How do you deal with Jehovah's witnesses knocking on your door?

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by chapped, Dec 6, 2014.

  1. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    So for the first time since buying my house I had Jehovah's witness knock on my door
    (I have a small no soliciting sign on my front door)
    I was upstairs looked out my living room and said outloud

    'Oh shit its the stupid, fucking Jehovah's witness'

    before realizing that one of the windows was open.... they looked up but I leaped for my couch
    as if ISIS had thrown a live grenade in front of me....
    luckily I made it out of sight before they could see me...

    I could hear them yell 'Hello... Hello... '
    Needless to say I allowed the German Shepherd and Giant Schnauzer bark at the front door until they left
     
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  2. ItsAWholeThing

    ItsAWholeThing Well-Known Member

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    I whip out my cock and start strokin,works every time
     
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  3. gotnolife

    gotnolife Well-Known Member Banned User

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    I always ask them if they want to buy drugs or join in the orgy.
     
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  4. meanredhed

    meanredhed Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    I live on a Rural road and we get them about once every couple of months. We have a Jehovah phone chain that we use to warn each other. The last time they came (with a little kid for fuck's sake) they started at my end so I didn't get a warning. I was in the kitchen baking something and they kept knocking at my sliding door. I was in plain sight and my 2 dogs were barking like crazy at them but I didn't even look up. They knocked for about 5 minutes before leaving.
     
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  5. AuntDolly

    AuntDolly Musculature Gold

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    I heard this from an ex Jehovey. It always works. When you tell them not to come back, be sure to say AND DON'T PUT ME ON THE NOT-AT-HOME LIST. Very inside reference which freaks them out and they won't darken your door step again.
     
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  6. Shortwave98

    Shortwave98 A-Number 1 Banned User

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    Tell em I'm a devil worshiper.
     
  7. meanredhed

    meanredhed Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    or that you work in a blood bank
     
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  8. GaryPuppet

    GaryPuppet Well-Known Member

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    I see these fuckers coming since their church is right around the corner from where I live.

    I hear their car doors slamming when they arrive and park on the side.

    So i close the privacy gate that has a "private property. No one beyond this gate" sign on it.

    Then for good measure i tie the dog up in atrium behind the wall to scare the
    living shit out of them if they decide to come thru any way and pass off their mumbo jumbo pamphlets.
     
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  9. Limo Wreck

    Limo Wreck Aboard the great mothership Staff Member

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    They usually make eye contact with my Husky, hand me a flyer and head for the hills.
     
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  10. ItsAWholeThing

    ItsAWholeThing Well-Known Member

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    I dated one for a month who broke free from the cult,she was a freak.It seemed like she was making up for lost time all holes where a go
     
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  11. SomerSky

    SomerSky Obsessed with what I hate Banned User

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    So there is in fact one good thing about living in NYC... Never saw one of these things....
     
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  12. Head Censor

    Head Censor Turgid Member VIP

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    If I see them working the block, I just won't answer my door. But on the rare occasion I'm not paying attention and they catch me, I tell them I'm not the owner and I'm just working at this residence. Works every time.
     
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  13. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    have you ever tried opening he door with your cock out and pretending like you don't realized its out there?
     
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  14. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    #anal
     
  15. potroast

    potroast Well-Known Member

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    I thank them for caring about me and take one of their tracts. They're witnessing, it's how they get in to heaven.

    Last bunch I ran across was using a wireless tablet to keep track of their route so I warned them about going to the places that I do on the internet and we all laughed up a storm.

    30 seconds out of my life, ain't no thing.

    :cool:
     
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  16. Shortwave98

    Shortwave98 A-Number 1 Banned User

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    There ain't no lost time with that bunch. My neighbors used to be in that church and she said there was a lot of wacky sex stuff going on there.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2014
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  17. Dan

    Dan Do you like my car?

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    Back when I had roommates I would have a little fun. Dumb ass roommate would always answer the door. While they were chatting I would start screaming from the back of the house "call the police! I'm being raped against my will!!!!" Crack myself up.
     
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  18. LaserT

    LaserT You have to have fun. Gold

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    I offer them a glass of blood.
     
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  19. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    #teenanal
     
  20. ItsAWholeThing

    ItsAWholeThing Well-Known Member

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    #anything