I'm not sure if I "officially" shit my pants last night

Discussion in 'The Bar' started by Lucky Pierre, Aug 17, 2012.

  1. Lucky Pierre

    Lucky Pierre Well-Known Member

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    At Target when that "point of no return/I'm not going to make" terror hits.

    Every ounce of concentration to hold back bursting damn of explosive diarrhea. Not daring to move, like in a movie where a string is attached to detonate an explosive. Standing there like an asshole staring at same shelf of shaving cream for 9 minutes. Trying to act normal, hoping and praying the spasms will start to fade soon.

    Something finally changes. Spasms slowing down. Front line defense withstands first assault. Decision time. Can move again. Store bathroom or home? Home. Second assault starts at the check-out counter. Now like a Jedi using The Force, squeezing my ass together, jaw clenched, face looking pathetic. Walking to car like the penguin in Batman. Slow, shuffling steps.

    Pulling into the house. Win. Like Stallone at the end of the movie Victory. Scoreboard. Happy time.

    Not so fast. Think boy at very end of original Friday the 13th. Getting out of the car, at moment of calm and peace when you think the story is over, detonation all out assault. Now carrying fully loaded diaper.

    No one's home. Thank God. Waddle to bathroom. Clean. Clothes in the wash. Shower. Afterwards, clothes are surprisingly completely clean. Like it never happend. Not a trace anywhere. No witnesses. No evidence that any crime ever took place. Therefore history will not record this as an "official" shitting your pants episode.

    Looked like this:


















    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2012
  2. DrSublux

    DrSublux Who am dis VIP

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    you fucking queer
     
  3. Chiva

    Chiva Well-Known Member

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    Target seems to inspire this. I have heard this story before.
     
  4. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Notable Member VIP

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  5. Reggae Mistress

    Reggae Mistress Old Catcher's Mitt

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    Anytime the clothes have to immediately go into the washing machine, you "officially" shit your pants.
     
  6. hidden dragon

    hidden dragon the princess of darkness Staff Member

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    Next time just use the damn store bathroom!!!

    But there seems to be no shame in your game intelling everyone about your disaster. Welcome to a possible future of being made fun of!!
     
  7. Popeye Saavedra

    Popeye Saavedra Well-Known Member

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    Not sure what is worse, that you told this story or that I can relate to it. :jj::facepalm:
     
  8. Cheri

    Cheri Skunk VIP

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    Chriza can relate to this story too.
     
  9. BrulesRules

    BrulesRules Just grab 'em in the biscuits

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    Does Target have the bullseye logo painted on the urinals and shitters to give you something to aim for?
     
  10. Tuesday

    Tuesday VIP Extreme Gold

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    The turding at Target story has been done before. :mad:
     
  11. Lucky Pierre

    Lucky Pierre Well-Known Member

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    I don't think it becomes "official" unless there is physical evidence, a witness, DNA, video, etc.
     
  12. Cheri

    Cheri Skunk VIP

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    Well there was physical evidence, you just washed it off.





    Your av is going to give me nightmares.
     
  13. Lucky Pierre

    Lucky Pierre Well-Known Member

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    Shame doesn't apply to anonymous message boards my friend

    and no

    I will not use the store bathroom, death before dishonor, die with your boots on, never surrender.
     
  14. RH Goatcabin

    RH Goatcabin Notable Member VIP

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    I had a similar occurrence at Wal Marts....
     
  15. Lucky Pierre

    Lucky Pierre Well-Known Member

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    What was the final outcome?
     
  16. Reggae Mistress

    Reggae Mistress Old Catcher's Mitt

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    Oh, there is still DNA, my friend.
     
  17. Lucky Pierre

    Lucky Pierre Well-Known Member

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    But there isn't.

    CSI crime lab could expect the store, the parking lot, the car, the garage, the bathroom and even the clothes.

    There isn't enough evidence to file charges, let alone win a prosecution.