I can't stand handshakes.

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Scott, May 25, 2015.

  1. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

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    I hate meeting people and having to shake their hand. I'm not a germaphobe. It's just that no matter what I never seem to know how hard to squeeze. Either I go easy and the other person squeezes so hard I want to yell out in pain, or the other way around, I squeeze so hard I feel like I'm hurting them.

    And then there's the awkward moment when a guy introduces you to his wife and you don't know whether to hug, wave or shake her hand and so you shake her hand but you sort of just hold it there for a second like a flaming douche.

    We need to find a new way to greet people.
     
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  2. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

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    One guy squeezed my hand so hard I swear I broke a bone and it hurt for days.
     
  3. Gomez

    Gomez Well-Known Member

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    I don't mind handjobs
     
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  4. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    lol
     
  5. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
     
  6. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    I grab an elbow when I shake hands with someone.
     
  7. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

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    I try to go on the offensive and squeeze their hand hard and one time this guy's hand just squished inside mine like jelly. I can tell I hurt him but he didn't want to show it. I felt terrible.
     
  8. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Get it?:cwl:
     
  9. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    Or do the 2 hand hand shake to show I'm super friendly.
     
  10. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Saran Wrap Hill:jj:
     
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  11. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    Do you have women's hands?
     
  12. redshirt

    redshirt Well-Known Member

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    I am a bit of a germphobe which is why I hate them, also it's fucking disgusting when someone has moist hands and leaves a residue of their sweat on your hand.
     
  13. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    wrong thread
     
  14. Schmoopy

    Schmoopy Shit Mult Hunter

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    Milkshakes > Handshakes
     
  15. Scott

    Scott Masshole Staff Member

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    Not really. I work a desk job so I don't have really manly hands but I do have callouses from lifting weights and riding a bike.
     
  16. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    I have a special bro handshake I use with my kids. True story.
     
  17. Splash

    Splash Huge Member VIP

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    Look em in the eye with a firm grip and say "I'm goddamn Scott. Nice to meet you" and quit being a fag.
     
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  18. Bro

    Bro Oligarchical Corporatocracy VIP Gold

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    [​IMG]
     
  19. LonghornJ

    LonghornJ VIP Extreme Gold

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    Nothing more awkward than a failed handshake... I go medium pressure standard.

    Assertive enough but nothing to raise an eyebrow like "why did that douche squeeze my hand so hard, what's wrong with that asshole" type response
     
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  20. redshirt

    redshirt Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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