Howard Stern the lost projects

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by chapped, Feb 3, 2015.

  1. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    In light of Howard's new scripted project here is a list of shit he never did

    Credit to @NotMyBro


    http://splitsider.com/2012/02/the-lost-roles-of-howard-stern/


    Hosting a late night talk show on Fox (1987)
    After Joan Rivers's disastrous late night show on Fox imploded, the network was eyeing Howard Stern to replace her. Stern filmed five one-hour pilots, each using the title The Howard Stern Show, but the network passed on the show and wouldn't make another attempt at entering the late night battleground until giving Chevy Chase a talk show in 1993. Fox has always had a weak record with late night, and although it would have been hard for Howard Stern to have done worse than Chevy Chase or Joan Rivers, challenging Johnny Carson never really paid off for anybody.

    Robocop (1987)
    Stern was offered an unspecified part in Robocop, but he turned it down, saying on the air that the movie looked stupid. After seeing the film, though, he publicly discussed how much he liked it.

    The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)
    The role: Johnny Crunch
    Who got it: Gilbert Gottfried
    Andrew Dice Clay was a frequent guest on Howard Stern’s radio show and he got Stern an audition for the first (and last) movie in which the Diceman ever starred. The director of Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Renny Harlin, opted for Gilbert Gottfried instead to play Johnny Crunch, a radio host in the film, drawing Howard Stern’s ire.

    The Adventures of Fartman (unproduced, in development circa 1992)
    The role:Fartman
    [​IMG]
    At the 1992 MTV Video Music Awards, Howard Stern appeared on stage as the character Fartman, a superhero whose extreme flatulence makes him fly. It was a character that originated in the pages of National Lampoon, but Stern expanded and developed Fartman on his radio show. Stern was planning on starring in a movie based on the character. J.F. Lawton (Pretty Woman, Under Siege) wrote the script to The Adventures of Fartman and New Line Cinema had verbally agreed to make the film, which was targeted for release in summer of 1993, but the project fell apart over script problems, Stern's unwillingness to grant the studio's wishes by making the movie PG-13, and a disagreement over merchandising rights.

    Howard Stern ended up making Private Parts as his first movie instead of Fartman, but he resurrected the project in 1999, claiming that multiple studios were interested, only to abandon it once more in favor of focusing on developing TV series.

    Sam Kinison biopic (unproduced, in development mid-90s)
    Producer
    [​IMG]Howard Stern bought the movie rights toBrother Sam, the Sam Kinison biography by Bill Kinison and Steve Delson. Stern was a big fan of Kinison’s comedy, at one point calling him "one of our generation's greatest comics." Kinison was a frequent guest on his show, and the two even had an on-air feud that they squelched relatively quickly. Stern's Sam Kinison movie never got off the ground, and he no longer holds the movie rights to Sam Kinison’s life story.

    The most recent news on the Sam Kinison
    biopic front is that director Tom Shadyac owns the rights and was set to direct a version for HBO in 2008, with Dan Fogler playing Kinison. Fogler's impressive screen test was uploaded online, but Shadyac's version of the project is also not coming together easily.

    Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
    The role: Barry Sims
    Who got it: Leo Geter
    Howard Stern was offered the part of DJ Barry Simms in this, the sixth installment of the Halloween franchise.Halloween VI, which also starred a young Paul Rudd, was a big failure and could have tarnished Stern's career if he had been involved. Stern would make his cinematic debut a couple of years later in Private Parts, but having a flop like this under his belt at that point might have made it tougher to get his own movie financed later on.

    Jane (unproduced, in development 1997)
    Stern signed on to star opposite Melanie Griffith in this independent film that would have been his follow-up toPrivate Parts. The movie ran into financing difficulties and Stern sued the production company for the $1.5 million he was promised to make the film, but he ended up settling for a $50,000 settlement.

    Dirty Work (1998)
    The role:The Devil
    Who got it: Adam Sandler
    [​IMG]Although it's only a tiny part in the Norm Macdonald movie Dirty Work, the role of the devil was offered to Howard Stern before Macdonald went to Macdonald'sSNL co-star Adam Sandler. Stern's future sidekick Artie Lange also starred in Dirty Work and Norm Macdonald and director Bob Saget were frequent guests on the radio show, so this would have been a nice opportunity for Stern to work with his friends. This was a blink-and-you-miss-it role though, so I'm guessing Howard Stern wasn't beating himself up over letting this one slip through his fingers.


