawg first created the dawgsaloon, it wasn't exactly the most happening place

    Sure, you had posters like BethSucks, and that admin who literally thinks he's an ape, and honestly acts like one too, but let's be real for a second, if the internet was a nightclub, dawgsaloon in the early stages would have been the glory hole in the men's bathroom.

    So, Dawg thought...if I can't get posters to come to me..why not just make my own?

    His first experiment was codename: DreamTheater, later nicknamed @Dream Theater

    After fishing a bloated corpse out of the texas river, Dawg went to work to try to reanimate it and program it to become a valuable poster on his site...
    But these were early years, and Dawg wasn't experienced. Things went horribly wrong.

    [​IMG]

    Dawg had basically taken a bloated corpse, replaced the decomposing brain with a fresh one from a chimpanzee, zapped it a few times, and hoped for the best. What he got was an insanely cliche biker tough guy obsessed with appearing manly and masculine who liked to drive around on a dumb bike and pretend he was a badass.

    [​IMG]

    Dawg set him free. He was a lost cause. The good news was that he had managed to actually create a new poster, because @Dream Theater did actually start posting on dawgsaloon, albeit meaningless posts that lacked substance, originality, and any real human thought to them.

    Dawg wasn't deterred. He knew he was on the right track.


    He changed his game plan for his next "experiment". This time, he was going to build the poster from scratch...using fresh parts.

    Being in Texas, the Wild West, it was too easy. Dawg did the logical thing and donned a mask made out of human flesh, and went to work collecting new body parts for his experiment.

    [​IMG]

    Finally, it was complete. Dawg had created the perfect poster. One who would become a mod on his site, and eventually succeed him.

    [​IMG]

    @Anfkid was born.

    In reality, the project was a failure. Anfkid had no personality, no creativity, terrible judgment, and was an all around ignoramus moron retard. He spammed threads, became obsessed with certain posters..Dawg had created a troll bot, but one that was actually a living thing. He had created a monster.

    But Dawg couldn't accept that he had failed. Even when his monster's body began failing, Dawg wouldn't let up. He promoted him to Mod.

    "I'll fix you, Anfkid. Don't worry, daddy will fix you."

    [​IMG]

    So if you're wondering where Dawg goes when he's away...now, maybe you know.
    And that is the conspiracy theory.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2016
  2. smoking baby

    smoking baby Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    66,702
    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2015
    Messages:
    294
    Likes Received:
    521
    hey man nice shot
     
  3. suckemnuckledus

    suckemnuckledus Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    20,048
    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2012
    Messages:
    3,190
    Likes Received:
    4,701
    Hello brain, this is the Valium calling....how are you?
     
  4. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

    Reputations:
    395,603
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2012
    Messages:
    60,199
    Likes Received:
    55,517
    Not this shit again :facepalm:
     
  5. dawg

    dawg In The Dog House Staff Member

    Reputations:
    541,975
    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2010
    Messages:
    119,658
    Likes Received:
    91,109
    Sometimes i worry when people get very obsessed with me. This would be one of those instances.

    I would rather people not get obsessed with me but i have found that is wishful thinking.
     
  6. Tyler9258

    Tyler9258 Old friends, old whiskey, old songs

    Reputations:
    6,772
    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2015
    Messages:
    487
    Likes Received:
    1,513
    TLDR


    It's 1:39 am in Oslo
     
    hsdramaqueen and Gaylord Focker like this.
  7. Keyless Chuck

    Keyless Chuck Barely a VIP

    Reputations:
    28,929
    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2012
    Messages:
    3,193
    Likes Received:
    1,725
    Let Gary visit your profile page you nazi mod! :ballhit:
     
    SuperFarts, TheWonk and Slow like this.
  8. Chief2Kick

    Chief2Kick I'm all sixes & sevens & nines Staff Member

    Reputations:
    144,549
    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    44,383
    Likes Received:
    15,650
    Hey, he puts some effort into this. That's more than I can say about that turd he has stickied.
     
  9. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

    Reputations:
    395,603
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2012
    Messages:
    60,199
    Likes Received:
    55,517
    @BethSucks im being sexually harassed and libeled :yell:
     
    PI Nate, DiamondGoddess and Jayla like this.
  10. skinvy

    skinvy Well-Known Member VIP

    Reputations:
    2,250
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2012
    Messages:
    193
    Likes Received:
    375
    are you sure he dawned a mask? :D:D:D otherwise, very entertaining! bravo!
     
  11. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

    Reputations:
    395,603
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2012
    Messages:
    60,199
    Likes Received:
    55,517
    stuffing 10 chocolate rolls in your face is a lotta work :fil:
     
    Dream Theater likes this.
  12. DrivenByDemons

    DrivenByDemons Spinoff Jesus Staff Member

    Reputations:
    261,065
    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2010
    Messages:
    70,273
    Likes Received:
    42,171
    Why won't you answer my calls dawg?
     
    Micheal Kenyon, ChuckZ, Jayla and 2 others like this.
  13. DrivenByDemons

    DrivenByDemons Spinoff Jesus Staff Member

    Reputations:
    261,065
    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2010
    Messages:
    70,273
    Likes Received:
    42,171
    That vroom vroom pic gets me every time :jj:
     
  14. Keyless Chuck

    Keyless Chuck Barely a VIP

    Reputations:
    28,929
    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2012
    Messages:
    3,193
    Likes Received:
    1,725
    Hey dawg, I been trying to renew my gold because it just stopped with the recurring thing. It's not letting me renew again after a few weeks of trying using different platforms. You take anything other than paypal?
     
  15. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun Gold

    Reputations:
    8,525
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2012
    Messages:
    24,323
    Likes Received:
    17,525
    nice catch :p its late here, thanks!
     
    Micheal Kenyon and skinvy like this.
  16. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

    Reputations:
    395,603
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2012
    Messages:
    60,199
    Likes Received:
    55,517
    :no:
     
    SuperFarts and Keyless Chuck like this.
  17. Gaylord Focker

    Gaylord Focker Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    -21,938
    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2016
    Messages:
    2,442
    Likes Received:
    2,162
    Dude you don't live in Europe. Stop the lies!!!
     
    Anfkid likes this.
  18. Getthepoisonout

    Getthepoisonout I regret my username

    Reputations:
    52,424
    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2012
    Messages:
    2,773
    Likes Received:
    6,080
    I was all set for something juicy that was partially filled with half truths and open up the possibilities that it was real and then the second sentence happened. What a waste of a read.
     
    PI Nate likes this.
  19. dawg

    dawg In The Dog House Staff Member

    Reputations:
    541,975
    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2010
    Messages:
    119,658
    Likes Received:
    91,109
    Not at this time bro, but i do remember you had Gold already when @Anfkid and I did a free Gold a while back. Have a month on us :beer:
     
  20. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gun Gold

    Reputations:
    8,525
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2012
    Messages:
    24,323
    Likes Received:
    17,525
    Read between the lines. I don't want my account banned again...
    Wtf?????
     
    SuperFarts and Keyless Chuck like this.