Discussion in 'The Bar' started by geo, Aug 22, 2014.
loaded with that sugarz
Get some of these!
Be sure to read the reviews.
It was the day of my sister's graduation and my mother had asked me to go shopping for the small get together after the ceremony so I went on down to the local grocery store with some money she had given me. Not quite sure what to get, I started down the isles with an empty wagon, slowly filling up the cart with fruit platters and other decadent finger foods. I passed by the dairy isle where I found myself a bottle of sugar free whipped cream (I was on a diet at the time) I could scavenge upon during my trek through the establishment. Still unsure of what to grab, I ventured down the candy isle where u grabbed a few bags of a variety of different sweets. Jolly ranchers, starbursts, and of course a delicious bag of sugar free Haribo Gummi Bears (the diet thing). After going down a few more isles the whipped cream began to bore me so u opened up the starbursts and munched on a few and the the bears. I only had 3 or 4 by the time I got to the register where I laid the opened bags of sweets, used whipped cream and other assorted foods on the conveyer belt to be rang up. I handed the cashier my card and pocketed the cash. "Credit or debit?" The she asked. Before I could reply my stomach made a somewhat loud grumbling groan. We made eye contact and she giggled, I was slightly less amused by the encounter, but paid and was on my way. Mid way through filling up the trunk my stomach began to flutter once again, except this time much more intense and somewhat frightening. A panic set in. I threw the rest of the food into the car and speed walked my way back inside, hoping to not draw attention to myself desperately searching for the restroom. I ran into an employee and asked where it was, but before he could finish I could see the sign begin him as I cut him off and ran inside. The first 2 stalls were out of order and I thought "this is it.. I'm going to crap myself in the local grocery store." But luckily the third and final stall was just being exited by a small child. Not having time to cover the seat with paper I ripped down my pants and plopped down somewhat violently onto the toilet bowl where mid way down a gut wrenching secretion of what seemed to be radioactive goop fled my body as if it was late for the interview of a life time. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead and on my upper lip as I sat there cringing in pain and of what seemed to be a terrible case of food poisoning. I figured it must have been the left over Chinese from a few night ago that I had for breakfast. The smell was absolutely horrifying as I sat there praying no one would walk in. Luckily no one did. Finally the deluge of liquid death had come to a halt, at which point I took a big handful of toilet paper and fled the premises as quickly as possible, hoping to not be seen by the next person to enter the restroom. The entire way home my stomach continued to speak to me in a somewhat satanic manner, but I made it. "No more Chinese for me." I thought to myself. Shortly after setting up the food the guests had arrived. I was feeling quite well at this point and it turns out my sister's friend of whom I've had a crush on for quite some time had showed up as well. After congratulating my sister and her friends I gathered up the courage to speak to her. The conversation was actually going much better than I had expected and it came to me that I should have said something much earlier than her graduation date, but It was too late for that. We sat on the couch where I had put a few of the treats, including the Gummies. I picked out a few of the red ones from the bowl. Then a few more. And then a few more. Next thing I know we had been sitting there chatting for close to 10 minutes when my stomach began to act up once again. "Not now. Please not right now!" I cried to myself. "WARGGGGLGGG" my stomach exclaimed. We had made eye contact the way I had with the cashier, only this time there was slightly less of a giggle and more of an uncomfortable feeling in the air. "So what do you plan on doing now that you're done with scho--" "WARRGLL666GGLLGG" it went again, cutting me off from my sentence, once again generating and even more awkward atmosphere. "Are you ok?" She asked. "I'm fine." I replied. I most certainly was not fine. The sweat began to gather on my forehead and upper lip once again as I desperately hoped my stomach would settle as just a false alarm. But again it rumbled, this time it was decently painful and unless she had emitted gas of her own, I had definitely let loose some more of that toxic fume into the air. She politely excused herself shortly after with a slight glare of disgust in her eyes. I had bigger things to worry about though. I looked down and it appeared there had been some leakage through my shorts onto the couch at which point I covered it with a pillow and again speed walked to the restroom. I attempted to make it to the upstairs bathroom, but it was what seemed to be an insurmountable distance, so I went the downstairs room and slammed the door hardly getting to the toilet in time for what seemed to be Armageddon splurging from my anal cavity. It shot into the water and splashed back up at my bum. I couldn't believe what was happening. Now? At my sister's graduation party with all of her friends and our close relatives. My stomach continued to chant satanic tones as I profusely sweat in the room next to all of our guests. The smell was something of another world. I couldn't believe a human body, or anything for that matter, could generate something so foul and rancid. Imagine the scent of a rotting animal under your porch, mixed with a dirty homeless shelter and the septic tank at a Taco Bell festival. Great, now imagine something that terrible multiplied by the 10th degree and you're still only at the level of a newly budded rose compared to what was being emitted from what used to be my anus. "Please! Please let it stop!" As I looked up at the ceiling while clenching my stomach in one hand and my nose in the other. Someone knocked on the door. "Just a minute!" It most certainly would not be a minute. At this point food poisoning seemed like a blissful prance through a beautiful meadow and I frantically thought to myself what could be causing me to be punished so terribly for what seemed to be a good deed. And suddenly it hit me. The gummi bears. I immediately texted my mother to get them off the table, praying no one else had eaten them. Mid text I had dropped my phone, due to my sweating palms, directly into the terrible abyss of what used to be the toilet. 15 minutes passed as more and more people knocked on the door. It was officially the worst day of my life. I could hear people complain of a terrible odor through the walls as I kicked the floor mat toward the bottom of the door to avoid any more baneful venomous decay from ravaging through the house, but it was too late. I heard a few girls whispering of the abhorrent odor who shortly made up some reason why they had to leave. It was a nightmare, no.. Worse than a nightmare because it was real! Finally the onslaught had stopped for a brief enough moment for my to rip my pants up without wiping in fear of it starting up again before having time to get upstairs. I whipped the door open and bolted in a frantic deranged scampering gallop up to my room. Everyone's eyes were on me, but I could not stop. Moments later I heard what sounded like a dying platypus. It was my crush who had been perilously waiting to get into the bathroom after me as she too had consumed some of the malignant noxious bears and to my demise I had apparently forgotten to flush in the panic up to my room. And well.. The rest is history.
There's some great reading in that comments section!
geo is gonna have colorful turds.
this is why you're fat, fat ass
i am in the green section of the body mass calculator thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuu
of course you are