I'm just lying in bed feeling really anxious.. Sometimes it happens with me, that I see others having lots of success, and it drives me crazy, because I feel there must be something wrong with me that I cant think of something creative and unique to become successful like them. Like today I watched some shaycarl videos on youtube, just out of interest, because he was showing his house and stuff, and like...i remember years ago i fucking hated him and his dumb fucking vlogs, and his retarded family and wife who tries way too hard, and he whores his kids out for views... But he has a video where he announces that Maker Studios, the youtube network he cofounded, was sold to Disney for almost $1billion, and like... I want to experience that He went from being a broke retard to endlessly rich and successful in just 4 years... And I know, very very very few people make it big like that, but it's something that's always interested me. Since I was 11 I got into music and dreamt of becoming a successful musician, then a few years later I started getting interested in entrepreneurship and my brain went into overdrive as I tried to think of a business idea... When I was 16, I managed to raise ~$2000 from friends, because I thought I could make the next ebaumsworld. The money was lost after the designer and coder I hired basically ran off with the money. A couple of years later, I was pitching a wild and retarded virtual reality idea I had to huge IT companies, guys in suits, etc, and I even managed to snag a paid trip to London to meet some potential investors. But I barely prepared and the whole thing was smoke and mirrors. But since I was 14, Ive been enamored with the idea of making something successful...with music, film, business... It's in my DNA. But at the same time, winning is not. It's a horrible combination of desperately wanting to become successful, and procrastinating and just not being creative enough. Sometimes ,like tonight, it feels like a disease because I cant escape the thought that Im a failure, and "everyone" else is finding success so "easily".