I almost had a catastrophe today

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Mark Mayonnaise, Sep 14, 2013.

  1. Mark Mayonnaise

    Mark Mayonnaise You look like a tree! VIP

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    I went to Chang's Mongolian Grill for lunch which is my favorite restaurant and I ate roughly a metric fuckton of beef, chicken, noodles, veggies, garlic, and about a half gallon of various sauces like soy sauce, cooking sherry, hot oil, and ginger oil and then afterward I had to stop by my friend's house and I was having a beer with him and suddenly I felt about 70 pounds of food simultaneously drop from my stomach into my colon and I was all like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck so I finished my beer and said NOW IS THE TIME TO LEAVE and I immediately sped home with the raw horsepower that only an Aveo can produce and as I walked to my apartment I looked like one of the guys from the Ministry of Silly Walks sketch and once inside I raced for the bathroom but when I got within about 5 feet of the door it started coming out and I could feel a little liquid and a little solid at the same time beginning to stream out but it seemed like it was still contained within my cheeks so I said fuck it and ripped my shorts down and planted my ass on the toilet and for about the next fifteen minutes I dropped the Hiroshima bomb of shits and completely waged war against my toilet bowl and when I was done I nervously checked my shorts and there was only a tiny little drop from one bit of poo juice that had escaped and I was very relieved and I just felt like telling you my tale and now I'm leaving again so fuck you the end
     
  2. Harry Gibbs

    Harry Gibbs the boss of all men

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    :jj: good times bro.
     
  3. Double Blizz

    Double Blizz New Member Banned User

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    Lulz
     
  4. dawg

    dawg In The Dog House Staff Member

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    I ain't reading shit :no:
     
  5. gwartney

    gwartney Unafilliated Gold

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    have you ever heard of a period?
     
  6. h5htyt76757j

    h5htyt76757j Chyea Chyea Banned User

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    those are coors light shits.
     
  7. Harry Gibbs

    Harry Gibbs the boss of all men

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    drezza ate a bunch a noodles, drank a beer, and shit himself because he got a shitty slow car.
     
  8. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Why didn't you just take a shit there? :wtf:
     
  9. Satori Brah

    Satori Brah Well-Known Member

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    I still would've grabbed some reading material
     
  10. Chriza

    Chriza The One Man Gangbang VIP

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    The idiot's right. I would happily shit at any of my friends' places.
     
  11. Partyxanimal

    Partyxanimal Well-Known Member

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    Bet you pulled up your panties and left the house.
     
  12. zhukov

    zhukov Time traveler Gold

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    I've had that happen, never shitted my pants but ran into the house with the car running....

    good times
     
  13. zhukov

    zhukov Time traveler Gold

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    it happens after you leave
     
  14. Harry Gibbs

    Harry Gibbs the boss of all men

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    drezza's story don't make sense because the noodles don't drop right to your shit pipe all at once.
     
  15. Charon

    Charon Soulless VIP

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    They had so much grease in them that they just slid through the intestines
     
  16. Diogenes1

    Diogenes1 VIP Extreme Gold

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    this rivals the stream of consciousness writing of sound & the fury, naming this "the sound of the furious shitting"

    cool stuff
     
  17. ice cream

    ice cream Well-Known Member

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    what for lunch monday?
     
  18. Markijuano

    Markijuano Well-Known Member

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    Is the stain your girls next tattoo?
     
  19. eliasbboy

    eliasbboy Insert Witty Title Here Staff Member

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    That's still better than when you shit up and down the aisles at RiteAid.

    [​IMG]
     
  20. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    I met this girl at this club one time and we went back to her place to do coke. She lived in a trailer with roommates and I took a very loud shit. Her bathroom didn't have a fan and it was right next to the room where we were. :ulol: