News Guys, a light switch for your balls

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Shithead, Jan 5, 2016.

  1. Shithead

    Shithead Well-Known Member

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    End of the vasectomy? New implant allows men to turn their fertility on and off with the flick of a switch (inside the scrotum)




    From vasectomies to the male contraceptive pill, there have been many attempts to shift the burden of birth control burden onto men.
    Now one German entrepreneur believes he has the solution - a 'switch' to stop sperm from reaching the penis.
    The valve - which is implanted internally - is designed to divert the flow of sperm back to the man's testicles, making him temporarily infertile.
    If he later decides he wants a wants to become a father, he simply locates the implant in his scrotum and flicks the switch back, allowing sperm to be ejaculated.
    [​IMG]
    +4
    The 1.8cm device is inserted in the scrotum with the recipient able to turn the device on and off to control whether sperm is ejaculated
    Clemens Bimek, the inventor, claims the spermatic duct valve has the potential to 'change the world' by offering a contraceptive that is as effective as a vasectomy - without being permanent.
    Mr Bimek, a joiner who lives in Berlin, had been watching a documentary on contraception when he had the brainwave.
    He is so far the only recipient of the device - which he hopes to fund through €5 million of investment including crowdfunding - with a trial involving 25 men set to start early this year.

    The implant - which is 1.8cm long and weighs 2 grams - takes about half an hour to be surgically inserted while the patient is under local anaesthetic.
    The valve is implanted in the spermatic ducts with a rocker switch - which can be located easily by hand through the thin skin of the scrotum - and turned on and off.
    The switch direction is simple to remember; to open the valve push the switch down towards the abdomen, from where the sperm cells would normally flow.
    Once in place, the device, named the Bimek SLV, will continue to work indefinitely, its makers claim.
    According to the device's website, in its closed state the valve prevents sperm cells from leaving the testicles and mixing with the semen before ejaculate.
    Like a vasectomy, the sperm is instead reabsorbed into the body.
    The main difference is that the spermatic duct valve can be opened by the wearer at any time so the fertility is restored, whereas vasectomies cannot always be reversed.
    [​IMG]
    +4
    A drawing of the contraceptive device which is fitted internally in the scrotum to regulate the flow of sperm to the penis and can be controlled using the sperm 'switch'
    +4
    The implant would work by diverting the sperm away from the penis, so it can never reach the egg (above)
    HOW VASECTOMIES WORK COMPARED TO THE SPERM SWITCH
    A vasectomy works by preventing sperm from the testes reaching the semen that is ejaculated during orgasm.
    This is achieved by cutting or blocking the tubes that carry sperm from the testes to the penis.
    A vasectomy is usually considered to be a permanent form of contraception because it is not always possible to reverse the procedure.
    Reversing a vasectomy is a complicated procedure that involves rejoining the sperm-carrying tubes that were cut or blocked during your vasectomy.
    Sperm is then reabsorbed back into the body.
    The sperm switch works the same way by blocking the sperm from reaching the semen.
    The major difference with the implant is its valve which can be turned off and on, depending on whether or not he wants to have children.
    Sources: NHS Choices and Bimek SLV
    Once the valve is in its open position, the sperm cells are able to pass through the opened valve, flow through the spermatic ducts again and be ejaculated.
    But the makers warn it will take between three and six months for men to get rid of any lingering sperm cells in the seminal glands or prostate, so additional protection would be needed initially if if used as a contraceptive.
    Switching it back the other way, however, should give immediate results as the body does not take a break from producing sperm cells.
    So far, the method has only been tested on Mr Bimek himself, and experts are divided over its potential effectiveness.
    Urologist Hartwig Bauer told German news magazine Der Spiegel said it was far more flexible than vasectomies.
    'A third of all patients would like to have such operations reversed at a later date. But it doesn't always work,' Dr Bauer said.
    But Dr Wolfgang Bühmann, spokesman for the Society of German Urologists, said the valve could have negative side effects.
    'I believe that the implantation of this valve could lead to scar tissue building up in the seminal ducts,' he said.
    This could stop sperm from travelling through the tubes, causing long-term infertility issues.
    He also raised concerns that sperm could stick to the valve which could clog up the switch mechanism over time.
    Experts state implants made from the same material had been used 'without complication' on other parts of the body.
    For more information on the device visit the Bimek SLV website.
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    It is hoped that the implant could one day be an alternative to other birth control methods like contraceptive pills, pictured above. Trials on 25 men are due to start early this year
     
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  2. baci

    baci Well-Known Member VIP

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    Anything with Men controlling birth control won't work. You can't trust us. We can't even flick the light switch let alone the jizz switch.
     
  3. Mojopin

    Mojopin Resplendent in his frock VIP

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    Wait, is this in the on or off position? Fuck!
     
  4. baci

    baci Well-Known Member VIP

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    If my partner is working on my balls I don't think I will be worried if the switch is on or off. My mind will be elsewhere.
     
  5. lastlaugh

    lastlaugh Well-Known Member

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    I am not messing around with one of these. Let nature take its course.
     
  6. baci

    baci Well-Known Member VIP

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    Unless it comes with an alarm system warning it's useless. "This is the Scrotum Alarm System your jizz is active"...lol.
     
  7. RONNIE THE CLAW

    RONNIE THE CLAW Well-Known Member VIP

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  8. baci

    baci Well-Known Member VIP

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    The other problem is the light switch in my head is way stronger the light switch in my balls.
     
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  9. batcave

    batcave Well-Known Member

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    Might work better if attached to a clapper....
     
  10. HowieStearn

    HowieStearn HateClub

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    the jizz switch :snicker:
     
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  11. Jayla

    Jayla Ou ai-je l'esprit? Gold

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    :rofl:
     
  12. Jayla

    Jayla Ou ai-je l'esprit? Gold

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    This could be a great thing for the small percentage of men who tend to change their minds a lot about big life decisions. But most ppl who have vasectomies do it for a very good reason.
     
  13. Nemo

    Nemo Beer Can Thick Gold

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    How will this affect chronic premature ejaculation?
    I'm asking for a friend.
    :coffee:
     
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  14. hugh jasol

    hugh jasol Foxy White Gold

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    I wonder if they could hot wire it to my truck's keyless entry/ignition. Vroom vroom, whoops you're knocked up. I just wanted my seats warm.
     
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  15. Captain

    Captain Alto, Blanco y Guapo Gold

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    Sorry, but that looks even more complicated and painful than a V. Can't wait until it shorts out, malfunctions and the company goes Chapter 7.

    [​IMG]

    If you have assets, gentlemen, best course is to clip' n snip.
     
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  16. DuckDong

    DuckDong Well-Known Member

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    I said the same thing and now I have 4 kids and I'll be working till I'm 70 to get them all thru college
     
  17. ltd86

    ltd86 Racist Banned User

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    I think I just fainted
     
  18. ltd86

    ltd86 Racist Banned User

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    turn in your man card
     
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  19. DinnerSocks

    DinnerSocks Well-Known Member

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    What could possibly go wrong with a light switch implanted into your ball sack?
     
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  20. Walygatr

    Walygatr Well-Known Member

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    Who wants to play Pecker Roulette™?