Stern Show I'm like Beth Stern...for turtles

Discussion in 'The Howard Stern Show' started by YodaQuiversStern, May 8, 2016.

  1. YodaQuiversStern

    YodaQuiversStern Turn and face the strange

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    I find myself rescuing several turtles a year off roads and bike paths. Like Beth always finding stray cats and injured birds, I'm always finding turtles in need of human intervention.
    image.jpeg
    image.jpeg

    The other day I rescued a tiny turtle off a road. Stupid me, I was so concerned about the turtle that I forgot to grab my phone for a shameless selfie opportunity.
     
  2. SomerSky

    SomerSky Obsessed with what I hate Banned User

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    Just post a bikini shot instead, #forturtlehaters
     
  3. yaddc

    yaddc Well-Known Member

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    Dont ever let a turtle piss in your hands It stinks like nothing else.
     
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  4. Wiggy

    Wiggy Well-Known Member

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    A few years ago I found a big ass soft shell turtle in the road. I threw it in the back of the truck and released it my tank (northerners call it a pond). Now that thing probably weighs 30 lbs and swims right up to the dock when I feed the catfish. I had originally planned on eating him, now I don't have the heart.
     
  5. Pig

    Pig The original Dorb Gold

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    Love turtles. Amazing strange creatures.
     
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  6. Scarlett Ohara

    Scarlett Ohara Well-Known Member VIP

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    I love turtle soup but I'm with you on this one.
     
  7. Pig

    Pig The original Dorb Gold

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    Turtle dog soccer ball match.
     
  8. The Snork

    The Snork Well-Known Member

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    We Found you at last!

     
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  9. Mr Sinister

    Mr Sinister Gold

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    I do this all summer 2 as i drive around for work i just have to stop and help them especially if there not near any water. Last year i had to use a tree branch to push a GIANT snapping turtle across the road because i didnt want my hands any where near this monsters mouth
     
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  10. zutroy

    zutroy Totally nude. Totally flawless.

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    If I told you the second one isn't a turtle would you still save it? And if you did, would you spare it it's eyes?
     
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  11. Wiggy

    Wiggy Well-Known Member

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    An old drunk Pollack named Sixtus taught me how to make a totally righteous turtle stew. Haven't had it in years, but it's delicious.
     
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  12. Lostronaut

    Lostronaut Well-Known Member VIP

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  13. Pig

    Pig The original Dorb Gold

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    13 foot prehistoric turtles.
    image.jpeg image.jpeg
     
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  14. YodaQuiversStern

    YodaQuiversStern Turn and face the strange

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    Is this where Sal came up with "I'm a turtle!"?

    Isn't it a snapping turtle? That thing was very aggressive.

    I promise to spare it's eyes!
     
  15. Stinkfist

    Stinkfist Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40lb snapping turtle that wandered into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be escorted back to his local pond where he couldn't go all snappity snap on anyone (or cute puppies) so my friend and i jumped into action. Within about 2 minutes it was pretty apparent that Frank is a gigantic fucking asshole.

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    Here we see Frank gettin' all high and mighty trying to run the fuck away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant fuck. Let me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzilla like terror on humanity are fucking over. You picked the wrong town Frank, you picked the wrong fucking town. Not like Frank was gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just about hissed and shit everywhere before we got him to calm the fuck down. Jesus Frank.

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    Frank then realized he was fucked so instead of cooperating and getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he is five fucking years old and he sits the fuck down and goes limp. Honestly Frank grow the fuck up. You think other turtles are acting like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong.

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    WE FUCKING LASSO'D THE SHIT OUTTA YOU FRANK.

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    Needless to say Frank was pretty fucking upset about the whole ordeal and bitched the entire ten minute walk back to Casa De Frank. and just when i thought my life was gonna get just a little bit easier, Frank goes and torpedo shotgun pisses all over my foot. Fuck you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake shelled dickweed.

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    Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with care BECAUSE I'M A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A BITCH.


    Not my story, by the way.
     
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  16. Lostronaut

    Lostronaut Well-Known Member VIP

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    Frank is a badass
     
  17. face palm

    face palm Well-Known Member

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    .
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    <~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    i like turtles
     
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  18. SuperFarts

    SuperFarts Well-Known Member Banned User

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    Does your husband wear a wig?

    Any desire to see or swim with the Hawaiian sea turtles?

    [​IMG]

    What do they taste like?

    How do you prepare a turtle?
     
  19. Mlaw

    Mlaw Quite Contrarian 2010 OG VIP Gold

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    where do you live that there are so many?

    BTW--I have an office turtle, he was my niece's so I adopted him
     
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  20. The Snork

    The Snork Well-Known Member

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    I swan with a sea turtle in Hawaii. And when I was on a launch campaign in French Guiana we went up to the Suriname border where giant leatherbacks like the one in the picture lay their eggs. On the first trip saw a few laying eggs and on the second the eggs were hatching. One of the greatest things I've ever witnessed.
     
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