I don't think I know how to wipe my ass properly? (nsfw)

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by garypagetwo, Aug 13, 2015.

  1. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gay Gold

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    When you guys wipe, do you...relax your anus? Or do you just sort of clean the outside?

    Ever since I can remember, my ass has bled when I wipe after taking a shit. It's not gushing blood, but more like dry blood stains that appear on the toilet paper. Lately however, i've been having serious issues with my ass burning like hell, way more blood etc to the point where Ive had to start using wet wipes. Oddly enough, they seem to only exacerbate the issue, because when I use them theres way more blood, and it feels like my whole asshole is on fire and being chewed on by a swarm of fire ants. But still, I need them because otherwise I cant get it clean the way my butt is right now. It's like my whole ass is chaffed or something.

    Back to the point...one thing I've noticed is that, I'm able to wipe my ass fairly quickly, especially with wet wipes, but...if I relax the hole, which kinda opens it up I guess, there's more to clean; sometimes feeling neverending. Anyone know what I mean? Am I maybe not meant to relax my butthole like I do, and just clean the outside?

    Appreciate all serious answers. Trolls will be reported to the mods.
     
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  2. Ben Dover

    Ben Dover Well-Known Member

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    Please post pics, because you haven't embarrassed yourself enough yet.


    Oh, and stop being on the receiving end of anal
     
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  3. LonghornJ

    LonghornJ VIP Extreme Gold

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    Keep your rosebud anus issues to yourself Gary.
     
  4. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    "Oh this is making me so hot"

    "Are you stroking your cock?"
     
  5. zoa

    zoa traininmyanus

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  6. Gitfiddle

    Gitfiddle Live Deliciously

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  7. DrivenByDemons

    DrivenByDemons Spinoff Jesus Staff Member

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  8. larryluncg

    larryluncg Empty VIP Gold

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    Dude get to a doctor ASAP. This doesn't sound good. I didn't read the whole post but when I saw blood and asshole I knew it couldn't be good
     
  9. Daveindiego

    Daveindiego Confirmed Internet Legend Gold

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    Listen, this is what you need to do.

    Stay the fuck out of your ass. Go buy one of those shower wand attachments, that has the high pressure setting on the wand, and then get in there with that, and give it a good rinse, so that you get all the grit out.

    Anything else, and you're doing it wrong.
     
  10. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gay Gold

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    great now my butt is itching like crazy
     
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  11. Shedding Skin

    Shedding Skin Damp Banned User

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    This is the best thread
     
  12. Shedding Skin

    Shedding Skin Damp Banned User

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    I will archive it in my mind
     
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  13. Dirty South

    Dirty South Large Member

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    Your comma usage in that second to last paragraph is all fucked up. :gar:
     
  14. idiotbox

    idiotbox Looking for a dime and found a quarter. VIP

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  15. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

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  16. Anfkid

    Anfkid Blue Banner Mafia Staff Member

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    Gary The Retard can't even wipe his own ass. How do we expect him to get laid :backlol:
     
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  17. garypagetwo

    garypagetwo The Gay Gold

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    Posting from my phone, give me a break. Also don't post that emoticon again or ill report you
     
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  18. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    That's no issue, do you got any carrots?
     
  19. JameGumb

    JameGumb We're all out of toner!

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    :gar:
     
  20. nfbuckeye

    nfbuckeye Beam me up, Mr. Speaker. VIP

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    How have you not been hit by a train or run over by a bus yet?
     
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