Howard to Kirstie Alley, about Ralph, who's on the phone: "By the way, he has a big penis. I've seen his." Robin: "Oh, you have?" Howard: "Oh yeah, I've made love to him. Oh this mic's not on, is it? We're on commercial, I hope. Oh yeah, I banged him." Robin: "You know, no matter how many times you say that, no one has ever accused you of being gay." Howard: "Oh, me? No way. You know what? You know me ... I have no problem with anyone being gay, but I'm just not that gay. I'm not gay! If I was gonna be gay -- right, Ralph? -- I would've done it with you." We all know that Howard is on his way to crowning himself the King of All LGBT Rights, and we know that he's "all man" because of his constant reminder to his audience that he has normal, non-kinky protected sex with his wife, and that he jerks off exclusively to heterosexual babysitter porn. In March of this year Howard told a gay man that he believes gay people are "the gift from God to this world," and every week he lectures his audience about gay tolerance. Yet his signature bit is to lust after a guy's cock, fantasize about a sexual encounter with the guy, then pretend to be alarmed that the microphone is on. He never misses an opportunity to ask a guest about the length of his penis, and he drools over the thought of a 9-incher. He re-introduced the Homo Room bit this year, where he takes a male guest to a dungeon where the two men say gay things to one another, in lispy affectations. (He renamed it the Homosexual Room, because he thinks this somehow makes him appear more evolved.) He kissed Howie Mandel on the lips this season on AGT, then claimed that he was so traumatized he had to kiss his wife just to try and calm down his sweaty "chemical reaction" to kissing a man. Really, what the fuck is going on with this guy? It's not funny, it's not fun, and it's not normal behavior for a person comfortable with his own sexuality.