i'd like to share something about my childhood

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Harry Gibbs, Nov 14, 2013.

  1. Harry Gibbs

    Harry Gibbs the boss of all men

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    my first memory of my dad was him coming home from the hospital after being sick with some life threatening disease. i don't remember him going to the hospital, but i remember i was scared of him when he came home because he had a beard. and even though i don't specifically remember him before he left for the hospital stay, i know he did not have a beard.

    i remember a few years of being pretty carefree as a kid after that, but when i was around seven years old, he became chronically ill once again. this lasted throughout my teen years. i remember his heart went into atrial fibrillation around thanksgiving one year...i think i was twelve. they couldn't get him out of a-fib and i thought he was going to die. they even used old school paddles on him when he was awake and alert, but it didn't do anything. then, on christmas morning that year, i remember him and my mom coming into my room, where i was hanging out with my brother waiting to go downstairs to open gifts. they told us his heart went back to its normal sinus rhythm. i didn't believe in god then and i still don't now, but that was a pretty powerful experience.

    when i went to college, he became seriously ill once again. he had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and lupus, among other things. he had to have his arm amputated at different points three different times. he got a staph infection that spread to a hairline fracture in his spine because the prednisone he was on weakened his bones and left them brittle. he needed a spinal fusion and was in horrendous pain.

    i dealt with his illeness by denying it. i pretended it didn't exist and i developed anger toward him. i spent all my time with friends, playing in alt-rock bands, smoking pot, and making everything think everything in my world was cool and i had a handle on things.

    one fall day -- a very beautiful fall day -- i met my girlfriend on campus in the student union accidentally. we started walking home and ran into a great friend i hadn't seen in a long time. it was a very nice encounter. i was in a great mood.

    we got into our apartment, which was the main floor of an old victorian house and the phone was ringing. it was my mom. i answered and she was crying. she said, "[dinkus], dad is dead." there was silence on her end. my world went numb and i remember feeling a vague pulsating feeling in the air around me. i don't remember the conversation after that. i don't remember the day after that. i don't remember how i got home to my parents' house. i don't remember feeling. i just remember thinking that the moment i had feared my whole life, since my earliest memory, had just come true and now i had to deal with it.
     
  2. Daveindiego

    Daveindiego Confirmed Internet Legend Gold

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    Dude, that is ripping at my heart.

    You're the man, Dink.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2013
  3. Harry Gibbs

    Harry Gibbs the boss of all men

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    this is why this song makes me feel a deep sense of sadness and longing when i hear it.

    [video=youtube;kPnGYxewQ6Y]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPnGYxewQ6Y[/video]

    Well my dad was sick,
    and my mom she cared for him.
    Her love it nursed him back to life.
    And me, I ran. I couldn't even look at him
    for fear I'd have to say goodbye.

    And as I start to leave
    he grabs me by the shoulder and he tells me:
    "Whats left to lose? You've done enough.
    And if you fail well then you fail but not to us.
    'Cause these last three years, I know they've been hard.
    But now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun;
    even if its alone."
     
  4. nazdrowie

    nazdrowie Sultan of Sweat Gold

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    hi gary
     
  5. Daveindiego

    Daveindiego Confirmed Internet Legend Gold

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    Was my post out of line?
     
  6. Ridic Too

    Ridic Too New Member Banned User

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    Damn bro. I'm sorry you had to endure all that and even more sorry you lost your Dad way too soon.

    I'd be a wreck inside if I lost either of my parents.
     
  7. Reggae Mistress

    Reggae Mistress Old Catcher's Mitt

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    That made me sad :console:
     
  8. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

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    This song makes me think of my pop...who I miss very much.

    [video=youtube;oXoAF_rBgR8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXoAF_rBgR8[/video]
     
  9. nazdrowie

    nazdrowie Sultan of Sweat Gold

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    oh..your dad died years ago?


    waaah
     
  10. Daveindiego

    Daveindiego Confirmed Internet Legend Gold

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    Do I need to edit my first post?

    Is this bad? Jesus, why do people post sucky sad shit?
     
  11. Ridic Too

    Ridic Too New Member Banned User

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    I'm calling my dad right now just to say hello. We don't say I love you, but I might tonight.

    Thank you for sharing that dink. Seriously.
     
  12. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

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    Dink, you are the man...
     
  13. Daveindiego

    Daveindiego Confirmed Internet Legend Gold

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    Why are people talking about dying parents?

    I'm out of here, this shit is totally bringing me down.
     
  14. Chriza

    Chriza The One Man Gangbang VIP

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    Dinkus?? :(
     
  15. Harry Gibbs

    Harry Gibbs the boss of all men

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    thanks ridic. i appreciate it.

    me too. i've been running from these thoughts, realizations, and emotions for a long time.
     
  16. doughhead63

    doughhead63 OD'd on life itself Staff Member

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    Good deal...
     
  17. VarmintSam

    VarmintSam Well-Known Member VIP Gold

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    :bigcry:
     
  18. geo

    geo Well-Known Member

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    dinkus was your dad a ginger?
     
  19. Swedish John

    Swedish John I'm your huckleberry

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    Thanks for the uplifting post Dinkus. You really brightened my day.
     
  20. Harry Gibbs

    Harry Gibbs the boss of all men

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    no. he had black hair and was a very distinguished looking man.