(this needed it's own thread, and I am not the creator of this) Step 1. Spend 25 years brutally bashing celebrities for being self-absorbed, humorless attention whores. Send out stuttering assholes to torment them anytime they step onto a red carpet or promote a vanity “charity” project. Goof relentlessly on old idiots with fake hair, Chiclets for teeth, contrived costumes for clothes, and elitist attitudes and habits. Devote your entire career during that time and your entire persona to the fight for “free speech” against the FCC. Rant and rave against radio management for “ruining my show” with too many commercials. Express outrage at the lack of “integrity” of shows that permit product placements. Step 2. Routinely tell millions of people that other people’s wives are “horse-faces” and “fidgets” and “butherfaces”; pray that other people’s little kids become gay junkies; and play (replay, and re-replay) daily clips from TV shows that are so bad they’re almost good. Destroy competing disc-jockeys for promoting the stupid vanity bullshit of their talentless wives and for shilling their stupid books and other shit in their shows. Call them out for using ghostwriters to “write” their books. Step 3. Call out your competitors for “doing a disservice” to their audiences because they don’t work 5 days a week. Repeat that mantra countless times on the air and on guest appearances on TV. Call out idiots in the entertainment industry for being untalented bags of shit who got lucky in the looks department. Spend your whole 6th decade of life glued to some hair that got ripped off a Third-World person’s head. Crow about all your charitable work for the NSAL from under that hair hat and show up to NSAL events wearing leather and carrying obscenely expensive leather purses and manpurses. Step 4. Start taking up all the hobbies and habits that you spent endless hours tearing other people new assholes for. Get super busy buying Eurotrash clothes for teens with a know-nothing creepy fuck who has been caught stealing money from poker tables and at dinner tables and who makes Kato Kaelin look like a Nobel laureate. Insert clauses into all contracts establishing that creepy fuck’s importance to provide him a lifetime salary for nothing and establishing the “paramount” importance of the rest of the ’round-the-clock looks maintenance team that you employ on the dime of your TV show. Refer to all that vain shit as “evolution” instead of admitting it and just allowing it to generate some harmless humor and goofing at your expense in the spirit of what your show used to be about for 25+ years. Step 5. Refuse to allow the same sources of humor that used to be organic to your show by letting a psychotic cunt opt out of uncomfortable conversations even though she contributes nothing else of value to your show. When she embarrasses herself all by herself on the air over something ridiculous and walks off the show, refuse to allow any comment on it on your show or on any other show on your 2 channels. Pretend it never happened. Bore us with Ralph’s “input” daily but then hold back on the one thing he did that got him banned from your home. Reference it regularly, always declining to discuss it, and invite Ralph to do it himself for the 10th time. Bore us with Benjy’s endless unfunny shtick but even let him opt out of conversations about a photograph taken of exactly the way that idiot chooses to present himself in public at your party. Keep replaying the “No more Bullshit” mantra during commercials.