How did the Virgin Mary get pregnant?

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Lucky Pierre, Dec 25, 2013.

  1. Lucky Pierre

    Lucky Pierre Well-Known Member

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    Assuming the story in the Bible is based on actual people, etc:

    - She was impregnated by the Holy Spirit.

    - She had a sexual relationship with a man other than Joseph and created this story as a cover to avoid the harsh social stigma that otherwise would certainly follow.

    - She did not actually have sex and wasn't lying about being a virgin, however she was fooling around with someone who got her pregnant via ejaculating on the outside of her and the semen was then rubbed or seeped in - what they call "splash conception".

    - She got raped by a Roman Soldier.

    Those are your choices.

    Choose wisely.



    1 in 200 mothers reports a "virgin" birth, study finds

    By Emily Alpert ReyesDecember 24, 2013, 10:00 a.m.

    Roughly one out of every 200 American women claim to have become pregnant as virgins, according to a recently published study. But scholars think that far from Bethlehem, something other than a miracle is afoot.

    Researchers from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill tracked how women answered questions on the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health. They found that a small fraction of women – 0.5% – reported getting pregnant before they started having sex.

    Women with “virgin pregnancy” were twice as likely as other pregnant women to have signed a chastity pledge, with more than 30% reporting they had done so. Their parents, in turn, were more likely to say they had trouble discussing sex or birth control with their children, the survey showed.

    http://www.latimes.com/science/scie...-study-20131223,0,3542250.story#ixzz2oV4G1HGk
     
  2. FatKidSullivan

    FatKidSullivan Smoking Cigars

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    Bitches lie.
     
  3. Bubbleguts420

    Bubbleguts420 2 word review, shit sandwich

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    A good deep seeding by some swarthy dessert roamer.
     
  4. DrivenByDemons

    DrivenByDemons Spinoff Jesus Staff Member

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    Sperm
     
  5. Nickthedick

    Nickthedick Absotutely

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    I am pretty sure it had something to do with these...
    [​IMG]
     
  6. Gomez

    Gomez Well-Known Member

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  7. Tommy

    Tommy New Member Banned User

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    Book of Luke

    26In the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a town of Galilee called Nazareth, 27to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph, of the house of David, and the virgin’s name was Mary.[SUP]l[/SUP] 28And coming to her, he said, “Hail, favored one! The Lord is with you.”[SUP]m[/SUP] 29But she was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. 30Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31[SUP]n[/SUP] Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. 32[SUP]o[/SUP] He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High,[SUP]*[/SUP] and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, 33and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”[SUP]p[/SUP] 34But Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man?”[SUP]*[/SUP] 35And the angel said to her in reply, “The holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God.[SUP]q[/SUP] 36And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also conceived[SUP]*[/SUP] a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren; 37for nothing will be impossible for God.”[SUP]r[/SUP] 38Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.
     
  8. k4D3t

    k4D3t Reverse Apache Master VIP

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    impregnated by a unicorn's horn shooting fairie dust
     
  9. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    you really think a married young man like joseph is going to be married with a young bride like mary and not have sex? the days are long, and the nights are short. there is no tv, and nothing else to do for 12 hours. jesus never said he was virgin born. that was added long after when the church felt the joseph - mary - jesus story needed similarity to the osirus - isis - horus egyptian savior god story so they plagiarized elements of it. the egyptians had similar thoughts when they were creating their mythology (where do you think the jews learned it?) so they plagiarized the same elements from the sumerians who really were virgin born because their god Bal was an ancient alien and grown in a birthing tank....
     
  10. LonghornJ

    LonghornJ VIP Extreme Gold

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    2th decay looked at her.
     
  11. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Notable Member VIP

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  12. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Notable Member VIP

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    They had an ebaby. :yay:
     
  13. VarmintSam

    VarmintSam Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    nailed it
     
  14. Dream Theater

    Dream Theater DAWGS E-BULLY Squad Gold

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    That would cause a miscarriage not a pregnancy.
     
  15. Danas Boyfrien

    Danas Boyfrien Trump's African American Gold

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    Perhaps banging a pregnant chick was on Joseph's bucket list.
     
  16. wife is a whore

    wife is a whore Stripped of POTY for butthurting staff VIP

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    Some other whore spit god's load into her cunt, or backsplash from anal.
     
  17. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    Alien insemination. :grad:
     
  18. Mr. Potato Head

    Mr. Potato Head ~Would Like to Play~ Gold

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    Joseph was not young. He was much older than Mary.
     
  19. DarkFriday

    DarkFriday Fired as a MOD...Twice. Gold

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  20. newcastlefan

    newcastlefan גֵּרְשֹׁם VIP

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    he was young enough that he was still expected and obligated to father a large family.

    and Jesus couldn't have been their only child. He was of the line of David, royalty. Mary and Jacob was therefore also royalty. marriages were arranged by the community back then. Since jesus became an essene rabbi their family had to be cohanim (highest priest class, orthodoxy). no cohanim royal baby is born in an unsanctified manger. no cohanim would have one child and be respected in the community: joseph had to have a big family. today the avg for them is 10 kids; back in jesus' time if his first wife was incapable of bearing sufficient kids, he would have taken a second wife to keep up his end (just as moses and abraham had).

    as royalty joseph had a communal, cultural imperative and responsibility to fuck his dick off with his wife to make lots of kids.