I hate my gf!!!

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Daemon, Jan 12, 2014.

  1. Daemon

    Daemon Asshole

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    When I take a shower I'll leave the door unlocked because sometimes my gf needs to take a piss while I'm in there. But this time, she decided a piss wasn't enough. When she barged through the door, I knew something was up. I asked, "You're taking a piss, right?", no response. Then a few seconds later, this smell started to creep over the shower curtain. I immediately crouched down to breath the remaining non-polluted air in the room. Within seconds, my oxygen supply ran out. The smell was so bad, I started vomiting down the drain. I cupped my nose with the soap, but that only made the odour smell slightly soapy.

    I don't know if she was trying to kill me, or just mortally wound me. Not only did she not turn the exhaust fan on, but she closed the door and left the lid of the toilet up. (I found out later she did flush, but you couldn't tell the difference any ways) After hearing my cries of pain, she showed mercy on me by closing the lid, turning the fan on, and spraying a bottle of air freshener in the room. She also opened the door, which alleviated the stench. But that brought new problems as the fog of death creeped throughout the entire house.

    I've never thrown up in the shower before. But I've also never been the subject of a Diarrhea Dutch Oven, either. This is one of those experiences that a person never forgets. In fact, my gf is getting ready to take a shower right now. Does anyone have some Ex-Lax they can give me?
     
  2. Ridic Too

    Ridic Too New Member Banned User

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    If my girlfriend did that to me I would break up with her. Seriously.
     
  3. nazdrowie

    nazdrowie Sultan of Sweat Gold

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    this never happened
     
  4. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    That's one of the most disgusting things I have ever read. Your gf is a monster. I hope you dumped her stinky ass after that behavior. :cuss:
     
  5. Daemon

    Daemon Asshole

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    Not only did this happen, my gf is sitting beside me reading my screen. Ridic Too, she doesn't appreciate your breaking up comment. This isn't even the worst thing she's done to me! :D
     
  6. A Succulent Chinese Meal

    A Succulent Chinese Meal Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir. VIP

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    Produce a picture of the girlfriend and I'll go down on you.
     
  7. HelloCleveland!

    HelloCleveland! Well-Known Member

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    Nice fake story. 7/10
     
  8. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    She probably didn't like my comment, either! :c

    How long have you two been dating?
     
  9. banksy

    banksy You wrote "I love you" in lipstick on the mirror VIP

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    Gary?
     
  10. Phan Neepack

    Phan Neepack Well-Known Member

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    How obese is she? 300 pounder... or higher?
     
  11. Daemon

    Daemon Asshole

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    14 years. So if a little shit on the dick won't make me break up with her, then some shit up the nose won't, either.
     
  12. Avery

    Avery Well-Known Member Banned User

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    I smell reddit. :rolleyes:
     
  13. keywordpk

    keywordpk Perpetual Geek Gold

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    Charming. :)
     
  14. Daemon

    Daemon Asshole

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    All women shit, not just the 300 pounders. Don't believe Howard.
     
  15. A Succulent Chinese Meal

    A Succulent Chinese Meal Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir. VIP

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    I may have to log off after reading this nonsense.
     
  16. Daemon

    Daemon Asshole

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    Lucky you. I haven't been able to smell anything since I got out of the shower.
     
  17. stripes

    stripes Active Member Banned User

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    in 20yrs of knowing my wife, never a fart or shit between us. & that's the way I like it.
     
  18. BearShit

    BearShit BearShit + Tom Hardy = BFF

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    poor peoples problems.

    get a place with more then 1 bathroom
     
  19. Daemon

    Daemon Asshole

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    Are you a lesbian? Bi? Curious? Schmoopy?
     
  20. Daemon

    Daemon Asshole

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    I find that hard to believe. When you smell something bad, does your wife immediately blame the dog?