I can't stand handshakes.

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Scott, May 25, 2015.

  1. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

    Reputations:
    38,106
    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2010
    Messages:
    33,681
    Likes Received:
    26,178
    I hate meeting people and having to shake their hand. I'm not a germaphobe. It's just that no matter what I never seem to know how hard to squeeze. Either I go easy and the other person squeezes so hard I want to yell out in pain, or the other way around, I squeeze so hard I feel like I'm hurting them.

    And then there's the awkward moment when a guy introduces you to his wife and you don't know whether to hug, wave or shake her hand and so you shake her hand but you sort of just hold it there for a second like a flaming douche.

    We need to find a new way to greet people.
     
    Shedding Skin likes this.
  2. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

    Reputations:
    38,106
    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2010
    Messages:
    33,681
    Likes Received:
    26,178
    One guy squeezed my hand so hard I swear I broke a bone and it hurt for days.
     
  3. Gomez

    Gomez Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    7,576
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2011
    Messages:
    23,075
    Likes Received:
    7,900
    I don't mind handjobs
     
    Capn Crud likes this.
  4. Bro

    Bro God Bless Donald Trump VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    26,608
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    97,664
    Likes Received:
    24,110
    lol
     
  5. Bro

    Bro God Bless Donald Trump VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    26,608
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    97,664
    Likes Received:
    24,110
    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
     
  6. Bro

    Bro God Bless Donald Trump VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    26,608
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    97,664
    Likes Received:
    24,110
    I grab an elbow when I shake hands with someone.
     
  7. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

    Reputations:
    38,106
    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2010
    Messages:
    33,681
    Likes Received:
    26,178
    I try to go on the offensive and squeeze their hand hard and one time this guy's hand just squished inside mine like jelly. I can tell I hurt him but he didn't want to show it. I felt terrible.
     
  8. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter Gold

    Reputations:
    22,153
    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2010
    Messages:
    216,496
    Likes Received:
    43,208
    Get it?:cwl:
     
  9. Bro

    Bro God Bless Donald Trump VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    26,608
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    97,664
    Likes Received:
    24,110
    Or do the 2 hand hand shake to show I'm super friendly.
     
  10. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter Gold

    Reputations:
    22,153
    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2010
    Messages:
    216,496
    Likes Received:
    43,208
    Saran Wrap Hill:jj:
     
    Bro likes this.
  11. Bro

    Bro God Bless Donald Trump VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    26,608
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    97,664
    Likes Received:
    24,110
    Do you have women's hands?
     
  12. redshirt

    redshirt Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    12,158
    Joined:
    May 28, 2012
    Messages:
    6,749
    Likes Received:
    7,185
    I am a bit of a germphobe which is why I hate them, also it's fucking disgusting when someone has moist hands and leaves a residue of their sweat on your hand.
     
  13. Bro

    Bro God Bless Donald Trump VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    26,608
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    97,664
    Likes Received:
    24,110
    wrong thread
     
  14. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter Gold

    Reputations:
    22,153
    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2010
    Messages:
    216,496
    Likes Received:
    43,208
    Milkshakes > Handshakes
     
  15. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

    Reputations:
    38,106
    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2010
    Messages:
    33,681
    Likes Received:
    26,178
    Not really. I work a desk job so I don't have really manly hands but I do have callouses from lifting weights and riding a bike.
     
  16. Bro

    Bro God Bless Donald Trump VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    26,608
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    97,664
    Likes Received:
    24,110
    I have a special bro handshake I use with my kids. True story.
     
  17. Splash

    Splash Huge Member VIP

    Reputations:
    165
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2011
    Messages:
    43,420
    Likes Received:
    4,643
    Look em in the eye with a firm grip and say "I'm goddamn Scott. Nice to meet you" and quit being a fag.
     
    Shedding Skin, Scott and Bro like this.
  18. Bro

    Bro God Bless Donald Trump VIP Gold

    Reputations:
    26,608
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    97,664
    Likes Received:
    24,110
    [​IMG]
     
  19. LonghornJ

    LonghornJ VIP Extreme Gold

    Reputations:
    91,244
    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2010
    Messages:
    42,342
    Likes Received:
    39,873
    Nothing more awkward than a failed handshake... I go medium pressure standard.

    Assertive enough but nothing to raise an eyebrow like "why did that douche squeeze my hand so hard, what's wrong with that asshole" type response
     
    Scott likes this.
  20. redshirt

    redshirt Well-Known Member

    Reputations:
    12,158
    Joined:
    May 28, 2012
    Messages:
    6,749
    Likes Received:
    7,185
    [​IMG]
     
    LonghornJ likes this.