I found the perfect for Howard's new calligraphy hobby! :cheer:

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by Bye You!, Feb 23, 2014.

  1. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    when i opened my computer this morning, it was opened to this page, as if by magic!

    http://www.amazon.com/Omas-Limited-Edition-Fountain-Diamonds/dp/B002K6QB78/ref=cm_rdp_product


    [​IMG]

    BUT, not only is it hideous and ostentations, PERFECT for a man such as Howard Stern, check this out:

    [​IMG]

    Considerable length and diameter? Perfect, right? :gay:


    if you have a few minutes, click around this pen's page. it's hilarious.


    [​IMG]



    and then there's this epic review:



    Customer Review
    [TABLE="width: 100%"]
    [TR]
    [TD]
    2,727 of 2,809 people found the following review helpful
    [​IMG] Gather round, for I sing of arms and a man., April 23, 2013
    By
    N. James Fiorvento



    This review is from: Omas Limited Edition Phoenix Plated Fountain Pen With Diamonds (Office Product)
    At first, I thought that this was just a normal pen. How wrong I was.

    On the eve of the seventh full moon after the pen arrived, a man named Theenough Roth arrived at my house, telling me that I was The Chosen One, bearer of Omas The Decider, Pen of the Gods! Theenough explained to me that this pen had powers beyond the scale of human comprehension, and that only I could use it without going mad. He also told me that there was evil afoot, in the form of the Overlord Battenac, Eater of Dimensions. We had to leave at once to begin the quest to stop Battenac from eating the universe and washing it down with bad coffee!

    We ventured far on foot and horseback, through the Valleys of Trall, the Mountains of Trice, and the shopping centers of Dayton, Ohio. Along the way, we found others who shared our quest to destroy Battenac: Trollock, the smith, Vanku, the warrior, and Fenton, the orchard manager.

    We were in Dayton at the Inn of Red Rooves, resting our feet and refreshing ourselves with cakes and ale when a stranger appeared, wearing a cloak. The stranger asked us if we could translate an inscription on the legendary Lost Pruning Knife of Obmann.

    Fenton spoke up, saying that the knife had no writing. It was then that the stranger revealed himself to be Saal'gor, the Teacher and the Keeper, who would train me in use of Omas The Decider.

    The training was eight months of fair brutality. Saal'gor showed me everything to do with Omas, it can punch holes through dimensions and proofread REALITY ITSELF and destroy Battenac easily if it got the chance.

    But Battenac knew of this and he knew of our quest. As such, he was hiding deep in the folds in between dimensions. In order to find him, we needed the Runs of Raxev, guarded by Sarndor, the Many-Spleened Beast of Horror. Saal'gor gave us an ancient map that would point the way to Sarndor if we burned it in Wild Turkey Bourbon on Tom Bawcock's Eve in the Valley of Paintsville, Kentucky.

    We traveled there, facing bandits, knaves, and the occasional patrol sent by Battenac himself all along the way. We were tired and nearly disillusioned upon reaching the Valley of Paintsville, but the map in its true form was so spectacular that it extinguished all doubts.

    Turns out Sarndor was in a rib shack just in town. Total pushover. Also, we got a sweet recipe for ribs along with the runes.

    The Runes of Raxev told us that we could find and destroy Battenac by writing his name in the blood of an old goat on the southbound lane of North 6th Street, in Bismark, North Dakota.

    With wind in our sails, we pressed onward, until we finally had reached Bismark.

    After much searching for the goat, it was found, and 'Battenac' was written in the road.

    Before I knew what was happening, the trap had sprung. Battenac crushed Theenough Roth beneath his mighty talon, forcing me to watch as he was being eviscerated.

    For the first time in my quest, I knew real hate. I could feel it, coming through Battenac and into me.

