WTF How to tell if your woman is a dyke

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by MilkyDischarge, Feb 24, 2016.

  1. MilkyDischarge

    MilkyDischarge Se suelto el diablo Gold

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    Anyone worried?

    Is She a Lesbian? – 6 Clear Signs to Know for Sure!
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    While the best way to know if someone is a lesbian is to ask, you can also count on your own senses to deduce if a girl is actually into other girls.
    If Spiderman has this so called Spidey-sense, gays have Gaydars! It’s the amazing ability to sense a homosexual nearby, without the need of any obvious indications. But what if you are at a party and there is this woman you are really attracted to. You find her drop dead gorgeous, and you’re probably wondering if you have a shot at getting into her pants. You think she is into you but you are not sure. You want to find out if she is of the same kind but unfortunately your Gaydar S-U-C-K-S. What will you do then?

    Remember that there are no hard and fast rules and certainly no accurate online lesbian tests to determine if a person is Lizzie the Lezzy or not. The best, simplest and not to mention foolproof way to find out if she is gay or nay or potentially interested is basically to ask her. [Read: Why do guys love it when two women make out?]

    What are the signs she’s a lesbian?

    Yes, if you think you are brave enough, then ask her straight. Just be sure to have a pretty thick face, lest it be met with a backhand slap. But hey, look at the brighter side. She might actually be a lesbian who’s delighted by your inquiry! But of course, it may be easier for you shyer types out there to deduce, instead of outright asking. Here’s how you can do that.

    Disclaimer: Do not instantly assume that she is a lesbian. Even if she is, never assume that she is attracted to you. Being a lesbian and being attracted are two different cosmos!

    #1 Fashion sense. We know that people do not usually wear clothes with tags showing their sexual preferences. Although gays in general are known to have a flamboyant and proud fashion sense. Still, some are naturally not this showy. Nevertheless, there are still dead giveaway tomboy styles that may convince you she’s gay.

    Rainbow inspired accessories like anklets, bracelets, earrings, rings or even rainbow bumper stickers could be reliable clues that she is a lesbian. Yet, it is also likely that she is just an advocate of gay rights. Choice of lesbian apparel is also quite similar to straight females. But remember that lesbians don’t wear these clothes like straight girls do.

    For example, a straight girl can wear a baseball cap and still be as straight and “homophobic” as Jessica Simpson. But if she wears it snap back or sideways like Amber of Amber’s Closet does, then she maybe a lesbian.

    Suits and ties are technically androgynous these days, but suit and tie combos worn the way Ellen DeGeneres or Kate Moennig does are undeniably of a lesbian vibe. Other telltale wardrobe signs that she might be into girls include low-slung pants with “intentional” peeking boxers, little boy shorts or Calvin Klein briefs, lazy jumpers, trendy fitted blazers, Superdry jackets, band shirts and cardigans paired with Converse, Dr Martens, Vans, flat boots or pointed leather shoes matched with a feminine coat and tie set, a la Bette Porter.

    Brands like Androgyny, Original Tomboy, Veer NYC, Tomboy Tailors and Wildfang are also undoubtedly helpful in spotting lezzies.

    Nota bene: Lesbians, especially bisexuals and femmes, can also dress like hot-jaw-dropping-chicks. Case in point: Angelina Jolie. Do not be easily deceived! Spot ‘em cautiously!

    #2 Hairstyle. Everyone is entitled to wear a hairstyle of their own choosing, but there are some haircuts that are too lesbo to be mistaken.

    One, straight women will probably not wear a faux hawk or a Mohawk. So if you see this cut, instincts will tell you that she is definitely a lesbian. Two, short hair is suspicious, but not at all times gay, so be careful in judging this type. Three, unless she is modeling in a futuristic-themed fashion event, an anime character or unless she is into Cosplay, applying too much hair gel is absolutely not an option for straight girls.

