Stern Show Howard's quotes on marriage (after divorce, before re-marrying)

Disclaimer: I'm posting these excerpts from the show where Howard said he'd never get married again simply for their entertainment value. I'm not out to call him a hypocrite or liar. I'm not trying to chastise him. I'm not trying to bust his balls. I'm not trying to say he should or shouldn't have gotten married. I just find it interesting what he said about marriage between getting divorced from his first wife and engaged to Beth.

Feb 6, 2001
Gary: "Now that it's been a while... Do you ever see in your lifetime ever again getting married?"
Howard: "Oh no... I would be in a relationship but I would never get married"
Robin: "What about if the person you're in love with wants to be married?"
Howard: "Um, good bye.... I don't believe in marriage"
Gary: "But I don't mean in 2 or 3 years, even in 10 years you don't see..."
Howard: "Hey, if i'm like 70 maybe"
Robin: "He will get married again, and he'll have kids"
Howard: "No"
Robin: "Oh absolutely. Mark my words."
Howard: "Hey you know more about it than I do, I guess"
Robin: "I do"
Howard: "I guess you know more about me than I do"
Gary: "Howard, you might get married again. I don't see you having kids. I don't see that."
Robin: "Trust me. I would bet money on it"
Howard: "You so don't know me"
Robin: "Watch yourself"
Howard: "Ok, we'll see. How much money do you want to put on that?"
Robin: "See you would- No I can't bet you, because you'd just hold out to take my money"
Howard: "You mean I'd avoid my marriage just to take your money"
Robin: "Absolutely"
Howard: "Oh, all right"
Robin: "And just forget that I said this so you can go ahead and do whatever you want to do in your life"
Howard: "I'll flag the tape"

April 6, 2001
"Why would you get married again after you know marriage doesn't work? I'm (as) romantic as the next guy. I ain't getting married. The only reason I could possibly think of to get married is if I'm gonna have kids."

April 18, 2001
"I can't (get married again). I realize if I was gonna be married, it would've worked with my wife. So how's it gonna work with somebody else?"

May 7, 2001
"Marriage does not exist to me ... If someone wants to be married- I ain't getting married ... Could I get married again? Yeah. If someone sedates me and puts me under, I'll get married again ... I would never get married again ... Marriage doesn't exist for me ... In my universe, marriage, like, doesn't happen ... I don't even believe it exists ... Say what you will. Laugh at me ... Bet me a million dollars ... I'll take any bets you've got."

May 7, 2001
(When asked if Beth has the desire to get married) "None. Zero. Unless she's lying. This is what she tells me."

May 22, 2001
"Who is it out there that decides they want to get married? ... There are people who are getting married today. I mean, are you out of your mind? Do you see what marriage leads to a lot of times? ... 67% of marriages end in divorce. ... And 5% of the marriages might be good. ... How can anyone ever get married?"

June 5, 2001
"No. No marriage. None. ... I don't believe in marriage anymore."

July 18, 2001
"Why do I need to get married? ... Maybe when I'm 80 ... I wouldn't get married! ... I'll never say never, but I just about would say never to this ... We discussed the fact that I don't want to get married. She doesn't want to get married ... Here's what you need to know, I - am - never - ever - getting - married - again ... I don't believe in the concept anymore. It doesn't even exist."

July 27, 2001
Caller: "Are you still standing by the fact that you're not gonna get married? Or are you starting to sway?"
Howard: "No, no, no. I'm never getting married."
Robin: "Read the paper. There's a story about Paul McCartney in the paper today. A couple of years from now, that'll be Howard."
Howard: "No, it won't. It won't!"
Robin: "...same story, just insert Howard's name."
[NOTE: BBC news article from 7/27/2001 reads, "Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney says he was 'a bit nervous' about proposing to Heather Mills as the couple show off her engagement ring." Howard proposed to Beth on Valentine's Day 2007.]

September 10, 2001
Stuttering John: "Hey Howard, let me ask you a question. If your girlfriend said to you..."
Howard: "Go ahead."
Stuttering John: "...'you know, Howard, I love you and stuff and I really want to get married eventually', then what happens to you?"
Howard: "I would say, 'Listen, I'm never getting married again'."
Robin: "He says that here. This is not the right--"
Howard: "We've had that discussion."
Robin: "You've got to BE there."
Howard: "No-- you-- you-- first of all, you don't even know my girlfriend."
Robin: "I don't know anybody! It has nothing to do with that."
Howard: "And you don't know me. And you don't know what I've said."
Robin: "I told you what you would do after you got divorced, didn't I?"
Howard: "(pauses) Yes. Yes, you did."
Gary: "Howard, here's the deal with your girlfriend. No matter how cool she is, inevitably it's going to change for her. You may not go along with it..."
Howard: "Right."
Gary: "...but it's gotta change."
Howard: "That's the difference."
Robin: "He doesn't know if he's gonna go along with it or not."
Howard: "That's the difference. I was married."
Robin: "I believe he will go along with it."
Howard: "No."
Ralph: "He would not."
Howard: "I would not."
Robin: "Trust me, he will."
Howard: "Ralph knows me better than anyone."
Ralph: "He so would not, Robin. You are high."
Robin: "You are crazy if you think he won't."
Ralph: "You're crazy."
Gary: "Why don't you write a book about how you won't go along with it."
Howard: "I look at the three of you [married] guys sitting on that couch, I'd rather be in jail. And I look at Robin's life, she's with a guy seven years but she ain't married. And I don't feel like she's in jail. She can get out when she wants."