    He said to me, with his sharp jaws, "JOIN ME. WITH MY MIGHT AND YOUR OMAS LIMITED EDITION PHOENIX PLATED FOUNTAIN PEN WITH DIAMONDS, WE COULD EAT ALL POSSIBLE UNIVERSES"

    I was tempted. Theenough Roth, my mentor was dead. There was nothing more in this universe for me. And the hate was good. I could feel it, embracing me like an old friend.

    But I remembered Theenough. He did not teach me hate. And I resisted. I was not a man with a pen. I was greater than the sum of my parts.

    I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!

    With a forceful stroke, I destroyed Battenac and collapsed into the dry Bismark afternoon.

    I parted ways with Fenton, Trollock, and Vanku.

    After a long walk, I finally found my way back home.

    I had saved the universe, but lost myself along the way. Hopefully, I will find inner peace eventually.

    In the meantime, this is pretty good for writing, too.

    [/TD]
    [/TR]
    [/TABLE]
     
  2. N Copter

    N Copter Shot Dead Banned User

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    I'd buy it but 6-10 days? Nah, too long before I get it.
     
  3. jimbronie

    jimbronie Well-Known Member

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    But Howard's a simple man with simple tastes.
     
  4. LaserT

    LaserT You have to have fun. Gold

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    Yeah, just like Beth.
     
  5. N Copter

    N Copter Shot Dead Banned User

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    Don't you just hate that bullshit from him? I'd respect him so much more if he was just honest about his lifestyle. Not that he has to give us every detail but don't pretend you aren't living like a king.
     
  6. ilovebacon

    ilovebacon Well-Known Member VIP

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    save $12,000? Whatta deal!!!!! :cheer:
     
  7. Lou Skunt

    Lou Skunt ____________________ Banned User

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    <insert> gay <insert>
     
  8. jimbronie

    jimbronie Well-Known Member

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    Is there a rainbow colored pen?
     
  9. Lou Skunt

    Lou Skunt ____________________ Banned User

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    One with yellow hearts, pink stars, and blue diamonds. :jj:
     
  10. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    :cwl:
     
  11. Afganistand

    Afganistand Motivationally Deficient VIP

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    Yeah, no Amazon Prime, forget it
     
  12. Imus O Sternsky

    Imus O Sternsky VIP Extreme Gold

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  13. Lou Skunt

    Lou Skunt ____________________ Banned User

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    I might have screwed that line up. I'm glad you knew what I was going for though. :jj:
     
  14. BarberFloyd

    BarberFloyd God Bless DuPont Chemicals Banned User

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    Just setting up a s-400 triumf for the incoming barrage...

    [​IMG]

    If I was sober and needed a hobby I'd take calligraphy or guitar. I'm really into the arts to begin with and naturally draw well but there's something beautiful about letters and how communication can have a style and a feeling... I could see writing poetry about how beautiful Beth is in calligraphy would definable score a blowjob and just make me feel good for producing something beautiful with my time. I mean calligraphy is just like guitar, your translating and creating and projecting all of your emotions and thoughts into this world just to share and witness as a being in this reality.

    I know I'm not alone on this, some of you have to be art nerds that would do a half hour of it here or there if it relaxed you.
     
  15. Lou Skunt

    Lou Skunt ____________________ Banned User

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    Beth isn't into oral...

    :fail:
     
  16. Bye You!

    Bye You! The n word guy Gold

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    C'mon, man. You know it's demeaning to women. :behave:
     
  17. crazycreep

    crazycreep Well-Known Member

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    I'd love to see the inside of his house...wonder if it's as gaudy as trumps or actually nice...I bet he has some bizarre and disgusting habits...I had this rich Jewish Customer once and he had an area on his comforter that he always wiped his boogers on and it was piled probably 2" and the room stunk like shit bad...even back then it made me think of howard
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2014
  18. harlock

    harlock ancora imparo Gold

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    just use the pen to write on her face as long as you're demeaning women.
     
  19. stripes

    stripes Active Member Banned User

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    elias could make that pen for half the price
     
  20. AGT Blows

    AGT Blows Well-Known Member

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    Is that an Elias pen?