    A girl with a barber’s cut or a military cut with too much gel in it is typically 80% lesbian, save those enlisted in the army. Fourth, Bieber-ish and messy bob cuts coupled with the Nirvana smiley shirt, hoodie, Vans, DC and penny boards are also good indicators of “I am a lesbian so deal with it” fashion sense.

    And last but not the least, asymmetrical cuts or idontgiveaf*ckanymore-hairstyles and shaved heads are also positive lezzie signs. Well, possible exceptions are: she just broke up with her boyfriend, she is in the middle of a life crisis, she is into pills, drugs or part of Britney’s fans club. Otherwise, she might be gay.

    Nota bene: Not all sexually attracted to women have any of these hairstyles but more often than not, those who do are Lesbos!

    #3 Mannerisms. First, is she doing the bad-ass-lez-sitting-position? Does she tend to spread her legs more than necessary while sitting, as if she has a willy between her legs? Second, does she walk like a dude? She is most likely a lesbian, if she walks with slouched shoulders as if trying to hide her bosom, with legs set apart and in a slightly slow half-bouncing pace as if her shoes are all with built-in air pumps.

    Third, is she a loyal practitioner of the flirtatious dyke smile? Of course, you know how to do the fatal dyke smile! It is a fusion of sustained eye contact, tilted head and restrained smile. You still don’t get it? Do not worry you will know it when you see it! Likewise, is she guilty of doing the lingering stare that is longer than usual?

    If your answers are ardent yesses then one can assume that she is gay. Other noticeable lesbo habits are excessive lip licking in between conversations, touchy hands, sitting slightly too near, frequent nose touching and the list goes on and on.

    Nota bene: Admit it, ladies. Some are just plain mannerisms or worse, mere wishful thinking. Don’t push it!

    #4 Short fingernails. This one is self-explanatory! It is highly unlikely for you to have sex with a woman with long and sharp finger nails. So unless pain gives you pleasure, look for lesbians whose nails are short and trimmed. If the lady you’re eyeing has half-inch long ones, she’s definitely not a lesbian!

    Nota bene: If her nails are long but she seems gay, check at least her middle finger and/or her index finger. These are the ‘working fingers’ so to speak. If these two are trimmed, chances are she may be gay. Fake nails or nail extensions are a no-no. If you see these, she’s probably straighter than a ruler!

    #5 Lifestyle. Some lesbians are plain friendly, but most lesbians are ultimately sociable! They are fun to be with. They are theoretically the life of every party. There’s something about lesbians that makes them like to hang out in groups, in clusters or at least in pairs. They have a network of some sort that grows in number every day. Therefore, if you see her hanging out with a large pool of obvious Lesbos, then she is probably gay as well.

    However, it could be that she’s partying with a lot of straight looking girls and boys. But observe how she greets or gazes at lesbos or chickas passing through their table, because that lustful glance just might give her away.

    Location is always an unswerving hint. Is she a regular attendee of lesbian organized events or lez hot spots? Does she dream of moving and settling down at P-town in Massachusetts or San Francisco? Do her ultimate travel destinations include Amsterdam, Rio de Janerio, Miami or Long Beach in Cali? If yes, CONGRATULATIONS! You spotted a Lezzy!

    Interests are also suggestive of sexuality. Is she into soccer, football, mixed martial arts? Does she listen to Tegan and Sarah, Brandie Carlile, Beth Ditto, Sam Smith or London’s SAVAGES? Is she good with automotives or carpentry? Feel free to ask about her YouTube subscriptions. Is she a subscriber of more than two lesbian channels? Can you connect yourself to her in less than three of your lesbian friends on Facebook? More notably, do her all time favourite movies include Bound (1996), Saving Face (2005) and Paris was a Woman (1996)? If you’ve been consistently muttering “yes” under your breath, then no questions asked, she’s gay! [Read: Top 10 female fantasies you’re sure to enjoy]

    Nota bene: Ask her if she likes Grey’s Anatomy and who her favourite character is. If she says Callie or Arizona then winner, winner, chicken dinner! Lezzie just spotted!

