A couple of months ago I went on a date with like the hottest girl ever, whom I had met on tinder. She's 20, half thai/half norwegian, and goes to the same college as me. Obviously, I was nervous as fuck, but we met up at a bar and I bought her drinks, and I think we were there for 4 hours I think before it started to get lait. She only lives about 10 minutes from my place, which wasn't far from the bar we were at, so I walked her home, got her number, and said bye. I kept thinking I had blown everything because I had been boring on the date and hadn't flirted at all or done anything to escalate the situation, and as I was talking to my phone telling him about the date, she texted me thanking me for the nice evening. I texted her back saying the same and that I wanted to see her again. Ok so that was 2 months ago, and in that time we had exams, so we couldnt meet up, but we'd text a bit on and off (although really not much). The point is, I was almost 100% sure she had lost interest, but I tried one last time to invite her over for dinner, and to my surprise, she said yes. She also added me on facebook, so I obviously checked out her profile and her pictures, and I couldn't believe a girl as beautiful as her was coming over to my place for a second date. So the 2nd date was the tuesday before last, so around 2 weeks ago...and here's where everything went horribly wrong. I decided we'd make home made pizza (I dont want any fucking jokes about it), but for the first time I decided to make the dough myself and also the sauce, so everything was home-made. I'm nervous, of course, that I'm going to fuck it up, but my sister was explaining to me on the phone how to do everything, and it seemed simple enough. My hands are covered in dough and suddenly my phone buzzes from a new text message. It's from her, and she's on her way, but running a bit late. I text her back saying "Running late? Aren't we meeting at 7?" (it was just past 6). I get like 10 texts in a row but I cant take the phone because I'm kneading the fucking dough and it's all over my fingers, but finally I clean my hands and check the messages. Apparantly she was confused about the time, but she'll hang with a friend and then come over at 7. My heart starts racing. Oh my god, the date is in under an hour. WTF am I going to do, and why am I suddenly feeling insanely nervous and anxious? This date had been like 2 fucking months in the making. I'm cleaning my apartment like a madman, I'm not sure if the dough I made is going to work, and I'm running dangerously low on time. Just before 7 she texts me asking for directions to my apartment entrance, I explain her how to find it, and somehow manage to give her the wrong address (which I didn't realize until the next day). Of course she has some trouble finding it because of that, but suddenly the front door buzzer goes off, and I let her into the building. When I see her at my door, I immediately become 10x more anxious than I already was. The stiff rum and coke I downed 10 minutes earlier to calm my nerves has left me feeling anxious and slightly tipsy for some fucking weird reason. She's 100% cool and calm. I walk her to the kitchen area and say we're making pizza, and she's all like "ok cool do we have dough and stuff?" and I'm like yeah I prepared some things already. The problem is that my words are coming out slurred, my brain is fogging like Froggy's car windows when he's in his car eating a subway sandwich and jerking off, and I can't think of anything to say. I'm just in 100% nervous wreck mode, and there's no way she doesn't notice. She's just so calm, it made me feel terrible. She even like leans towards me and enters my personal space a few times, and I almost become paralyzed. I open a bottle of wine, pour us a glass each, and we get on with the pizza. The conversation isn't going well because I can't concentrate for fucking shit, because I'm just overthinking stuff, and I keep embarrassing myself in weird ways, like I tried to open a balsamic bottle, you know how they have wrapping around the cap, well I'm so nervous and afraid of looking dumb, I get stuck trying to get the wrapping off. She takes the bottle from me and effortlessly rips the plastic off. I nervously laugh as my brain erupts in flames. I'm also being very self-deprecating, because I think it's just what I do when I get nervous, mostly as a joke, but I know girls hate that because they want a guy who's confident and doesn't put himself down and look like he can't do shit. So I was saying I probably fucked up the pizza dough, the pizza sauce, and we're making this glazed onion thingy, and I'm telling her I'll probably fuck that up too. We put the pizza in the oven, the conversation is still going horribly, and she sits on my couch and asks if we're going to watch a movie. Fuck, that's a terrible sign At that point I think well I guess she must have caught on that I wasn't going to be able much in terms of a conversation that evening, so I just say sure, any suggestions? Of course she doesn't have any, and I don't fucking know why, but I suggest Scott Pilgrim VS the World. I say it's a pretty funny movie and we decide to watch the trailer on youtube. That's when I realize my horrible mistake. The movie is about an incredibly awkward guy in a band who wants to get with a girl. Meanwhile I'm standing there, my guitars and bass are propped up against the wall behind me, and I realize how insanely awkward it is for us to be watching this trailer that I fucking suggested, because it's basically me in the trailer! Jesus christ. After it ends she goes "eh it looks kinda.." and I go "Yeah, actually let's not see that, it seems incredibly awkward". So she says she wants to see something like Inception, and I suggest The Prestige. She hasn't seen it, and given Bowie just died, and he has a small part in it, I say ok lets watch that. Movie starts up and there's about a foot between us on the couch. When the pizza's ready, I get it out of the oven, slice it up, and we both give it a try. She says it's a success and tastes good, and I of course say it's OK but I should have done it better (fucking retarded). Movie goes back on. I'm crying inside as we're watching, because she's so beautiful and I haven't been able to be myself at all on this date. I feel like such a fucking failure. My dreams are crumbling before my eyes, and it's all my fault, because I'm too nervous to fucking fix the situation. I fucked everything up. Towards the end of the movie, I realize she's actually moved a bit closer to me, and she's slowly sort of leaning towards me. Eventually she's basically resting her head on my lap sorta, and I'm sitting there like a corpse just watching the movie. My heart was still beating though; I'm pretty sure the whole couch was shaking because of it. "PUT YOUR FUCKING ARM AROUND HER" I kept thinking over and over again. 10 min pass, and she sort of sits up again. Fucking blew it... But she leans down again. This time I swallow hard, and put my arm around her. I was expecting her to either look up at me, or maybe grab my leg or something, so that we could start making out, but she just stays still. So now suddenly we're sitting there like an old couple, my arm is around her, my heart is beating out of my chest, and my brain is melting out of confusion and embarrassment. And then the movie ends. I take my arm off her and we both sit back up. She says she's really tired, and asks if I am, and I'm like no not really (it's 11am), and she goes oh..and starts talking about how she has class at 11 the next day so she should probably go. I'm so exhausted I just go "ok yeah" and we sit there for a few seconds in awkward silence before she suddenly jumps up and walks over to the front door to get dressed. I follow after and when she's ready to leave, she just looks at me, and I'm standing there looking back at her. "Wtf is happening now, am I supposed to kiss her or something????" my brain, feeling raped and destroyed, starts firing off confused messages again. Literally 5-10 seconds pass where we're just looking at each other and I go "So yeah, umm..bye" and she just laughs and turns around and walks out. Another quick awkward thing happens, because the elevator is right outside my door, so I stand at the door, wonder if I should wait for the elevator, decide not to, and just go "ok um bye" one more time (lol) before awkwardly closing the door. I wanted to jump out the fucking window. I've been severely depressed for almost 2 weeks because of it, but I'm starting to feel better now. Haven't been able to sleep at night, I've just been feeling anxious and restless, and I can't forgive myself for fucking it up. I fucked up my chances to be with the perfect girl for me..my first chance in 4 years or something.