September 10, 2001
Howard: "Let me tell you something, as God as my witness, and Robin doesn't believe me, that's okay, I don't actually believe that marriage exists in my universe."
Robin: "I would have to see you turn down your girlfriend who you love..."
Howard: "I do love her."
Robin : "...for something she really wants."
Stuttering John: "She'll never ask you do it anyway, but, so it's, it's--"
Robin: "You never know."
Howard: "Do whatever you want, and say whatever you want about it."
Robin: "But I have seen Howard go along with things he didn't want before because he loved the woman who was asking him."

September 10, 2001
Gary: "Robin, have you and Mister X ever had a conversation regarding marriage?"
Robin: "Yes."
Gary: "And what's the story? I mean, you don't have to tell me--"
Robin: "We don't want to do it."
Gary: "WE? Or YOU? Or HIM?"
Robin: "WE don't want to do it."
Howard: "And I've discussed that with my girlfriend and said, 'How do you feel about marriage?' 'Hate the concept of marriage'. Never wants to be married. Doesn't want to have children. Period. Period!"
Gary: "Ok, now what if your girlfrield wanted to--"
Howard: "Unless she's lying! Maybe she is! That's her business!"
Gary: "What if your girlfriend said, 'I don't want to get married, I think it's a, whole, thing. Let's just live together.'"
Howard: "I wouldn't do it."
Gary: "You wouldn't?"
Howard: "No. I don't want to live with anyone."
Robin: "We shall see."
Gary: "Good answer."
Howard: "I don't want to live with anyone."
Robin: "We shall see."
Howard: "I've got a full life."

September 10, 2001
Howard: "There's nothing that interests me to do that kind of thing. And I don't want to ruin her life and she don't want to ruin my life. We want to just be happy and have good times."

September 10, 2001
Howard: "...and now that I'm divorced, I'm sitting back and I'm taking an assessment of my life and I'm realizing that the concept of marriage, a legal document between two people where you are forced to be together and then penalized for falling out of love is a ridiculous premise."

 

I remember Robin laughing at Howard when Beth moved in because of some plumbing (I think) issues with her apartment.

She correctly told Howard that Beth was never going to leave and was laughing because he said he would never have a gf move in. I think Robin also mentioned again that he will remarry.

 

9/11 changed him.

 

really ramped up the anti-wedding rhetoric previous to the 9-11 attacks.

 

Well, I would hardly call Wig's "arrangement" with fugly hooker failure dumpster trophy Barf a real marriage.

He has total control of the situation, and thinks Barf and the stinky cats will rehab his image for mainstream acceptance.

It's not working, and I predict a divorce.

 

And the doormen.

 

Howie a hypocrite? Who knew?

 

For what it's worth, my husband told me that he didn't ever want to marry again until he met me and said meeting me changed his mind. He also was ready to propose after 5 months, even though he told me that he needed 18 months before deciding to get engaged.

However, I do not believe a thing Howard or Beth said. I like how Robin called him on it.

 

Good God, the stripper wedding dress.

 

That's a whole lot of disclaiming

Be a man and own it

 

90s Stern... the one that hung with Kinison, got drunk, smoked pot, and wanted to expose Hollywood instead of move there...

...he was an act.

The real Howard Stern is every Jewish stereotype -- including the need to end his life financially and socially above as many of his peers as possible, and the nordic blonde trophy wife as a prize -- made flesh, revealing himself before you in his twilight years.

But don't worry, he's still a closet bisexual with a foot fetish.

 

I used to say I was never getting married
never having kids
never getting pets
owning a mini-van

I should stop saying shit--because I never get it right

 

September 24, 2001
Robin: "You're against marriage..."
Howard: "I am."
Robin: "... so why celebrate it with people?"
Howard: "Aw, because they're happy."
Robin: "That's a hypocritical thing to do."
Howard: "I'm against marriage for me, and I'm warning anybody else who gets married. But, you want to get married? I'll celebrate your marriage. In fact, I'd love to go to the wedding. I'll be the goddamn best man if they want me to."
Robin: "Hypocritical."
Howard: "Well, you can see it the way you have to."

 

(shrug) Yeah, well, guys always say that ... I think it's wise that he didn't have any more children, though.

 

You put a lot of time into that post, well done

 

Howard is too OCD germphobe to be single going out. He needs to be in a relationship so he can stay in and hide under his sheets while the evil germs look for him

 

Howard is a total mamas boy and that's part of it

 

"Howard is a sucker"

 

Howard's a pussy.