I didnt think anything like ths would ever happen. Im not going togo into details, but Ive seen her kiss" " other girls, but I was there. Shes in the bedroom, Im here, watching soccer (there, see? even in my misery, I give you guys an "IN"") I readily admit to not being the greatest of humans this past 3 months, Im trying to remain sober and then trying to ingest my family issues, so I KNOW Ive been a up and down person, which I have admitted and TALKED to her about. Im not some total space cadet that doesnt recognize my faults, that being said, I truly am working on them, and this past week, we went riding our bikes together, we watched all our silly TV shows together ( which we hadnt been doing), played Wii together, went over fantasy football stuff ( shes in a all "wifes" league, and just 2 days ago she painted my right toenail bright pink, while we laughed and...so...how and why then could she do that? This was just something I wasnt even thinking about no. she had complications last year and we lost him. i have none and she doesnt either. I totally want and believe Id be a great father, but Ive expressed to her that I want to be "in control" of my own life before Im responsible for anothers. Thats one reason Ive been doing the stuff Ive been doing, because I truly desire that lifestyle. The whole Mom and Dad and white picket fence blah blah, but blah blah is what Ive never had. I think blah blah would be great. I just couldnt be what I know Im capable of/wanting to be with the other issues, so we decided to wait. I just dont know now. That sucks.