Howard's Back Pain, Homosexuality, and Their Cure

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Benjamen, May 18, 2015.

  1. Benjamen

    Benjamen Well-Known Member

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    Howard began today's show saying he's battling back pain again, which he claims in the book Miss America that he conquered in the early '90s thanks to Dr. Sarno. He has since gone on to say on record that back pain and homosexuality are identical, and that he knows Dr. Sarno can cure both.

    Here's a quick rundown, excerpted from Miss America.

    [​IMG]

    Back in the '90s, when Howard visited Dr. Sarno at the NYU Medical Center to get treatment for his debilitating back and shoulder pain, he was evaluated and told, "There's nothing wrong with your shoulder and there's nothing wrong with your back." It was all in his head, Sarno told him. Howard's prescription: read Sarno's very thin book about tricks the mind plays to distract you from psychological issues (including causing back pain), and attend two of his lectures.

    After attending his first lecture, Howard had a conversation with himself in his bedroom that night. He said to himself, "Your mind was distracting you -- keeping you from thinking about your career, your fears, your future." He writes, "As soon as these thoughts entered my head, in that split second, the OCD just went. It was gone. Flew right the fuck out the window to who the fuck knows where. ... I still couldn't tell [Alison] about the OCD, but I knew it was gone forever."

    (Remember, Howard diagnosed himself with OCD -- and conquered it -- to sell Miss America. He didn't address OCD in Private Parts. In Miss America, Howard said nobody in his personal life even knew he suffered from it for years -- not his coworkers, not his parents, not even his wife -- despite the fact that he notoriously whines nonstop about every little ailment. Nobody knew he had it -- until he announced he'd been cured of it.)

    Hearing Howard's story about a lecture curing OCD, Dr. Sarno responded, "Gee, I never heard of anyone saying they've been cured of OCD from this."

    Howard's back pain went away just as quickly. He writes: "On the way into work that morning, my back really began acting up. I had excruciating shooting pains running up and down my back. So I started laughing. I was laughing hysterically at the pain. And in one split second, it vanished. Totally. It was gone."

    Yes, Howard claims to have cured himself of back pain by laughing at it.

    After getting out of the car, Howard told Ronnie the Limo Driver that he'd just been cured of back pain: "It just went away like that?" Ronnie asked. "Sure, whatever you say ..."

    Howard writes that he never had back pain again from that day forward. But it doesn't end there. As I mentioned earlier, for some reason Howard concluded that Sarno can also cure homosexuality, which Howard believes is a distraction from psychological issues -- just like back pain.

    In an interview with New York Magazine promoting Miss America, Howard said, "Back pain and homosexuality are identical. No more, no less." The interviewer quipped, "I assume you're speaking from personal experience."

    [​IMG]

    Howard laughed and responded, "No, I'm not gay. But I'm telling you. I know this is the truth."

    So we know that Howard's back pain is brought on by deep psychological issues -- like homosexuality is, according to Howard. And we know how Howard cured himself of back pain 20 years ago: He laughed at it. So why is he on the air today trying to coax old man Sarno out of retirement? :bigcry: :bigcry: :bigcry:

    He just needs to laugh again!:backlol::lmao::rofl::backlol2::haha:
     
  2. Evil Clown

    Evil Clown 34 VIP

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    Beautifully written post once again. :) The wig is such a kook.
     
  3. reno

    reno VIP Extreme Gold

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    He's a gay guy with back pain.
     
  4. GaryPuppet

    GaryPuppet Well-Known Member

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    Someone send Emily a copy of Sarno's book.

    [​IMG]
     
  5. WUT7272G7C

    WUT7272G7C 0000001111101001 Gold

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    context.. sometimes it matters
     
  6. TallTyrion

    TallTyrion Triggered like a mofo

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    @Benjamen is a precious gift from god. If there was a god.
     
  7. iloveyoubut

    iloveyoubut Well-Known Member

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    codeine likes this.
  8. MelroseLarry#1

    MelroseLarry#1 Well-Known Member Banned User

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    His back pain is from Ralph's COCK
     
  9. Benjamen

    Benjamen Well-Known Member

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    And Howard's. When he's not calling gay phone sex lines from his basement ("as a prank") in Miss America, he's talking about homosexuality being a distraction to prevent yourself from having to grow up and be an adult. He says the same thing in Private Parts.

    The truth is, I am one of the world’s leading authorities on homosexuality, and I would like to take this opportunity to set the record straight on why men become homosexuals. Many people today lean toward the revisionist theory that homosexuality is biologically determined. In my opinion, homosexuality is just another way of denying adulthood. When you’re with another guy you don’t have to deal with the responsibilities of a traditional family. You extend the joys of your prepubescense. You’re stuck in the phase of your life where you just hang out with the boys. It’s a simpler time. And a gross sign of immaturity. I believe homosexual behavior is not genetic but a deeply rooted defense mechanism that allows the human mind to ward off outside pressures. Like obsessive-compulsive behavior, alcoholism, or gambling addictions, homosexual behavior can be changed.”

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2015
  10. Benjamen

    Benjamen Well-Known Member

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    Fun Fact: On the "Also by the Author" page of Private Parts, Howard jokes that he's written a book called:

    Overcoming Homosexuality
     
  11. itsawig

    itsawig Well-Known Member

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    The back pain and the gay are both back with a vengeance!
     
  12. zutroy

    zutroy Totally nude. Totally flawless.

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    51SHw6uDcBL._SX300_.jpg
     
  13. Alisonsbankacct

    Alisonsbankacct Out to lunch.

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    I have had gay sex as well as back pain and I must say, they hold very little similarity
     
  14. codeine

    codeine Well-Known Member

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    ^^^^^^
     
  15. h78

    h78 Well-Known Member

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    He has back and shoulder pain because he walks around all day like a goddamn hunchback. He needs to correct his posture.
     
  16. Phantom Lord

    Phantom Lord Well-Known Member

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    It's stuff like this that is the reason they run a 5 minute delay on the show. Howard used to rant endlessly how he hated the dump button at K-Rock. Now he can use it to rewrite history by dumping out of a call that would address this before the listeners could ever hear it. Lets be honest, a real random call never makes it through the phone screeners so he doesn't have to worry.
     
  17. The Booey

    The Booey Well-Known Member

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    No, I'm not gay. But I'm telling you I know what Ralph's cock tastes like. And his cum. I know this is the truth. :backlol2:
     
  18. Jayla

    Jayla Ou ai-je l'esprit? VIP Gold

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    Poor little guy. He was fighting it so.....SO hard.
     
    TheMercenary likes this.
  19. HorseFanNetwork

    HorseFanNetwork Well-Known Member

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    what is Sarno's remedy for homosexuality.