    #6 Conversation. Is she talking about the last episode of Glee, Ellen DeGeneres, L-word, Modern Family, gay pride or same-sex marriage? Is she using gender-friendly pronouns when talking about someone she likes? Examine how she reacts to gender sensitive issues, or at least monitor her facial reactions and gestures.

    Lesbians tend to move a lot while talking. They are expressive and artistic in many different ways including speaking. Does she make use of lesbian slangs and terminologies like chapstick, Doris Day, fish and chips, beat, bean flicker, andro, boi? B-I-N-G-O! Lez alert!

    Alright, so that’s about it, fellows! Just remember that these are just intuitions, hunches, inklings or clues. It is very possible for someone to break all these things and still be gay. If you are in doubt, follow your instincts. Ask yourself. WHAT DOES YOUR GUT TELL YOU? If your gut tells you she’s Lizzie the Lezzie, then she probably is.
     
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  2. Mr Fantastic

    Mr Fantastic Found Nemo VIP

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  3. Slow

    Slow All The Pieces Matter DawgShed News

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    Cheat sheet: if she has short spiked hair she is a dyke
     
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  4. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    The friendly part is the game story. At least if you're a guy. The queer team we had in high school, all the lesbians were anti social angry people. They even hated straight girls.
     
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  5. SorryBoff

    SorryBoff Well-Known Member

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    Short hair, pant suits and cankles should be in the top 10.
     
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  6. AcquiringSignal

    AcquiringSignal Girthy VIP

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    She turns you down when asking for a date. Full on dyke. :coffee:
     
  7. Dick Fitzwell

    Dick Fitzwell Opinions are like assholes ... and so am I

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    If she comes home with breath smelling of Long John Silver's
     
  8. Bristol Chicken

    Bristol Chicken Free Range and Loving It Gold

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    Though not 100% accurate, there are certain visual cues I use to make my assessments.

    [​IMG]
     
  9. BooeyBanana

    BooeyBanana Well-Known Member

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    Any jr. high or High school Female PE teacher...
     
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  10. Abner Devereaux

    Abner Devereaux Well-Known Member

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    all chicks are in the very least bi
     
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  11. HowieStearn

    HowieStearn HateClub

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    if she's wearing a plaid flannel shirt, baggy jeans, black work shoes, and has a chain attached to the wallet in her back pocket, shes def not lez :doh:
     
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  12. Jayla

    Jayla Ou ai-je l'esprit? Gold

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    I totally agree about #5. Those lesbians know how to chat a person up!
     
  13. ScottBaiosPenis

    ScottBaiosPenis Well-Known Member

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    It's easy, just look at her tongue









    If its stuck in another woman's pussy its a distinct possibility.
     
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  14. Pooh bear

    Pooh bear Well-Known Member VIP

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    :no:
     
  15. God

    God Well-Known Member

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  16. MilkyDischarge

    MilkyDischarge Se suelto el diablo Gold

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    Exactly. I remember being in 1st grade and asking my mom if the gym teacher as a man or woman. She had a hairy upper lip (on her face) also, so I as genuinely confused.
     
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  17. Penelope

    Penelope VIP Extreme Gold

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    My gym teacher was the same! Couldn't figure out at 12 years old why she walked & talked like...a man.
     
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  18. Rescued Owl

    Rescued Owl VIP Extreme Gold

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    [​IMG]
    When she looks at your penis and says "I wish I had one of those". She might be a lesbian.
     
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  19. HowieStearn

    HowieStearn HateClub

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    [​IMG]
    ok, fuck you. get a ruler. my dick is bigger than yours
     
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  20. Scarlett Ohara

    Scarlett Ohara VIP Extreme Gold

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    Straight man fantasy.
     
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