    Batman Triumphant (unproduced, in development circa 1998)
    The role:Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow[​IMG]Warner Bros. execs were happy with the job Joel Schumacher was doing on Batman & Robin before it was released and hired him to direct his third Batman movie. George Clooney and Chris O'Donnell signed on to return, and the studio was rumored to be after Howard Stern to play the Scarecrow, the movie's lead villain (even though Schumacher has said he wanted Nicolas Cage). The plot also called for The Joker to return in a Scarecrow-inspired hallucination that Batman has, with Jack Nicholson rumored to be reprising his role, and the Batman: The Animated Seriescharacter Harley Quinn was going to be another villain, written as The Joker's daughter. By the time Batman & Robin was released, the movie did poorly at the box office and even worse with the press, so the studio scrapped plans for Batman Triumphant and decided to take the Batman franchise in a different direction – a direction that didn't involve Howard Stern.

    Howard Stern: The High School Years (unaired animated series, Spike TV, 2004)
    Producer
    [​IMG]Macho cable channel Spike TV signed on to produceHoward Stern: The High School Years, an animated series from Stern. Michael Cera, then just a budding actor onArrested Development, signed on to voice the titular character, a teenage version of the King of All Media. Spike ordered 13 episodes and production began, but Stern was unhappy with the look of the animation and it would have been too expensive to produce a show that looked how he wanted, so the project was scrapped altogether. I'm holding out hope that we'll get to see Michael Cera play a 20something Howard Stern someday.
     
  2. chapped

    chapped Well-Known Member

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    Other TV projects from the early 2000s:
    [​IMG]-Kane (2001-02, syndication) – This sitcom, about an eccentric Southern family, was written by Ron Zimmerman (7th Heaven, V.I.P.) and produced by Stern but never made it to air.
    -Doomsday (2000-2001, UPN) – Stern produced this animated show for UPN that was supposed to debut in 2000 but was pushed back. The plot involved two guys broadcasting a radio show from their basement in the wake of the apocalypse (with Stern voicing their dog), but the events of 9/11 made the network think twice about airing this disaster-themed show.
    -Etiquette for Outlaws (2003, Showtime) – Based on the bestselling book of the same name by Rob Cohen and David Wollock, this was a reality show project that wasn't picked up. Stern was producing the show, but little is known as to what it would have been. The book was a humorous look at unspoken social rules for fast-living degenerate guys.
    -Robert Schimmel project (2004, WB) – Howard Stern was set to produce this sitcom, created by and starring his frequent guest, the late great Robert Schimmel. The proposed show was based around Schimmel’s experiences beating cancer and then falling in love with his daughter’s friend. The WB network, in its final days at the time, chose not to commit to the series.

    Man of the Year (2006)
    The role:Tom Dobbs
    Who got it: Robin Williams
    [​IMG]Howard Stern was offered two movie roles in 2005 that he had to turn down because he was busy transitioning his show from terrestrial to satellite radio. The first was the lead in director Barry Levinson’s Man of the Year, a comedy about a late night talk show host who runs for president and wins. Stern would have been a nice fit for the movie since it kind of mirrors his real life gubernatorial run in 1994.

    School for Scoundrels (2006)
    The role:Dr. P
    Who got it: Billy Bob Thornton
    [​IMG]Howard Stern’s commitment to his new satellite show also forced him to turn down a role in Todd Phillips’s remake of the 1960 British comedy School for Scoundrels. When Stern couldn’t play the instructor of a class that teaches dweeby guys to be more confident, Phillips went with Billy Bob Thornton instead.

    Transformers (2007)
    Stern was offered the chance to voice the character Frenzy (a radio) in the big-screen adaptation of Transformers, but he passed when his agent talked him out of it.

    American Idol (2010)
    The role:Judge
    Who got it: Steven Tyler
    [​IMG]When Simon Cowell announced he was leaving American Idol in 2010, the show’s producers began chasing Howard Stern to take his place. Stern entered into talks to join the program and considered leaving his radio show to do so. Stern commented on the talks on his radio show, saying, "There's not a better job on the planet than judging that karaoke contest" and "If I do say so myself, I can't imagine anyone but me replacing [Simon Cowell]." He would have been a fit replacement for Simon Cowell, filling the role of the outspoken, offensive guy, but he wasn't able to close the deal and the producers went with the much safer choice of Steven Tyler instead. Stern signed on to judge another reality competition show, America’s Got Talent, this past year and his episodes on the show will begin airing this summer.

