How Do You Tell Your Parents its Time?

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Beths Arab, Dec 24, 2013.

  1. Beths Arab

    Beths Arab Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    My mom is pushing 80 and lives by herself.
    She's on every kind of medication you can think of and nods off all the time, even while driving.
    I'm worried about her constantly and her craziness is really ruining my life, financially and otherwise.
    Lately I've been trying to introduce the subject of a partial care facility but she just freaks out and accuses me of trying to get rid of her, bad son etc.
    I own the house she lives in and i've really bent over backwards for the last 20 years or so to take care of her financial problems and health issues but its getting to the point where its starting to take me down too.
    I realise that no matter what I do i'm going to be an asshole but any advice on how to soften the blow and get this done would be appreciated.
     
  2. MyLazyHand

    MyLazyHand Russia and France Know What to Do

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    ObamaCare will take care of your problem.
     
  3. koclem

    koclem .|..O..|. VIP Banned User

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  4. Beths Arab

    Beths Arab Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    :D
     
  5. datchguy

    datchguy New Member Banned User

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    Tell her these are the facts, there's no nice way of putting it to her, so just put it to her.
     
  6. Gromit

    Gromit New Member

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    I had to do this with my Grandmother (she was my primary caretaker, so the brunt of the responsibility fell on me). She was certainly not happy about it, but I was in a similar situation as you and expressed it. Like, the stress I felt every day about something happening to her, or me not being able to get to her in time if she had another stroke (She had one and no one found her for like 5 hours). I also assured her that I would still visit her as much as I've always had, and still do - at least 3 times a week.

    We shopped around and had a good place. She hated it (and sort of hated me) for the first year but now she loves it. She has her friends there now, and appreciates the extra support she gets.

    I think at the end of the day it's sort of a band-aid situation, ya know?
     
  7. PI Nate

    PI Nate Disenfranchised since 1984... Gold

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    Move her in with you, enjoy her while she's here. I lost both of my parents this year and I wish I could still hear them complaining...:facepalm:
     
  8. skytzoboy

    skytzoboy not a fuck to give

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    :spit:
     
  9. balloon knot

    balloon knot Well-Known Member

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    you have the complete opposite. my mother is in great health physical and mental (94 years old) about 3 years ago she "needed" to be in a nursing home. she wouldn't have anything to do with assisted living. she was still driving etc at the time. now she's in the nursing home and is one of the very few that is allowed outside on her own. she had her mind made up. the only thing i can suggest is bring her to an assisted living facility or even better have her friends etc who are in one start talking up one. people can be very thickheaded, especially when one's child is trying to show the way. it's difficult
     
  10. Gromit

    Gromit New Member

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    I considered doing this, but I still worried about her being alone while I was at work :/
     
  11. BuffaloTom

    BuffaloTom Closed By User Banned User

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    Sign her up for a trip to the Bunny Ranch, then order her a steak dinner.
     
  12. datchguy

    datchguy New Member Banned User

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    :console:
     
  13. queerface

    queerface Un-engaged Dyke Gold

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    This is a tough position to be in, Arab. My 72 year old mother currently lives in a senior home with others of her ilk, but as she ages and her emphysema gets worse, I think about how things are going to go down. I've debated moving her in with me, but as much as I love her, she is a PAIN IN THE ASS. A fantastic, wonderful, lovely, pain in the ass, but a pain in the ass regardless.

    Pi Nate gave me something to chew on though when he mentioned losing both parents and how he'd take them both in if he had them.

    Regardless...I have no wisdom to bestow upon you. Just wanted to commiserate and let you know you're not alone.
     
  14. illini fan

    illini fan New Member VIP

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    :jj:
     
  15. R.P. McMurphy

    R.P. McMurphy Well-Known Member

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    ...my mom will be 90 this march. she was getting forgetful, fell down a couple of times so my brother took her to vegas for a "vacation" and kept her there. hes well off so she has her own home there provided by him with himself my niece and nephew and a hired hand take her around when she wants to get out. she didnt want to go there, my dad is buried in the town she lived in and she 'didnt want to leave him'. im the black sheep so my dad could be laying in vegas now for all i know.

    in your case maybe you can just hire someone to hang out with her during the day so shes not alone. someone to take her to bingo games or senior centers where she can socialize. that doesnt work all that well with my mom since shes sofa king bitter she cant get along with anybody. i got so tired of her condescending attitude i havent spoken to her in going on 4 years now. my brother thinks hes the golden child so i just take care of my own kids and grandkids and he can play hero and thump his chest about how much better he is than _____ fill in the blank.

    unless you can move your mom closer to where you can supervise her like a child maybe a daytime companion who knows how to deal with the elderly is worth a shot. just try to be patient and tell her you love her every chance you get, you dont want to wish later on that you wish you had. there are organizations who help children of the elderly get thru these kinds of things with suggestions and maybe even financial help i.e. subsidized care giving.
    good luck
     
  16. Joe Bauers

    Joe Bauers Well-Known Member

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    Do what I did , let her move in with your sister .
     
  17. PI Nate

    PI Nate Disenfranchised since 1984... Gold

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    This is sound advice...:up:
     
  18. queerface

    queerface Un-engaged Dyke Gold

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    I've often considered adopting a foreign child, and raising it so she/he could take care of my family and myself when I get old(er).
     
  19. Wigward Hairhat

    Wigward Hairhat Active Member

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  20. illini fan

    illini fan New Member VIP

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    I'm not a big fan of parents relying on their kids 100% when they get old and have problems...Parents are responsible for their kids...not the other way around...

    ..That being said, I sympathize with your situation...especially if your mom has no friends outside the family at her age...In short, there are no easy answers...I just wish you good luck whatever you decide...