We had Mimosas for breakfast today. I don't like them so my wife had a couple and that was it. I noticed that the champagne bottle was still out on the counter. I decided to cork it back up and put it in the refrigerator. The cork was one of those ones that mushroom out so I couldn't get it back in. I was pushing with all my might. All of the sudden the bottle slipped in my hands and went over sideways. That shit sprayed out like I'd just won the world series. I grabbed it while it was still spraying so, of course, I just spread the spray to places that weren't already wet. About half the fucking kitchen got christened along with me. The floor, the counters, the cabinets. The dog was of course trying to drink it while I was cleaning up. That's how my New Year has been going so far.