    Remaking Rock ‘n’ Roll High School and Porky’s (unproduced, in development, 2002-ongoing)
    Producer
    [​IMG]Howard Stern bought the movie rights to remake two beloved late 70s/early 80s teen films, Rock ‘n’ Roll High School and Porky’s, under aHoward Stern Presentslabel, but neither project has made much progress since first being announced. ThePorky’s remake has hit some legal snags, with another entity claiming to have bought the rights before Stern, but Stern was working on it last year and it looks like it might still be happening. It’s been a decade since the project was announced and no cast or director have been announced, so it looks like it could fall apart at any moment. Little news has surfaced about the Rock ‘n’ Roll High School remake, since it was announced to be in Stern's hands in 2008, and it doesn't seem to be a project that he's actively pursuing.

    Bradford Evans is a writer living in Los Angeles.
     
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  3. reno

    reno VIP Extreme Gold

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    Howard can't act. I thought he sucked in private parts and he played himself.
     
  4. Uncle Larry

    Uncle Larry Well-Known Member VIP

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    broccoli rob and chapped like this.
  5. mape

    mape Well-Known Member

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    Other lost projects;
    - marrying a woman
    - being a dad
    - comedy
    - self respect
    - dignity
    -being a man
    :giggle:
     
    Caffeinated, JameGumb and chapped like this.
  6. N Copter

    N Copter Shot Dead Banned User

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    I don't know that I believe in 1/5th of his bullshit when it comes to the stuff he claims he turned down.
     
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  7. Limo Wreck

    Limo Wreck Aboard the great mothership Staff Member

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    Porky’s (unproduced, in development, 2002-ongoing)
    [​IMG]
     
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  8. Beth143nacho

    Beth143nacho Well-Known Member VIP

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    I thought you said Howard was lost in the projects...
     
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  9. yaddc

    yaddc Well-Known Member

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    Is he doing fart man
     
  10. broccoli rob

    broccoli rob thanks for the memories DW3

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    1990
    MOVIE: The Adventures of Ford Fairlane


    Frequent guest Andrew Dice Clay landed the starring role in the movie "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane" and while it was being cast offered Howard a part as a DJ right on the air during Howard's show. Howard accepted and showed enthusiasm in being in his first major Hollywood movie. This all came to an end when Howard met with the movie's director Renny Harlin and was turned down for the part. The day after Howard came into the studio an angry man blasting the film's director and putting Clay on a shit list he never quite got off of. According to Howard's story he was brought into a hotel room to meet Harlin who then boasted that he was going to direct "Alien III". After the brief talk Harlin introduced Howard to the casting director who took him to another room for a line reading. After Howard read the lines to the casting director he was turned down for the part. Howard felt that Harlin was obnoxious and was angry that he never even bothered to give him a proper screen test or watch his line reading. Ultimately the part of the DJ was given to Gilbert Gottfried. When the film came out Howard declared it one of the worst films in history and it's director Renny Harlin a hack who did not understand comedy.
     
  11. killallposers

    killallposers VIP Extreme Gold

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    90% of the rumors were started by Howard. Has there been any evidence he was actually in serious talks with American Idol, because if not, I don't believe it. If anything, he went to them and couldn't sucker them into biting.
     
  12. broccoli rob

    broccoli rob thanks for the memories DW3

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  13. Captain

    Captain Alto, Blanco y Guapo Gold

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    Well, the world is glad this endless pile of shit was never committed to celluloid.

    Even when I was a fan, 95% of those "projects" struck me as just plain stupid. Private Parts made sense as a movie in a Hallmark Channel sort of way. On the other hand, Fartman is too stupid for words: a SNL skit that would have become ponderous at 90 minutes. Hell, I tried to like Son of the Beach, but Howard's humour was outdated even by that point.
     
  14. oski

    oski Jump For Cock

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    Anyone who thinks he turned down batman is a fucking idiot. Only things he's ever been offered are playing himself or a shock jock.
     
  15. Ipokesmot

    Ipokesmot Well-Known Member Banned User

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    Sirius/XM.....
     
  16. Shithead

    Shithead Well-Known Member

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    That list would barely fit on a roll of toilet paper, which is where it should be